Being paranoid or is there something up here…

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee

I wouldn’t talk to the mutual friends yet (I’d wait until I understood what was going on better). The more people involved the messier it can become. How did you confirm that she’s 18 and wanted lessons before Jan?

Post # 49
Member
2400 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

How would she even get to and from this Warehouse since she can’t drive? He would have had to go to her house and pick her up and then drop her off again afterwards? Nobody’s doing driving lessons from Midnight to 2 a.m. It wouldn’t be safe.

He’s taking advantage of an 18 year old girl. Yuck! You need to sit down with him and have a serious talk. If he’s not doing anything inappropriate, you need to point out that it sure as hell looks like he is. And not just to you, but if word gets out to your mutual friends that he was out until 2 a.m. giving “driving lessons” to this young girl, he won’t have those friends anymore. You need to tell him he needs to stop that crap right now. 

Don’t be up crying, alone. Wake him up and have a serious freaking conversation about the inappropriateness of that whole situation.

Post # 51
Member
2400 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

stressedlady :  does he have a history of this sort of thing? Flirty or inappropriate relationships with women? I’m not talking outright cheating, I’m talking not having good boundaries.

This is super shady and you are not being paranoid. At the very least he needs to quit with the nighttime meetups and possibly daytime activities as well with this girl. And what’s he doing on her Instagram? Very poor boundaries.

Post # 52
Member
958 posts
Busy bee

Talk to your mutual friends if they’re supportive but not judgemental people. Need to resolve this issue. Be gentle yet firm with your SO about this. He’s defensive probably because he thinks you’re suspicious of his obviously suspicious activity. Give yourself some time to calm down before talking to anyone but don’t tire yourself crying in the middle of the night. Hugs.

Post # 53
Member
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

stressedlady :  Ok, so I think I’m in the very very small minority here… but I’m not so sure this is shady in the way everyone is thinking.

It sounds like very poor judgement for him to have allowed the situation (at least the one he described/confessed to you) to happen (alone with a young lady late at night), but I can sort of see how it might have come about, and how he might not have initially mentioned it because he knew it was off, but then sort of just blurted it out later out of guilt.

The main thing that strikes me as being concerning/odd is the liking of instagram posts, as I really just don’t see why they would have that type of relationship..?

Is he defensive about other things you disagree/argue about? I could see him being extra defensive if he knows he made some poor decisions and is feeling bad, which his hesitancy in telling you what happened also suggests. 

Anyway, I have no idea what’s going on, but I did want to caution you on going too far down the ‘he cheated’ path at this stage. I would be very hesitant to approach the mutual friends or anyone else, as you can’t unring that bell and if your SO is only guilty of a night of poor judgement, getting other people involved could be very damaging to the relationship.

I’m just now realising that my post is of zero help, as I have no idea what I would do next if I were in your shoes. Trust your gut, but try not to jump to conclusions too quickly. Sending you all the virtual support I can. 

Post # 54
Member
958 posts
Busy bee

Be prepared for best and worst case scenarios. If you both used to have loving relationship but you feel this is causing a dent on the loving relationship, might want to consider some form of marriage counseling to rebuild the relationship. But he has to come out with the honest truth. And you’d have to be able to accept it and move forward to build the relationship again. Big hugs!

Post # 58
Member
7767 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If this had happened during the daytime (or even normal evening hours) I wouldn’t think twice about it given he teaches driving lessons for a living………but 2 am? What the fuck? That is so bizarre and shady. And I hate that his rationale for not telling you at 2am was “I thought you’d be mad.” 

I dunno what to tell you – it could be that nothing happened between them ,but a man in his 40s should know better than to hang out alone with a teenager until 2 am. Really a man in a relationship shouldn’t hang out with any woman alone until 2am unless there are special circumstances. The one thing that is totally clear/undeniable here is that your SO exercised really fucking bad judgment.

Post # 60
Member
977 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I’m so sorry bee 🙁 The fact that he is being so defensive is very telling. If this was totally innocent and he just used bad judgement, he should at least be able to see the point that it was UNBELIEVABLY innappropriate for him to be alone with a teenage girl at 2am. So even if nothing happened, and he still does not think that point alone is a problem, I’d be rethinking this guy. But honestly, I think it’s much worse. What do you think he’d say if you asked to look at is phone to see the texts between them? 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors