(Closed) Being told to rethink relationship

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t think never being in a relationship will solve the problem, you need to somehow believe and trust in people when they tell you you are beautiful and enough for them!

Now you are engaged and pregnant correct?

Try and also think about your baby, what kind of environment and selfesteem do you want him/her to have? They are going to need you to be there, supporting them, uplifting them and setting examples for how to live and act sucessfully!

Post # 4
Member
380 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

If he isn’t over his ex then yes I agree with your friend, you should rethink your relationship. It took me a long time to realize this but your partner is supose to be your best friend, so if you can’t talk to him about your issues then he isn’t really your best friend is he? I think you need to reflect on what you need to make you happy.

Look, man, when it comes down to it, we are all wrinlked saggy messes in the end, so what if she is hotter then you, looks fade, personality on the other hand last forever.She is not better then you, and if this doesn’t work out, well that just means that you haven’t found that person that you are suppose to be with.

I truly hope you can find a way to feel better and get through this.

Post # 7
Member
380 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

imataloss You need to stop comparing yourself to this woman, personally I think she kind of sounds like a dick, I mean who tells people that they could steal thier SO. You know my mom alway told me that if your SO is someone who can be stolen in the first place that they aren’t worth your time anyway.

Post # 8
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Honestly.. alot of people have trust issues.. I have my own.. but that doesnt sound like the big issue here..the big issue here is the fact that he admitted to still having feelings for his ex.. I think you need to take a look at that and see if you really think he is over her or not.. if hes not over her then you will never be able to have a good relationship because you are always going to be paranoid of him leaving her for you..and if hes not over her than your fears will not be unfounded and it would be very hard to work through it.. you should really talk to him and see how he feels..and also I would tell him that regardless of how long she was in his life he should be expected to just let her go if hes truely in love with you..

Post # 9
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I don’t think I’ll ever measure up. I’m not beautiful. I’m not pretty. I definitely do not have a pretty face.

Wow. I’m sad that you feel this way about yourself.  Girl, don’t put yourself down like that. You gotta love yourself before anyone else can love you. You say “FI gets angry and asks why I can’t just believe he thinks I’m beautiful”. I think that if you have trust issues and confidence issues, you are going to have them whether you stay with your Fiance or if you meet another guy.Your fiance loves you. Why else would he have asked you to marry him? Don’t think about the past–we allllll have past loves. But exes are exes for a reason!

Post # 10
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am so sorry you are struggling so badly with your self esteem. I am not convinced that your SO is the man for you but until you start loving yourself more you won’t be ready for Mr. Right. Reading between the lines here it doesn’t sound like you are very happy with him but that you feel like you are so unattractive if you don’t scoop up this man you will be all alone. Honey I promise you look just fine. Your weight doesn’t matter (except for health reasons). You don’t have to settle for a man that doesn’t make you feel like a princess. I know all about choosing men that are bad for you. With me it wasn’t a self esteem issue. I just feel a need to rescue people.  You won’t spend your life all alone if it doesn’t work out with this one. There are many many fish in the sea and it is honestly better to be alone than with the wrong man. Sending you a warm cyber hug.

Post # 11
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Honestly, I think you are being too hard on your Fiance. Based on what you wrote, it seems like you are projecting your own insecurities onto him and that’s pushing him away. Especially about your physical appearance, I think you need to be honest with yourself and figure out if there is ANYTHING he could really do that would make you feel okay about this. It sounds like he tries to complement you, but your insecurities get in the way. Have you thought about going to counseling to deal with some of your trust issues?

Post # 12
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think instead of asking online bees about this (no offense to all the ladies giving advice) you should instead be seeking professional help from someone who can help you overcome these issues. From someone who got help 2 years ago, it sounds like if you aren’t depressed already, you are certainly headed there. If you don’t have the financial means to access a therapist, there are clinics and help lines, and even some professional organizations that help their members find affordable mental health care. However things work out with your Fiance, you should really look into talking to someone about these issues, because the stress alone is not good for your or the baby either.

Post # 13
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

Oh my goodness. You should relax. Anyone who’s had a serious relationship before that could have worked but didn’t will continue to love their ex. I love my “big” ex and my boyfriend loves his “big” ex. We will always continue to “love” them inside, but that doesn’t make our love for each other any less important. While I still “love” my ex and would be there for him if he really needed me (as long as it didn’t affect my relationship with my SO), that doesn’t mean that I would go back to him or rather be with him. I’d rather be with my SO. And I know he’d rather be with me. If you’re open to it, it would benefit you to get some therapy. I had similar issues in the beginning of our relationship (it didn’t help that his ex was just “perfect” the way I saw it and I could never measure up to her). Now all of those insecurities and fears are gone. It took time and commitment, but now I KNOW it doesn’t matter how I look or how smart I am, he would never pick her over me. So, I would suggest that you see a counselor. It helped me a lot, and I think you’re making a much bigger deal out of this than it really is. You’re also giving his ex a lot of power over you, which you don’t want to do. Keep control and keep calm. And get expert help, it’s worth it.

Post # 14
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I just want to comment on the quitting smoking thing.

Recovering from alcoholism is enormously difficult, especially in our alcohol= social life culture. The VAST majority of addicts transfer their alcohol addiction to a new addiction, which is sometimes smoking. I know its not ideal, but, I think you have to give him a break on this one if he’s been true to staying sober. Its the lesser of two evils in this case, but people with addictive tendencies will most likely be addicted to *something* for their entire lives.  Eventually he may be able to move on to a healthier addiction (for a friend of mine, its video games, another person I know, its sunflower seeds).

Post # 15
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Why do you call her the love of his life and not yourself? Because he says that or because you’re projecting?

Im so sad to see you describe yourself in such poor terms. You truly do have to love yourself before you can feel worthy of love (the general you, not you specifically) and allowing these insecurities and lack of confidence to interfere with your happiness will continue to plague you until you face it head-on, either yourself, with your Fiance, or through a therapist. I wish you the best on figuring out this situation!

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