being Type A – pro or con?

posted 12 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 16
Member
1124 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

zzar45 :  I agree with you. I’m “Type B” but also very much a planner and organizer, what some would probably call a control freak. I don’t like these generalized labels. Personalities are so fluid and varied.

 

going2bmrsc :  My SO is a lot like yours. He took a 2-week roadtrip out west, driving with his two kids, with absolutely no plan — no hotels booked, no activities planned, just literally “let’s see where the wind blows us.” I got anxiety just thinking about it. When we take trips together, I put together a detailed day-to-day angenda of our activities. I’ve learned that what’s important is to use the agenda as a flexible suggestion, not a rigid schedule. Otherwise, I turn into a maniac when things don’t happen exactly as planned, and the vacation isn’t even fun anymore. It sounds like you guys came to a good compromise on planning your upcoming road trip.

It sounds like you may be experiencing some anxiety related to being in control. Exercise helps me keep my anxiety in check, especially things like yoga. It also gives me a chance to clear my mind and just breathe for an hour or so. What’s your social life like? Since you like reading, could you maybe join a local book club?

Post # 17
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

This is what I say about different personalities. 

The world is full of different personalities. They’re a core part of humanity, and they make us who we are. There is nothing inherently wrong with ANY personality. Organized, messy, Type A, extroverted, introverted, judgmental, free-thinking, emotional, analytical, yada yada. 

Personalities are only a problem when they inhibit us from fulfilling relationships that are positive experiences for all involved. They are only bad when they hurt people or hurt you. 

Post # 18
Member
2488 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

going2bmrsc :  I love this post! It’s super unique.

So I am definitely Type A. I was on the executive board for Student Council in high school and for my sorority in college. In high school I was involved in a few groups that coached the younger kids, tutored, was involved in NHS, I did the announcements, I was a host for our school tv show that aired on Thursdays. I also played tennis every season. I’ve always been one of those people who needs to do things to occupy my time. I wouldn’t say that I’m high energy per se, but I get bored easily.

I actually don’t like spreadsheets but I like planning things with a good old fashioned pen and paper. I’m a huge fan of travel so I love to plan the next trip. However, I don’t think vacation is fun if you plan out every little detail.

For instance, my husband and I went to Norway for our honeymoon. He gave me the reigns and I planned everything alongside our travel agent. I decided on four cities. Of those four cities, two of them I had activities planned out for the days we were there. The other two cities I figured we could walk around and find out what we wanted to do. The planned activities were great. And for the cities I didn’t plan anything, we ended up taking a last minute fjord tour and it was great! 

My husband is for sure a Type B personality. He is very laid back and easy going. He really can’t plan much to save his life. And we mesh perfectly. He doesn’t like to pland and I do so I get to do what I love. Now, I will say I’m also a laid back Type A if that’s a thing? So we mix well because I’m not too high strung or too focused on the “schedule”. 

I really enjoy keeping a very, very neat and tidy home and I enjoy cooking. So a lot of my planning energy goes in to meal planning, cleaning, laundry, etc. I don’t know if that works for everyone but for me it really fills that planning void lol.

Post # 19
Member
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Oh my gosh this is so me in so many ways, I love a good spreadsheet! My SIL’s are the same way so my husband has a great joke for the 3 of us neurotic women in his life:

“What is the first thing a woman does when planning a vacation? Open up Excel!”

SO. TRUE. 

Luckily I have been able to channel mine into work for the most part, I am an engineer in a highly technical field and I am working on my 3rd college degree, gives me plenty of uses for my organization and planning skills. Part of my job is acting as a project manager and writing the planning for the techs to build parts, and everyone knows how good I am at planning so they put me on the projects that need a driving force the most, they know I am the one that will get it done! 

Regarding the PP who said do we hate surprises – I actually have never had a surprise party and I would LOVE one, but I know it would never happen because I am too much of a control freak. Darling Husband actually told me I am un-surprisable and that annoys him, because I can never be going in to my birthday weekend or something without plans *gasp* for him to even have a free moment for a surprise! 

We are currently TTC and that is the one thing that gives me a bit of anxiety because I know I CANNOT control everything regarding pregnancy, child birth or raising kids. I am actually at the point now where I am getting worried that me being so high strung may affect my ability to conceive…

Post # 20
Member
7676 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

jackjackattck :  We are currently TTC and that is the one thing that gives me a bit of anxiety because I know I CANNOT control everything regarding pregnancy, child birth or raising kids. I am actually at the point now where I am getting worried that me being so high strung may affect my ability to conceive…

While stress can be a factor in TTC relaxing will not magically make you conceive either. I’m a very high strung person and suffered through infertility. I hated people that said if I “relaxed” I would magically have a baby as if it was my own fault I wasn’t pregnant yet. We needed IVF (explained infertility due to problems with both of us) and relaxing more wasn’t going to change that fact. So yes, try to enjoy baby making because stressing out about stressing out is frustrating, but don’t think that your personality is going to make or break the process!

