(Closed) Being the GF of a Chef…not so fabulous…

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

MY Darling Husband is freelance. He used to work at a site that was open weekends and holidays. It sucks, especially when you have plans for a couple days out and then work comes up, which he rarely can turn down because of the nature of the job. The worst is not being around for holidays like everyone else. I’ve tried to dig up some bright sides–he is usually off a few days during the week, and he looks after our pup and does housework. And, our TV viewing habits are VERY different so it’s nice to get the TV ALLLL to myself when he’s gone 🙂 I hear ya though.

Post # 4
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have a family member that’s a chef.  And his wife describes the exact same issues you do.  I think that’s the biggest downfall to that career…you are working when most other people have time off – evenings and weekends.  

And if your SO is like my cousin, when he’s home, the last thing he wants to do is cook.  His wife actually does quite a bit of cooking and they eat out a lot!

Post # 5
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My boyfriend owns a pizza restaurant and he also works 60+ hours a week. I don’t get to see him a lot during the week and he is also busy on the weekends. Like you I MISS him like crazy! It sucks when he has to cancel on me when they get swamped or an employee doesn’t show. He takes Sunday’s off and we spend all day together and if it’s an important event he will take it off also, but he is a workaholic! I keep busy with friends and school.

Post # 6
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Funny, that’s exactly why I chose science over culinary school – although I do love to cook, I did not want to deal with those hours!

Not my life anymore but I worked in a restaurant through college so I empathize –

Post # 8
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yep, I can empathize! Fiance started off in food science, but his love for cooking got the best of him, and he went back to school. He’s been Red Seal certified for about 5 years now, and he loves it! It’s funny he ended up becoming a chef, though, as he’s always complained that he never saw his father growing up (he’s a chef, as well), and that he didn’t want to be away from family, etc. I guess you just can’t fight what you love, though.
Thankfully, he’s sort of transitioning into teaching hospitality and tourism at the local college (also like his father–LMAO), so his schedule is more relaxed, and easy to work around, but it’s been a long few years for us.

Post # 9
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I had a friend who was a chef and he hated cooking when he got home since he did it all day at work, but I didnt realize the hours were so intensive

Post # 10
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My SO is a sub contractor & owns a topical (which is like moisture barrier for flooring, in case anyone wondered) company. He works 6-7 days a week, 12-14 hr days so i’m missing him alot 🙁 Esp. when he has to go out of town for jobs. It’s hard, I know, but it just makes it that much better when they get home 😉

Post # 12
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Mrs.Lonestar: I think Fiance feels really guilty that he missed out on so much with our Dirty Delete. She’ll be 7 in Sept., and right now he’s on a total baby/TTC kick. As a matter of fact, just last night he said, “I want to be around for it all this time.” Bless his heart.

Post # 13
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Mrs.Lonestar: I hope it gets better! I’m definately trying to keep busy since it’s summer.. lots of hiking, tv, and reading. He’s telling me it won’t always be like this, that he’s working hard for us and our future..crossing my fingers he won’t always be working 6 days!

Even on his days off the restaurant is calling him. It pisses me off! How hard is it to make a pizza?!

Post # 14
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My husband is a Suez Chef (I think that’s how you spell it) and his hours are always changing. It really bothered me at first, especially since my social life is non existant and the only person I have around is our busy 2 year daughter but I’ve just learned to enjoy my time while he’s gone. Read, enjoy a clean house, watch what I want to watch on TV….It makes the days when he doesn’t have to work that much better.

Post # 15
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee

OMG. I had to read that twice. Thought I wrote it for a moment. Seriously. My guy was a chef earlier in his career and has since moved to the front of the house as a restaurant manager. Same story as yours: he works CONSTANTLY, nights, weekends, all holidays, no days off. Doesn’t help that I work a morning office job. And because he works all the time I do all the cooking and when he is around we usually eat out.

We’ve been dating just over 2 years and I’m still trying to figure out how to cope. Espeically when we have problems. He’s never around and any time he’s around and there’s a bump in the road it feels 100 times worse because it might be another week before I see him for a couple hours again and I just lost my one opportunity to have a nice evening with him. And I’m not sure how, if we ever get married, we’d ever have children. I’d essentially be a single mother. YES, I’ve talked to him about this.

Sorry to hijack your concerns. But I’d like to know how to deal as well. I am SUPER independent but even the most independent person in a relationship occassionally has problems coping with being lonely all the time.

Post # 16
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My SO is also a Chef. I never imagined I’d be this lonely. He leaves the house at 9am and comes home 11pm or later…7 days a week….holidays…..weekends….Every time he thinks he’ll get some time off one of his staff quits…or something happens…When he is home he just falls asleep.

 

It doesn’t get better.

 

I think you either have to accept it and create your own life around him…or move on.

I am really struggling with this right now. Our dating anniversary is coming up on the September long weekend and I know I’m going to be disappointed because he won’t take time off.In almost three years we’ve had ONE weekend away. ONE.

I would like him to take a Sous Chef position rather than Executive Chef just so he doesn’t have the responsibility and his schedule will be more flexible. I think it’s a pride thing for him to think he’s “demoting” himself, but our future and our relationship are at stake.

 

I’m glad I got this off my chest.Cry

 

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