(Closed) Being sneaky now I feel like crap!

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1816 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I do not think you are crazy.  If I found something like that it would hurt my feelings.  However, I would take comfort in the fact that it was in the past and that the girl is long gone.  It is not fair to hold it against him.  If it were me, I would have tell him I creeped into his email because I cannot lie or omit information to my Fiance.  Also, I would divulge the reading if it is going to bother you.  You do not want this to cause a rift between you two.

Post # 4
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

You should probably talk to him, it’s bugging you. Also, he should have deleted it. period.

Post # 5
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Okay, first of all, yes you were sneaky, but not THAT sneaky.  I know lots of girls who have snooped around in the inbox/outbox, myself included :).

It’s best to talk about your feelings, even if they were result of you snooping around.  I’ve been a similar position as yours.  I’m am sure that he just put this relationship behind him when he met you and that this other girl means nothing to him, but you were reading the emails as if they were ‘new’ (new to you), so your emotions are fresh and real.

Tell him that you are upset and ask him to delete the emails and other things that might remind him/you of this past relationship.

Post # 6
145 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t know… yes, its true that you should be jealous, after all, we are women. But I do have a few female friends that does tell everyone mwah to sign off, she tells me that all the time, that doesn’t mean anything, just that she is affectionate. Is there anything else in the email that would cause you concern besides the mwah part?

Post # 7
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think that it is totally normal to have jealous feelings even though it was before you two had met. You are together now and it is always going to be awkward and stir up some sort of emotion to even think about your man with someone else – but you actually saw word for word the way he spoke to her… so yes, I think it would be normal. However, if you do talk to him about it I would be sure that you stay as calm as possible and try to remember that it is his past and that you are his future.

Post # 8
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

You’re not crazy. It’s normal to feel jealous about your SO’s past relationships. But, you get to make the important decisions of how you manage those emotions and what actions you take, or don’t take, as a result. I’m a huge proponent of open and honest communication in relationships as the cornerstone of trust and intimacy, but I’m going to call this one of very, very few exceptions. Don’t tell him you snooped, and don’t do it ever again. He deserves to be able to trust you around his email and other personal information. For him to find out that you’re actually upset at him based on something that you found while violating his trust, and which happened before you started dating him, is going to make him feel hurt, angry and betrayed. Again, it’s normal for you to feel this way, but it’s not okay to get angry at your Fiance. Small white lies about past relationships are not a big enough breach of trust on his part for it to be worth opening this pandora’s box. Try to work through your emotions, remind yourself that you’re his one and only and that’s what matters now, and let it go. And I repeat: never, ever, ever look through his email or journals or anything ever again. Good luck.

Post # 9
1251 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with LittlestBirds. He gave you his information in confidence, probably trusting you not to snoop. It was a long time ago, so I would just forget you ever saw anything. You are the one he’s marrying, right?

Post # 10
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I also agree with LittleistBirds.  Sometimes being too curious can actually ruin things.  And as like ILikePink states, YOU are the one he’s marrying.  Not the girl in the email or anyone else for that matter.

Post # 12
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

When they are all deployed, they become like a family…i can understand where the jealousy can come from. It’s a very special dynamic over there.

Plus, even if they wanted to be more than friends, starting a relationship when you’re deployed and having any sort of relations is not allowed!

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