(Closed) Being phased out….she emailed me and it ain’t pretty. Wow.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I really don’t think you did the wrong thing.  I think it was incredibly rude and presumptious of her to assume that you would be willing to have her live with you FOR FREE with your husband.  This girl just rubs me the wrong way.

Post # 4
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

… I don’t think you did the wrong thing. You have to do what is best for you, your husband, and your relationship/ marriage before anything else. Especially since he just got back! I’m sure eventually she’ll realize this, but for now she’s going to be mad. And its fine that she’s mad, but someone we have to own up to being an adult and tough it out when things are hard.

Post # 5
Member
793 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t think you did anything wrong. I don’t think that was a mean message.

Post # 6
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

She is immature and not ready to accept the kind of help you have offered… It sounds like she is not what you need in your life right now either… Hang in there!

Post # 7
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I actually just read the other post about it.  I really can’t see where she’s getting this stuff from.  But when some people are going through an emotional time, they tend to make things up.  In their head (and probably your friends too) they feel revictimized by people who mean them no harm (you).  I think eventually she’ll realize she overreacted but by then she’ll be in too deep.  Really, I wouldn’t sweat this beyond today.  At the end of the day, you know your limitations, you can’t give someone something you don’t have.  And you said yourself she wasn’t a great friend anymore so there shouldn’t be much love lost. 

Post # 8
Member
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I can see how she would have been upset at the time, she was probably beside herself, and overwhelmed and desperate.

But what I can’t see is how she’s still sticking to this.  Your response wasn’t out of line at all, and it WAS incredibly presumptuous of her to assume it would be fine to move in with you.  And even though you DID ask your husband, that frankly is none of her damn business.  It’s a non-issue, and for her to bring it up is crass, and trying to put you on the defensive, where you don’t deserve to be.

And now she’s setting conditions under which she’ll deign to be your friend again?  No way.  I’m all about second (third and fourth!) chances, but this girl needs to be DROPPED.

Post # 9
Member
3539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

* gets her boxing gloves on..* LET ME AT HER!! jk..

what a moo cow..

you did the right thing ej, dont feel bad…

Post # 10
Member
2475 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t see anything wrong in what you wrote to her.  In fact, you seemed genuinely concerned and offered other options to her.  I think she’s just pissed that you wouldn’t allow her to live with you.

Post # 11
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Yeah, I definitely don’t see anything wrong with what you wrote. It was extremely presumptuous of her to assume you’d let her move in with you for free. That’s insane and I can’t believe someone would even ask!! Don’t feel bad about this. I’m sure eventually she’ll realize she’s overreacting, but by then it’ll probably be too late!

Post # 12
Member
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

wow, seriously?  if she offered to pay maybe that would be different…but I guess she just wants a hand out.  I think your message was perfect and you offered her so many options to think about.  It definitely got the point accross without being rude…so I don’t know what her problem is. 

Post # 13
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I responded to your other post about her. She sounds like a character, to put it nicely.

Honestly, I think she has entitlement issues. Not your fault.

Blech.

Post # 14
Member
4465 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

This girl sounds like a psycho.  You did nothing wrong and she’s obviously just pissed that you wouldn’t let her live with you.  Which was incredibly presumptuous for her to think she could do in the first place.

It sounds like it wouldn’t be a great loss to not have this girl as a friend anymore.

Post # 15
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

You totally did the right thing, ejs. Crashing at someone’s place for more than a weekend is a HUGE imposition and, as you pointed out, a financial burden at times. She has no idea what she’s asking of you. And considering her other connections in the city, I’m shocked she had the balls to ask without so much as an, “I’ll be your maid!” comment. I had to crash at a family member’s apartment once for two weeks, and I offered to pay for meals, do some grocery shopping, and because I was unemployed, I also cleaned the apartment. I knew how much of a pain it was having me there (even though she never showed it), and I was always incredibly grateful. She was also single, though, and didn’t have a husband.

DON’T second-guess your actions here. This friend sounds like a piece of work.

Post # 16
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I hate people like this! I say stay away from her! She is sooo manipulative and deceitful she is trying to guilt you into doing whatever she wants…uuuuuughhhhh!!!!! Sorry, this is speaking from some of my own experiences with people like your “friend”…I say ignore it wholly…she’s just being manipulative right now…maybe in the future when she grows up, you might be able to repair the relationship, but I doubt it…speaking from experience here.  And no…you did nothing wrong…your message was actually quite helpful if you ask me.

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