Post # 1
So i got an email from the girl. I’m so angry I am shaking as I type this. But i”m at work so I’m resorting to the internet, obviously.
She IS mad I didn’t let her move in with me. And apparently I wasn’t compassionate enough. She said I wasn’t there for her and I didn’t have it in my heart to let her move in with me in her time of need. She said I made it apparent it was an inconceivable option because I have a husband. She says I “missed the point”, I was unconcerned and saying things like “not feasible” equates to telling her to F off. I got her message, talked to my husband AND my mom about it, and responded back within 35 minutes. She claims I didn’t even talk to my husband.
Apparently this emotional time in her life has taught her who her friends are. She says our relationship is repairable only if I show remorse for what I wrote.
And now, here’s the facebook message I sent her 6 weeks ago.
Wow, I am so sorry you’re going through that. What is their big beef with you anyways?! It’s not like you’re living some crazy disapproving lifestyle to the point that they should essentially be disowning you or kicking you out of the house like they are! Are they not letting you stay with your sister anymore, either? What about your brother and his fiance? Well, you know this, but you wouldn’t be the first person to live off student loans for a year or two out of college to get your feet planted. However, my husband is home now and its not really feasible for us to take on a housemate. But if you need to stay a weekend while you look for an apartment (ask Jane–she looked at a lot of places and there are lots of places around us here ), you are of course welcome to! I thought you were planning on living with your sister? I wish there was more I could do for you, if it was just me here, that’d be different. By the way, DH’s friend just got engaged and they both have houses–he has been talking about renting out his house. I’m sure it wouldn’t be very expensive and it’s downtown on Chippewa Street. Have you met with a financial advisor? That could be really helpful in sorting out your finances for the first 6 months out of school. At least you have a job! Anyways I have two tests this week so I’ve been a studying maniac but feel free to give me a call if you need a shoulder to cry on or just to vent and chat!”
Thoughts? Feel free to be honest with me if you think I’ve done the wrong thing. I am literally so angry I am shaking but I want to respond rationally. I just…wow.
Post # 3
I really don’t think you did the wrong thing. I think it was incredibly rude and presumptious of her to assume that you would be willing to have her live with you FOR FREE with your husband. This girl just rubs me the wrong way.
Post # 4
… I don’t think you did the wrong thing. You have to do what is best for you, your husband, and your relationship/ marriage before anything else. Especially since he just got back! I’m sure eventually she’ll realize this, but for now she’s going to be mad. And its fine that she’s mad, but someone we have to own up to being an adult and tough it out when things are hard.
Post # 5
I don’t think you did anything wrong. I don’t think that was a mean message.
Post # 6
She is immature and not ready to accept the kind of help you have offered… It sounds like she is not what you need in your life right now either… Hang in there!
Post # 7
I actually just read the other post about it. I really can’t see where she’s getting this stuff from. But when some people are going through an emotional time, they tend to make things up. In their head (and probably your friends too) they feel revictimized by people who mean them no harm (you). I think eventually she’ll realize she overreacted but by then she’ll be in too deep. Really, I wouldn’t sweat this beyond today. At the end of the day, you know your limitations, you can’t give someone something you don’t have. And you said yourself she wasn’t a great friend anymore so there shouldn’t be much love lost.
Post # 8
I can see how she would have been upset at the time, she was probably beside herself, and overwhelmed and desperate.
But what I can’t see is how she’s still sticking to this. Your response wasn’t out of line at all, and it WAS incredibly presumptuous of her to assume it would be fine to move in with you. And even though you DID ask your husband, that frankly is none of her damn business. It’s a non-issue, and for her to bring it up is crass, and trying to put you on the defensive, where you don’t deserve to be.
And now she’s setting conditions under which she’ll deign to be your friend again? No way. I’m all about second (third and fourth!) chances, but this girl needs to be DROPPED.
Post # 9
* gets her boxing gloves on..* LET ME AT HER!! jk..
what a moo cow..
you did the right thing ej, dont feel bad…
Post # 10
I don’t see anything wrong in what you wrote to her. In fact, you seemed genuinely concerned and offered other options to her. I think she’s just pissed that you wouldn’t allow her to live with you.
Post # 11
Yeah, I definitely don’t see anything wrong with what you wrote. It was extremely presumptuous of her to assume you’d let her move in with you for free. That’s insane and I can’t believe someone would even ask!! Don’t feel bad about this. I’m sure eventually she’ll realize she’s overreacting, but by then it’ll probably be too late!
Post # 12
wow, seriously? if she offered to pay maybe that would be different…but I guess she just wants a hand out. I think your message was perfect and you offered her so many options to think about. It definitely got the point accross without being rude…so I don’t know what her problem is.
Post # 13
I responded to your other post about her. She sounds like a character, to put it nicely.
Honestly, I think she has entitlement issues. Not your fault.
Post # 14
This girl sounds like a psycho. You did nothing wrong and she’s obviously just pissed that you wouldn’t let her live with you. Which was incredibly presumptuous for her to think she could do in the first place.
It sounds like it wouldn’t be a great loss to not have this girl as a friend anymore.
Post # 15
You totally did the right thing, ejs. Crashing at someone’s place for more than a weekend is a HUGE imposition and, as you pointed out, a financial burden at times. She has no idea what she’s asking of you. And considering her other connections in the city, I’m shocked she had the balls to ask without so much as an, “I’ll be your maid!” comment. I had to crash at a family member’s apartment once for two weeks, and I offered to pay for meals, do some grocery shopping, and because I was unemployed, I also cleaned the apartment. I knew how much of a pain it was having me there (even though she never showed it), and I was always incredibly grateful. She was also single, though, and didn’t have a husband.
DON’T second-guess your actions here. This friend sounds like a piece of work.
Post # 16
I hate people like this! I say stay away from her! She is sooo manipulative and deceitful she is trying to guilt you into doing whatever she wants…uuuuuughhhhh!!!!! Sorry, this is speaking from some of my own experiences with people like your “friend”…I say ignore it wholly…she’s just being manipulative right now…maybe in the future when she grows up, you might be able to repair the relationship, but I doubt it…speaking from experience here. And no…you did nothing wrong…your message was actually quite helpful if you ask me.