(Closed) Being rejected from church – any experience?

posted 7 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
2586 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@smiley3:

Yes – a girl I know was the president of her college’s Gay Straight Alliance, and her fiance’s Church would not permit them to get married there because of her.

Is there any way you can find out how conservative the congregation is?  There is such a huuuuuuuge range of what some churches accept and others dont.

Post # 4
Member
6248 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

I’m not sure if things are different in other areas of the country, as I can only speak for what I have encountered in New England — and we tend to be pretty liberal.  I have never heard of any brides that I know (in New England) having issues with the Catholic church if they live together.  I recently attended a Catholic wedding where the bride and groom already live together and no issues arose there surrounding the living situation. 

When Fiance and I met with our priest, the only time the living situation came up was when he asked our addresses to fill out forms. Note: Fiance and I do not currently live together.  But I asked my priest about this because he is my uncle so he would be honest and I felt comfortable talking to him about it.  According to him, it isn’t such a big deal anymore.  Of course the Catholic church would never admit that they “support” pre-marital co-habitation, but they aren’t going to prevent people from getting married in the Catholic church because those people live together. 

ETA: I am Catholic and Fiance is not.  Nor does he have any intention of becoming Catholic.  The only requirement is that both Fiance and I plan to have children and raise them as Catholic.

Post # 5
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

What I learned through my wedding planning is you have to ask ALL the questions…. because even if they should be, you’re the one that gets the short end if they don’t & then it comes up

Make a list of the things that you think or atleast know at this point would come up (at some point) and go ahead and call them back with your list.

I’m not Catholic… but even through planning with my venue we had an unexpected thing come up RIGHT before the wedding…… about set-up AND I’m one of those that asks the SAME questions ALL the time to check, double check, and triple check, and I STILL didn’t get all the info I needed. sigh

Maybe make a post here about things the Church asked other couples and then give them a call back where you do the asking instead of putting it on them to (even though it should be their responsibility) just to cover your own tush.

Post # 6
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee

You living together will be adressed when you meet with the priest, but I’ve never heard of a couple  being turned away because of it.  The church really should be denying a wedding if you aren’t able to marry (previous marriage), if you aren’t coming freely, you don’t see it as a lifetime commitment of love or if you don’t want to raise your children Catholic.  You should be fine, but if you are worried, talk to the priest, he will be the one adressing your living together anyway!

Here is a good resource, http://catholicweddinghelp.com/questions/rules-requirements.htm

Post # 9
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

I sang at a wedding where the bride and groom had a 4-month old son. I think you’ll be ok!

Post # 10
Member
1506 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Definitely ask a lot of questions. We had things come up days before our weddnig too!

Post # 11
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

My Fiance and I are both Catholic…and have lived together for over a year. I was really nervous about telling the priest this information. However, we needed to supply him with our addresses. I was immediately put at ease when he looked us in the face and told us that in this day and age, he thought it was a good thing that people cohabitated before marriage. I almost had to pick my jaw up off the floor. 🙂

Post # 12
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee

@smiley3:  Glad it was of help to you!

Post # 13
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Max04092010: That’s too bad that that priest not only doesn’t agree with some very core teachings of the Church in which he is a minister, but also goes around telling people!

Post # 14
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@red_rose: The church doesn’t have a rule about cohabitation, the rule is about premaritial sex. Cohabitation is discouraged, but you’re not sinning by living in the same apartment as your fiance.

Post # 15
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@KitKatNYC: I doubt that’s actually what the priest was referring to. 😉

ETA: I mean, he probably was referring to cohabitation, but I doubt that he actually believes that most people who cohabitate sleep in separate bedrooms! (So why say it’s a good thing and encourage it?)

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