Being paranoid or is there something up here…

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 302
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I don’t understand this whole coming up with a plan to leave thing. You want out, you’re uncomfortable there and feel freaked out. Why stay a single moment longer? Pack your stuff and go. It seems to come down more to you not wanting to leave yet for whatever reason. Hopefully your therapist can help you with that.

Post # 303
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

stressedlady :  I totally know that feeling.. where you almost wish you didn’t know so that you could carry on in naive bliss. It’s always hard to face it head on and rip off the bandaid, it’s against our instinct. 

Also I agree with samael :  The love bombing tactic is a classic for abusers/manipulators. He’s trying to paint over the incident so that you feel like the brief loving periods are worth the times of uncertainty and you begin to question yourself. Look up gaslighting and love bombing, he sounds like a classic perpetrator

A brief description:
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/caregivers/2017/05/avoiding-toxic-people-gas-lighting-love-bombing/

Post # 304
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

mrsyoung18 :  Perhaps she needs to plan a place to go, how to pack her things and leave without him being there and noticing, or to secure finances? They live together and have commingled finances.

She can’t just walk out the door… he’s an abuser. He’ll clean the shared bank account, take all of her money and not give her back her possessions.

How do you not get this? Please think these things through before posting insinuating that she has other motives when in fact she’s being responsible. Maybe you don’t understand abusers. 

Post # 307
Member
560 posts
Busy bee

mrsyoung18 :  Unless she suddenly finds out that her ex is a deranged axe murderer, it is completely irrational for her to just walk out the door. That is incredibly poor planning. How long is she supposed to stay in a hotel? That’s expensive. A women’s shelter is not everyone’s cup of tea.

As far as I can tell, this teen isn’t in any immediate danger. Her ex is not a serial rapist. She does have a responsibility to come clean with the teen’s parents/guardians but OP has to ensure her well-being FIRST.

She needs to secure her posessions, look for alternate accomodation, reach out to her well-wishers and seek the right resources. Remember OP is also recuperating from a car accident. These things certainly don’t happen immediately.

Post # 309
Member
2672 posts
Sugar bee

OP, have you talked to him about it since he kicked you out? Do you plan to move out first before talking about it again?

Post # 311
Member
42 posts
Newbee

stressedlady :  wow! I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. I hope you and your therapist create an exit strategy soon. I also hope you do contact the young girls parents. Xo hugs

Post # 312
Member
8266 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

carrotqueen : 

 

“Sit him down and tell him how inappropriate it is for a man his age to being hanging around with teenage girls late at night and then move on to how you feel really uncomfortable about it. Ask him if there is something he needs to tell you.” 

 

I wish people who see a  20 odd page post didn’t think that they didn’t need to read any of it , but just  give  their  ‘original’ pearls of  wisdom , which of course  no one in the  20 odd pages,  or indeed   the OP herself could possibly have thought of ….  

Post # 313
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

mrsyoung18 :  Your name says it all. Too young to understand abusive and manipulative people and the best way to make a life change 

Get a clue 

So proud of you OK you can do this 

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