(Closed) Being pushed to choose a BM

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
7750 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@inspiration86:  You can choose who you want, and it’s none of your MIL’s business to even be asking.

However, if you ask A’s wife and FI’s sister, it may look a bit like a snub of B’s gf. If you find that puts you in a difficult position, it’s probably better to not ask A’s wife or FI’s sister to be bridesmaids either. You can always include FI’s sister by asking her to do a reading (like I did at my brother’s wedding).

Post # 5
Member
7750 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@inspiration86:  Well you can still do what you want. I think if Future Mother-In-Law asks again, then say: “I’ve only met her 3 times, and she refuses to be my friend on facebook”. That’s two good reasons.

If Future Mother-In-Law persists then ignore her, and/or get your Fiance to tell his mother to back off.

Post # 7
Member
7750 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@inspiration86:  I’m sorry to have to say this then, but the real problem is your fiance.

Your fiance is the person who needs to put Future Mother-In-Law in place. He should have your back at ALL times! It is disgraceful that he has sided with his mother against you!  YOU do not have to tell Mother-In-Law anything. Your fiance is the one who should be standing up for you and telling his mother to back off.

And why does Fiance have so many groomsmen? Has he asked them already? He should never ask his groomsmen until the two of you have agreed how many you are having and who you are having. So if, for instance, he has 5 guys he wants and you have 3 girls, then you should work out a compromise, which might be having two of the guys as ushers. (Or it might be you wait until you can choose 2 other friends). When I got married I wanted 2 or 3 bridesmaids. My husband only wanted 2 groomsmen, so we agreed and my 3rd lady did a reading.

Post # 8
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@inspiration86:  You do not owe your Mother-In-Law or anyone an explination. You choose who you want. Ask your girls, do not bring this up to Mother-In-Law, and IF she asks just say” my bridal party has been chosen” and if she keeps asking keep repeating. You are an adult. You owe her nothing.

Furhtermore, you do not have to include her in planning. You and Fiance plan each aspect and donot be afraid to tell her “FI and I have already decided that” or give her somethiing small to do like look for a guest book or help you find a photo album.

This girl lives miles away. What can she do as a Bridesmaid or Best Man anyway?

Post # 11
Member
4991 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Choose who YOU want.  Don’t even listen to anyone else.  

Post # 13
Member
3082 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

She’s not a sister or a wife. I wouldn’t put her in. 

Post # 15
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You are not obligated to make anyone a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Think of it this way – would this woman choose you to a Bridesmaid or Best Man at her wedding? From your description I would wager she would NOT ask you to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Be firm but polite if your Future Mother-In-Law brings it up again and try not to let this issue take up so much head space.

Post # 16
Member
7750 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@inspiration86:  No. Because you barely know her – you’ve only met her 3 times and she doesn’t want to be your friend on facebook. Also, it will be too late because you’ve already chosen your bridal party.

The topic ‘Being pushed to choose a BM’ is closed to new replies.

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