(Closed) Being on a “break” sucks. This is killing me

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
755 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Me and my Fiance got into it last night and we’ve been having problems (I have temper problems and he does everything but help) and so I suggested we take a break but we decided it would be counterproductive. We are the couple that needs to talk to get through stuff.

Post # 4
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

So just to clarify, you live together and you’re on a break? Did one of you move out?  I never had a break with Fiance so I can’t really give you any advice about what might happen. However, I would be concerned that is has been two weeks without any type of communication from him. What defines your relationship is how you work through the rough patches. I don’t think breaks are good habit to get into, because once you’re married there are no breaks. I hope he realizes how important you are to him.

Post # 5
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

It’s fine to “cool off”, but I don’t think it’s healty to break for that long without talking through something.  If this is something you really want, you need to make an effort and you guys need to sit  down and sort it out.  Communication is the biggest problem solver. You both need to decide.  It’s really been long enough, don’t you think?  See someone professionally if it’s worth fighting for.  Explain your need for romance in the relationship and plan a date night.  I honestly don’t think you should wait till Wednesday, the time on the clock has nothing to do with it, it won’t magically help.  If you love him and you want this… then do what it takes!!!

Post # 6
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Unfortunately, I think when you decide to go “on a break” there is always the possibility that one or the other will decide it’s not working. Isn’t that the reason for the break in the first place? To allow each other the time to think about what they want from the relationship? 

I think you need to just let him have this time and accept whatever outcome comes from it. If he really takes the time and realizes the relationship isn’t for him it’s better to know that and have the answer than to try to keep a relationship that isn’t working for one person on life support.

Obviously, I’m not saying that’s what he’s thinking, but just I guess recognize what this time is for and let him have it without worrying about something you can’t really control.

Post # 8
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@WaitingweddingBE:  I think there’s nothing wrong with contacting him and trying to talk… but I think if you’re hoping for an “absence that doth make the heart grow fonder,” you won’t get it if he knows YOU’RE missing him enough to contact and call.  2 weeks is a long time to go from living together and seeing each other every day to not at all, but, unless he’s just not chatty or much of a texter/talker, I’d be a bit concerned that he hasn’t tried to contact you. 

When my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I went through a really bad patch a couple of years ago, and almost broke up, we’d been scheduled to go to a friend’s wedding together in Mexico, just for one night and then right back, along with some other friends.  He decided he didn’t want to go for a variety of reasons, and I decided to hell with it, I was going.  I DID call him to let him know I was safe, but with the reception issues and roaming, I didn’t stay on long, and even though it was a nasty, rough trip for me (hard to go to a wedding for friends when your own life and relationship seem to be on the skids) I’m glad I went.

When I got back, he felt like an ass for not going, he got to have his “precious” alone time (don’t get me wrong, everyone needs it, but one of our problems was he felt he had no time to himself – turns out he HATES being home alone for more than a couple of hours – HA), and realized that me being gone affected him more than he’d realized, and helped make him want to work harder on being the ma I knew he could be.  Granted, we’re not married (yet), and I face the fact we may never be (curses), so I might be lurking these waiting boards forever (Bwahaha), but since that time, the trip, and my purchase of my own car which granted me some needed independence from him, he realized I could very well walk anytime I choose, I just hadn’t done so because I love him.  He’s been slowly improving ever since, working on straightening up his college-days messes.

After 2 weeks, I’d really like to know what your Boyfriend or Best Friend has been up to, with only a few brief text messages to go by.  What kind of person is the friend with whom he’s been staying?  Is the friend a partier?  Is he a guy’s-guy who can be entertained by nights of Xbox and shoot em up movies and be distracted from your absence?  Or could he be “testing” you to see if you “crack”, and ask him back sooner? 

I hope things go well when you talk to him and that he HAS missed you and is up to the challenge of being a better man to you.

Post # 9
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

I have been on a break with my guy but he is the one that made first contact with me. I don’t know but I would say if he hasn’t contacted you back, it may not be a good sign. Either way, if you break up from the break, it is probably for the best and you will need to accept that.

Post # 10
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

@WaitingweddingBE: I agree with Isilme that you need to have actual space to get what you desire.  You said he texted you which is fine, but I would text him first or encourage it.  If you want a “break” to work, you need a real break.  He’s got to realize that he cares enough to put in the effort in your relationship.  Sure, there’s a chance he won’t, but you’re being smart to figure it out now.

Darling Husband and I borke up (completely) for about 3 months before getting engaged.  We had totally different reasons but also still cared for eachother a lot.  We did talk occasional (mostly text) and see eachother once every week or two, but we both knew we were broken up so it was different.  We lived together for about the first month and then I moved out.  I also dated. After both truly working on creating a life apart; we both realized we really did want to be together.  (Our issue was whether he wanted to get married and have kids…I didn’t really have a major issue.)

It’s totally frustrating and sad.  My suggestion is to figure out what you really like to do and work on relationships with your girlfriends.  My 2 big things that I figured out really made me feel good were stretching and drinking tea.  So small and simple…but both were things that allowed me to focus on myself.

Good luck! And when you’re frustrated come on over here!

One other thing…the relationship I had before Darling Husband was 5 years long and we lived together for 3.  By the end we were totally just roommates, not BF/GF.  We both considered eachother our best friend/soul mate but now we are both happily married to other people and it was totally the right decision.  Don’t get caught up in the time is ticking gotta get married part of it.  Just go with the flow and don’t settle!

Post # 11
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Have you read “Mars and Venus on a Date”? It’s a great book, and it talks about going back one stage (in some cases that involves taking a break) rather than completely breaking up. I highly reccomend that book!  My 2 cents is just to pay attention to how you’re feeling and what you want, try not to focus too much on how he is feeling.  I know it’s scary that it may end, but if he wants to end it that only means there is something better out there for you.

I’m on a bit of a break myself. I’m in an LDR and we jumped into it way to fast…instead of giving up we’re going back to not being ‘exclusive’ and be open to dating. At first I thought this was kind of silly (even though it was my idea), becuase he doesn’t have time to date and I’ve been so busy too. But I met someone the other day and honestly it just raised my spirits to flirt a little bit. On top of it, LDR-guy has been much more attentive now that essentially he’s ‘competing’ again. The pressure’s off. If he comes out here, great! If not, no big deal. The expectation/obligation thing is lightened a bit. And I find myself complaining less often. Becuase if I’m really unhappy I can just go out there and date and see if there’s a better fit! Instead of complaining to Boyfriend or Best Friend that I’m not getting my needs met.

Post # 12
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

@WaitingweddingBE: I was just wondering how things are going? Have things improved since you took a break?

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