(Closed) Being nice to someone you intensely dislike…

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Try to be as polite as you can. It’s insanely difficult for me to be nice to someone I loath (there is a girl here at work who is the equivalent of this girl you speak of), but try to do it for your friend. If she asks to see or hold the baby, play the overprotective mother and tell her that you are petrified of germs and the baby catching something. If she scoffs, brush her off.

Sorry…this is a really sucky position to be in, but you don’t want to be downright rude to her. She is still his Girlfriend, and even though you hate her, he might end up marrying this chick some day, and you want your DH’s friend to still be able to hang out with you guys!

Post # 4
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Yeah you just gotta fake it to make it in this situation.  She knows you don’t like her and you’re never going to be buddies so no need to force the issue.  Just be pleasant so hubs can enjoy his last bit of time with his best friend.. I’m sure they are sad to be separated.  NOW.. as far as MightyBaby is concerned I think she needs to be enjoying a nice little nap at the time they come over.  I can be fake nice to someone, but I’m not getting my baby involved.  If Baby is uncooperative on the nap plan, just say she has separation anxiety and doesn’t like to be held by strangers.

Post # 5
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Just be cordial. Greet her and be polite, nothing more. There is no rule that says you have to like a friend’s significant other, but it certainly does help to keep the peace when you do not overtly show your distaste for that person.

If the baby is asleep when they arrive, no problem there as no good mother is going to wake her baby for some peripheral acquaintance. If the baby is awake, you are justified in declining to have her hold the baby. If she asks, just say something like, “No, Baby’s been very cranky today & I just got him/her settled down and don’t want to take the chance of getting him/her riled up again.

Also remember, WE don’t have to like or approve of our frineds’ & relatives’ SO’s… THEY do. Be there & be supportive of your friend & don’t worry about the Girlfriend.

 

Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Kill her with kindness! I was just in a wedding with 2 girls that I am no longer friends with and things ending terribly (really nasty things were said on one of their parts!) so I just kept my head high and pretended like this was the first time meeting them and treat them like I would any other new person. Just think of your friend (as I was thinking about the bride)– rise above and it will be over before you know it! GOOD LUCK! It’s not easy, but it will be over so soon!

 

EDIT: RE: MightyBaby can you put her/him down for a nap when they come?

Post # 7
Member
2859 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden

I agree. You don’t have to do anything beyond being polite to her. You don’t have to be fake or warm, even. Just polite.

I know how hard it is. I am TERRIBLE at faking things, and if I don’t like someone, they usually know. But if you’re rude, you’ll just be sinking to her level.

Post # 9
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

My sister used to date a real big jerk who I hated because he treated her badly. As hard as it was, I made myself be totally nice to him in person and behind his back (when she would call me to complain about him calling her fat or something). this took outside pressure off my sister to leave him and she was able to see him for what he really was and she eventually left him (thank GOD!).

Anyway, I’m not sure if that approach would work for you, but I can tell you for sure I’d be nice to her if I were you. I wouldn’t chat her up and kiss butt, but I would be gracious – say hello, nice to see you and then talk to the bf. Unfortunately if your friend chooses to be with someone who sux, you have to be a good friend and try to be supportive even though it’s painful.

Post # 11
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m actually sort of in this situation right now.  Hubs and I have a friend getting married soon and and it’s not like we strongly dislike the fiance.. but we don’t know him well and we are weary of the relationship.   My friend is one of those girls that has always been desperate to get married young, and the relationship was very rushed.  We feel like she jumped at the idea of being engaged, but maybe didn’t really evaluate how she feels about him.  He also seems to have a weird spell over her that makes us uncomfortable.  Add to the facts the the relationship has always been long distance (really really long distance) and will continue to be after the wedding for at least a couple months, and you can understand why we might be unsure.  But, we love her, and she is happy, and she is one of my dearest friends in the world.  I have to just trust that she is doing what is right for her and be there to support her.  If, God Forbid, things don’t work out… we’ll be there to support her then too.

Post # 12
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I think I would attend the wedding. You don’t want to miss out on a good friend’s wedding b/c you hate the woman he’s marrying. And if things fall apart, you can be there for the friend just in case. It’s so hard when the significant other is horrible, but I’ve always tried to be supportive of the friend.

Post # 14
Member
520 posts
Busy bee

Just give the baby a realllly good bath when they leave to wash off the cooties if she holds her…….. <weg>

Post # 15
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

You know what?
If he really is unhappy with her, he will not marry her. He will either leave her, or stall the engagement until she can’t take it anymore and leaves him. If, on the other hand, he does propose and they do get married, then it means that despite the nagging, he does want to be with her (if she’s so wrong for him, this will unlikely happen; I heard that men don’t like nagging, and he is not married yet, still has a chance to get out). Just be there for him!

Post # 16
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

You know what?
If he really is unhappy with her, he will not marry her. He will either leave her, or stall the engagement until she can’t take it anymore and leaves him. If, on the other hand, he does propose and they do get married, then it means that despite the nagging, he does want to be with her (if she’s so wrong for him, this will unlikely happen; I heard that men don’t like nagging, and he is not married yet, still has a chance to get out). Just be there for him!

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