(Closed) Being the younger sister/second wedding in the family- pros and cons!

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’m a younger sister getting married in February, my brother is getting married in August almost exactly 6 months before me. At first I was also super annoyed… particularly because my Fiance and I (who have been together way longer than my bro and his fi) were already talking marriage when my brother shocked everyone and proposed to a girl he’d been seeing for 6 mo. So it kind of felt like he was stealing our thunder or something…. especially because they decided on august 2010 when i really wanted to get married in october 2010 (and who wants to get married within 2 months of their sibling). So um… I’d say at first I was super annoyed.

But now I’m over it. It is what it is and we’re making it work. We set our date later than we’d planned because we didn’t want to be too close to him and now I’m embracing the winter wedding idea. Having a longer engagement has also been kind of nice. My parents are helping both of us out somewhat (although they’ve made comments that they could’ve done more if we’d not been so close, what what are you going to do?), and the vases my mom bought for their wedding will actually be reused at mine so that is really nice. we don’t have any of the same vendors so that isn’t really an issue. other than the vase thing i’m not sure i’d say there is any real up-side to getting married so close though…

Post # 4
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Not only am I the younger sister, but my older sister has been through a wedding, a divorce, and another wedding. I am actually pretty lucky because of this. My parents are contributing the same amount to my wedding as they did to her first (bigger) wedding. And even better, they are so much more relaxed because for her second wedding, my sister only had 25 guests, and didn’t care about offending the “non-invited”. Now my parents aren’t so concerned about appearances.

I also get the benefit of parents who’ve been through it before, and also a sister who has, and who is so awesome and willing to help out with mine.

Personally, I think it’s great!

Post # 5
Member
2280 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m the second of four sisters, so I can fall into either category. My older sister got married several years ago. It’s mostly been bonuses for me. We already had a guest list for my side started; all I had to do was copy and paste the names/addresses I would be inviting from her doc into my spreadsheet. My older sister LOVES all things wedding related, whereas I’m not a huge fan of a lot of the stuff. So far she’s helped me with dress shopping and designing invites.

My SIL, who’s a few years older, got engaged about two weeks before I did. She’ll be having her wedding several months after mine (she wanted fall, I wanted spring). I’ve been sharing ideas/tips with her, which is nice.

The cons of being one of five children? I’m not getting much money from my parents, haha! My older sister and I also have completely different styles, and consequently very different weddings. I’m asking for a smaller wedding than my sister’s 200+ blowout, so the guest list has been a bit tricky.

Overall, it’s very handy to have a sister who’s already gone through the experience! She has plenty of advice and hindsight to share. Someday we’ll be able to pass that knowledge on to our two younger sisters, and eventually our little brother’s bride.

Post # 6
Member
1545 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I dont have brothers or sisters but my Fiance is getting married 2nd after his younger brother. His young brother is getting married this sept and ours in next november.

I like that the dates are so spaced so our family doesnt feel overwhelmed with weddings. Especially since with a wedding you arent just attending the wedding hopefully you are attending the bridal shower and bach. parties too. So its good we are far apart.

Post # 8
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Older sister here, getting married 6 months after younger sister did. We’re paying for it ourselves, and doing a small Destination Wedding… so no thunder stolen, and no financial recooperating, as far as I know.

We are having a home reception for the rest of our friends and fam in January, so the pros of having it after my sister’s is that I know exactly what I DON’T want at mine (bouquet/garter toss, candy buffet, etc). LOL. Oh yes, and the guestlist! Copy/Paste/Send!

Post # 9
Member
2829 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My big sister married in 07, so as far as pros go..

-there is a master guest list for my side of the family already drawn up neatly in word with current addresses & phone numbers (huzzah for less leg work!)

-we have a pretty good ballpark on what a ‘bigger’ wedding will cost

-experience with negotiating/dealing with people who work in the industry

-first hand experience of what we may or may not do

Cons:

-familial expectations to do everything the way she did

-already drawn up master guest list — just because it is there doesn’t mean we will invite every.single.person.

Overall I was never jealous/upset etc that she was getting married first; there is an 8.5 year age gap between us & she had been with her [now] husband for 10 years when they got married. It was about time 🙂

Post # 10
Member
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010 - The Atlantic Beach Club

My sister got married last October, and we got married this October. I had never been in a wedding before, so it was awesome to be the moh in her wedding before planning my own. I learned so much about weddings by going through everything with her first.

My dad did try to push for a double wedding though, but that didnt happen

Post # 11
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My sister has already been married twice and divorced twice, with the first wedding being a forced on her giant family affair paid for and planned by my dad and the second wedding being a small (less then 50 people) backyard affair at her ex-FH’s sister’s place.

I think my sister having been-there done-that twice before is actually a very good thing. Instead of my dad being all up in my face, demanding I do this or that and getting upset if I don’t do it HIS way (which is what he did for my sister’s first wedding 10 years ago), he handed me a check and told me to use it on whatever I want. He is insisting I invite a bunch of family I don’t know, but even then the guest list is fairly short for his side of the family (considering I was just at a “small” family reunion with over 200 guests!) and we’ve predicted many of them won’t come.

Other then that, i have no advantage. Different city, a decade later, and my sister, despite living only a mile away from me, has bascially not helped me with a single thing- not even dress shopping! She’s making us our guestbook, but..that’s really about it. My Future Mother-In-Law has been more helpful!

Post # 12
Member
626 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My older sister got the wedding of her dreams– my fatehr financed it. The open bar alone was almost 7 grand. Now… he’s too broke to help me out with mine at all. I’m a little jilted. But its nice to get my sisters help. 

I should note she got married 14 years ago when I was only 10… and got divorced a mere 6 years later when she found out her husband was a sham. 

Post # 13
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My older sister got married 16 years ago, and my older brother got married 3 years ago. I will be the 3rd of 5 (but the youngest) to get married.

I’m LOVING it. My parents have been through it before, and have helped out at enough of my cousins weddings, that they’re motto is ‘just pay someone to do it.’ They have money now that they didn’t before, and have worked so hard on other weddings that they don’t want anyone to have to work hard on mine. It’s kind of nice 🙂

My older sister has been a HUGE help. I’ve been in school this last year, so she’s taken on a lot for me. It’s like she gets to plan her wedding again, but with more time and money.

Post # 14
Member
516 posts
Busy bee

Older sister here.

Neither my sister nor I is engaged yet, but I would be plenty happy if she got married first.  That way she couldn’t complain about being second, getting hand-me-downs, etc., like she has about everything else!

Love her to death, but it’s true!

Also, due to the above dynamic, I would be happy if she got married first so she wouldn’t waste her engagement comparing her wedding to mine.  She could just be happy, do what fits her style, and not worry!

It’s a little sister trait, can’t be avoided I guess : )

 

Post # 15
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My aunt is 9 years older than me, but she has always been like a sister to me. Being in her wedding (this past June) deff showed me the things I want / don’t want… Although she had a pretty awesome wedding and I am afraid she is going to think I am stealing her wedding!! Imitation is sincerest form of flattery though right?! 😉 I don’t think she will mind, she already told me I should book her photog because he was so great!!

Post # 16
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

believe me you are so lucky.  I’m the second sister and my older sis is the favorite child so I know exactly what you mean about always being second. Right now I would LOVE to be the second one getting married.  My parents are practicing the first wedding on me and trying to get their way , pressuring me on some things and it’s been really tough.  I knew it would happen too. oh well.

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