Post # 1
My Maid/Matron of Honor just texted me saying that she and my bridesmaids are throwing me a shower. I’ve already told them that it is unnecessary when they first asked. My Fiance and I do not need anything- we are trying to get rid of items to be honest (if not friends- then a donation center). What’s the point of having a shower then? Add to the fact that a bunch of people will be showing up to look at me just kinda creeps me out a little bit. I don’t like attention and having a wedding I could deal with just that one day.
Can I say ‘thanks, but no thanks.’ And say I won’t show up?
My bridesmaids are very dear to me- I don’t want to upset them. I know that showers are expensive- having hosted many myself. I don’t want to put that stress on them. And find a location with decorations and food and the like. And I cannot stress how much I dislike attention- I’m cheeri-o in the background and quite content.
I’m a little lost.
Post # 2
Be honest with them and tell them how you feel. If they still insist on throwing you a shower, maybe you can tell everyone to donate to a specific charity, or help you with the honey moon? Just a suggestion. Good luck!
Post # 3
“Thank you so much! You know, we’re not having a registry. I’ve been to showers where the bride and groom weren’t registered and it can be a little strange because people don’t know what to bring. I’d prefer we called it a luncheon, would that work for you all?”
Post # 4
- Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club
It seems like they’re excited to celebrate. It’s perfectly OK to decline, but they will likely still want to do something and to that I would sugest maybe a bridesmaid brunch. Pick a weekend and a nice spot in town where you can have some food and mimosas and hang!
I would say something along the lines of “Thank you for the kind gesture. I appreciate your thoughtfulness, but I would prefer to not have a shower. As you know, we really do not need gifts and I woud feel terrible to have you ladies spending that type of money on me. Perhaps we can have a bridesmaid brunch with just us girls instead?”
Post # 5
I think it’s totally possible that when you said “that’s not necessary” that what they heard was “awww you guys don’t have to do that! ;).”
If possible, I’d try to enjoy the shower–your friends want to do something nice for you and I’m sure there are others in/around your wedding who want to participate to love on you too. I ended up having 3 showers and I felt so bad that there were 3, but it was because the people throwing them wanted so badly to do that for me/us. Once I looked at it from their perspective I was able to enjoy it.
Still donate your items, but also donate some things that are still good but that you’d be okay to renew/slightly upgrade.
If you absolutely can’t fathom 4 hours of your friends and family being excited for you, then yes, I’d say now is the time to tell your BMs that you so appreciate their gesture, and that you love them for wanting to do that for you, but that you don’t want/need a shower and you hope they understand. Don’t use the cost of the shower as a reason. You can’t decide what is too expensive for other people. If they are hosting they will host what is within their budget.
I wouldn’t threaten that you won’t come, that’s not the right step. Also, if you can’t handle a bridal shower you should probably start mentally preparing yourself now for handling your wedding day. Sure, no one is just sitting there watching you open presents but you will in fact be the center of attention that day, for way longer than you would be at a shower.
Post # 6
Perfect! I second this response. It allows them to honor you and you too not feel awkward!
Post # 7
I think I actually had this same post years ago. I absolutely did not want a shower, and my DH’s family thought I was being ridiculous…so they threw me a surprise shower. They didn’t invite my mom or any of my friends, they just did a shower with the family. It felt pathetic and awkward and I was upset they did not respect my wishes. Since I didn’t have any warning, like you do, I just put on a smile and thanked them, but if I had known ahead of time, I absolutely would’ve said something. Maybe you could say that you truly appreciate them wanting to do that for you, but that you would rather spend time with them at the bachelorette party instead as you feel uncomfortable going to a shower and don’t want people spending money on things you don’t need.
Post # 8
I’ll ask about the luncheon idea! And the donation to a charity instead of gifts!
I don’t think it will be small- ie just my bridesmaids. My mother called all excited about having a shower (I’m the only girl) and my Maid/Matron of Honor had contacted her for a guest list. She contacted my Fiance as well.
I’ve tried explaining to them that it is not necessary and I get this nervous/dread ball in my stomach just thinking about it. I don’t think they understand. I love them to death but I wish they would just believe me when I say I don’t want one. Having them stand next to me is honor enough.
Maybe… a whole bunch of people will RSVP no… that would make me happy.
Post # 9
I’ve gone so far to book therapy sessions for this exact reason. I wanted to elope!
I started crying even just reading your post!
I really don’t want people staring at me. And the guest list has ballooned because of our parents. There are 20 extra people being invited- it may not sound like much- but oh my god I can’t even imagine that many extra sets of eyes.
I’m totally scared and start freaking out when even the wedding is mentioned with all those people.