You two ladies GET IT. Thank you for your responses. You can’t imagine how helful they are…I almost want to show them to my Fiance.
is right…I didn’t elaborate enough in my original post. My problem is not necessarily with the amount he makes, it’s with the imbalance in our relationship in terms of effort, and money just happens to be a big factor in the effort it takes to sustain our lives.
The biblical reference is spot on, which is why I think it’s funny that women on here completely deny that there are roles that were intended for men and women on earth. It’s great that they can transend those, but it’s silly to deny them.
To the person who asked if I love my job, I do, thankfully. But should I desire a career change down the line I won’t have the flexibility I would if my Fiance made more and could support us.
He does have a job, just to clear that up. But as mentioned he’s been laid off before, and he’s quit jobs for better jobs that didn’t always pan out. So his career/income is not yet stable.
He was indeed raised in an extremely traditonal household where his father was the only one who worked and his mother was the homemaker (and still is). So I understand that how he was raised factors in. He does try to contibute around the house though, but he’s just not good at it b/c he didn’t start doing “chores” until we got together. I’ve been cooking and cleaning my whole life so it comes more naturally to me. He does TRY to take on the man role of fixing things, etc. but he’s just not good at it. Apparently his parents didn’t teach him this either…maybe his father wasn’t handy and paid to have things done around the house? I don’t know. So since we’ve been together, I’ve been trying to work with him to establich the roles within our relationship, and it hasn’t been easy.
I have talked to him about this, alot. I even once used the phrase, “I’m making you my handyman so you can earn your keep.” I was joking but half serious. (And please no overdramtic responses about how I’m so terrible for saying that to him.) It wasn’t malicious. He gets it, he just has trouble taking the initiative. I have to admit, he’s a bit lazy.
I guess my fear is that he’s gotten better, but is it enough to sustain our relationship? You either need money, or to bring other things to the table that make your lives easier. I’m just rethinking whether he brings enough to the table to contribute to a happy, manageable life. That’s all.
ETA: HE has some great qualities, obviously or I wouldn’t be with him. He’s smart, loving, fatihful, a great communicator, recognizes what he has and is appreciative. He does try, he does little things that a lot of men don’t do, he’s kind-hearted, chivalrous, family-oriented, funny, has a great personality, doesn’t have a spending habit (except on fast food). He actually started doing his own laundry recently b/c I was too busy with work, school, and wedding planning. I think he tries to compensate for the gap in income in other ways (like being loving and affectionate), but not necessarily in the ways that would best benefit our day-to-day lives. And I’m trying to get him to do this.
Appreciate all of the advice. It is amazingly helpful.