Post # 21
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I can totally relate.  I too am super type A, sometimes to the dismay of myself, haha.  Task oriented and list making behaviors..  organizing and de-cluttering, all of the above!  

What I’ve learned from being with my FH (I think he’s more type B, though he claims to be type A at work), is that it’s okay to slow down, you don’t have to hit all the marks and check all the boxes.  And you may actually find yourself enjoying the aimless wandering of a new place, while experiencing and enjoying simple things.

And yes, I hear knitting is great!

Post # 22
Member
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

LilliV :  I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles, but that is a very good point so thank you!! I have not heard comments like that from friends yet but we have not been trying for very long, so I can imagine if I am not pregnant in 6 months or so my stress may come up as a conversation topic. It is so weird entering into such a new territory that no matter how hard I try to plan for or control, it will be out of my control. Totally new for me, and hopefully I can learn to adapt easily! Stressing out about stressing out is such a waste of time and energy.. so thank you for the comforting insight!

Post # 23
Member
7676 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

jackjackattck :  my college roommate gave me the best advice for dealing with stress surrounding things we have limited/no control over and it was “don’t practice your emotions”. There is no point in worrying about something that might happen because maybe it won’t and then won’t you feel silly for worrying over nothing. It’s hard to put into practice, but she gave me that advice a decade ago and I still remind myself of it regularly. And good luck with the baby making! 

Post # 24
Member
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Greenspot Farms

going2bmrsc :  Hello! Fellow Type-A, here! I would say the pros are I am very organized, efficient, and straight forward. Myself, hubby (fi at the time) and 3 friends went on a trip to Greece 2 summers ago and I planned the entire thing! It was an incredible trip. I know some people like to “wing it” but honestly 9 times out of 10 when I tag along on these types of trips they just fall apart and it seems like such a waste.

Cons: It can drive other people batty, I truly believe my way is better / more efficient. I get easily stressed out when other people don’t plan or stray from the plan. I can also waste a lot of time and procrastinate things I don’t want to do by making my lists and spread sheets instead lol.

Editing to add, my husband is 100% Type B and it works for us because he is so mellow that he doesn’t mind my plans!

sassy411 :  I loathe surprises! lol

Post # 27
Member
4692 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Being type A is definitively a great thing! Hubby is textbook type A and I’m definitively more type B and we work very well together. Hubby has a lot of hobbies and a list of things to do at home , etc that keeps him busy most of the time. Staying busy with planning activities and events seems to help you destress so keep doing what you’re doing.

Post # 28
Member
3075 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2006

going2bmrsc :  I find this thread comforting. I am type A. I love lists!!!!! And I plan everything in advance. As a matter of fact, just this morning my husband was talking about a meeting he has this evening for a huge career opportunity and I asked what time. He doesn’t know!! What??!???!! How can you not know THE DAY OF??!!!??? It gave me anxiety just thinking about it, and he actually acted irritated that I even asked about the time. Probably because all I do is ask questions about details because I’m planning in my brain! He is absolutely type B. His whole family is. They never have a set day or time for anything and it’s all last minute. Going on vacation with them is maddening!!!!!! My joke with my husband is that “you never know until you see the whites of his eyes.” He could say he’ll be there in 20 minutes and it can be 4 hours later. Or not at all. He grossly underestimates the time it takes to do things, and gets sidetracked very easily. You should see the inside of his truck. Omg. 

We also have to travel states away every summer to pick up/drop off my step son and NO ONE plans it in advance. It’s like the day before and they ask if I can meet up. And the MORNING OF they’re texting me telling me they’re 3 hours behind and just now leaving. Um, what? I want to know an exact time, date and place at least 3 days in advance and you better not deviate from it! 

I’ve been working on an upgrade wedding set, and I’ve been sketching my designs out and I’ve found it to be so therapeutic! I’m not much of an artist, but sitting and listening to music md keeping my hands busy has been awesome. Now that the process is nearly over, I’ve been trying to find other things that give me the same satisfaction. I love to cook/bake and I put a lot of focus on that every week, but I think I might take  everyone’s advice and start knitting or crocheting! 

Now the OCD side of me will probably research til I’m blue in the face and I’ll never pick up the first hook. That’s my MO. I read about it and never do it. Same with buying products. Lol. Hopefully I follow through this time! Maybe we should start a crocheting/knitting thread! 😂😂😂

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