(Closed) Being pregnant before wedding. Caring too much about what people think?

posted 5 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

For me, no, becaue I don’t believe in traditional timelines anymore and I’m sort of shocked people want to give you such a hard time when in this day in age it’s odd to find the engaged, married, then babies timeline. To each their own and that goes for you guys. If you’re happy, that’s all that matters. Congratulations x2!

Post # 3
Member
1024 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Nope, I wouldn’t give a crap about what anyone said. If I was engaged before or after should be here nor there to anyone! me and Fiance and our closest to us would know what truly happened and that is all that would matter to me.

Post # 4
Member
2383 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

In any case, it is what it is, so no point thinking about it. Those closest to you will know the truth anyway. These days no one gets married because they are pregnant, so logic says it is because you want to.

I have to laugh at how my mother was about this, she didn’t think pregnancy was such a crime, but she strongly believed in getting married as a result. You didn’t have to stay married, you could get a divorce right after the birth, but in her world you had to be married at some point.

Post # 5
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

stop caring as much. No one thinks about it as much as you think they’re thinking about it ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 6
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I’m sorry that you are going through this – my brother & SIL went through this too.  You can’t control what people say, and it can totally kill the excitement that you are getting married! and having a baby!  Woohoo!

As futuremrscrow said, those closest to you will get it, and will support and stand up for you.  Don’t let the busybodies take away from celebrating.  It’s not always easy to ignore, but that doesn’t mean you have to politely smile through it either.  It’s ok to let people, especially anyone you don’t really know well, that their comments are not respectful.

For people you do know or extended family, if you feel they will question you about it (which they shouldn’t), you and your Fiance can come up with a standard line – “We’ve been planning our wedding for a while, but kept the engagement quiet until we had venue and date sorted”

Post # 7
Member
9083 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
Lara_11:  From your post, it sounds like nobody is saying anything, you just feel like they’re thinking something. They probably aren’t. Even if they are, who cares? If they are nosey enough to actually say something, I could see that getting annoying. The best response would be to say with a slightly quizzical look “why do you ask/say that?” But if it’s just you worrying that they MIGHT possibly think something, that’s an issue for you to work out within yourself.

Post # 8
Member
1220 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
Lara_11:  if it makes you feel any better, I was pregnant at my wedding. No one cared ๐Ÿ˜

Post # 9
Member
3305 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Hey, I’m the result of a pre-marriage conception. It’s all good. Don’t worry about what people think, they can all take a flying leap. What’s important is that you’re marrying a great guy and building a family. No explanations necessary. Congratulations and feel well!

Post # 10
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Being pregnant has been the happiest time of my life … followed closely by being engaged. You’ve got so much to be excited about … don’t let worrying about other people’s opinions ruin that for you. The best piece of advice I’ve ever gotten is “what others think of you is none of your business”. If they want to focus on their own misconceptions, that’s their fault!

To answer your question, being in your situation wouldn’t have bothered me in the slightest. Congratulations and enjoy every minute!

Post # 11
Member
589 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I was in a slightly relatable situation. We got engaged in August 2014, and booked our wedding for May 2016 – paid the deposit, had vendors booked, etc. Then in July 2015, the weekend we moved into our first house, we found out we were pregnant (same as you, not planned). So we decided to move the wedding up to September 2015 so we could be married before the baby came. Despite getting engaged a year before our wedding, and almost a full year before getting pregnant people still insinuated we were only getting married because I was pregnant. It was frustrating because obviously the wedding was in the works before the pregnancy but things happen and you just go with it and adjust your plans accordingly. 

It bothered me for sure that people thought he was only marrying me because of the baby but at the end of the day the important people knew the truth. From my experience I think it will come to bother you less and you will be to focused on all the amazing things happening in your life to worry about what others think. Congratulations on both your engagement and your baby, enjoy this amazing time in your life! ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 12
Member
7892 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Congratulations! Don’t let people get to you. They can think whatever they want. It is what it is. In a few years most people won’t realize that you were pregnant before the wedding anyway. 

Post # 13
Member
3900 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
Lara_11:  No this would not get to me. Because, f*ck people. You dont owe them an explanation. As long as you and Fiance are okay with the chain of events that is all that matters. Congrats on you engagent and pregnancy! :)) and good luck with both, that’s a lot on your plate, but it’s happy stuff so yay! ๐Ÿ™‚

Just wanted to add that for me personally the traditional timelines kinda matter (for my life) and it has nothing to do with what people think, it’s what I want/think. I have 0 judgement for anyone, and anyone’s timelines, and you shouldnt care what people think as long as you are happy! ๐Ÿ™‚

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by  ana2017. Reason: Addition
Post # 14
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

View original reply
Lara_11:  No it wouldn’t. I’m Catholic and traditional and I would not have a problem with the pregnancy before marriage, nor would I assume it was a 1950s shotgun marriage!!! I would be thrilled with the upcoming baby and with my upcoming wedding!!

Post # 15
Member
3324 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

I would like to claim idgaf but it would bother me too.. So many marriages do take place because of pregnancy or the couple already having a child together. Its unfair that you get the judgement too but I don’t know theres anything you can do. Aside from mentioning that you were already engaged prior to but most women claim that anyway. Congrats on both happy events!

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