Post # 1
Last week, I wrote a post about receiving an invitation to an elopment as an “and guest” even though I knew the bride and groom personally. As I mentioned, there is some tension between the bride and my fiance (who is the groom’s best friend).
Now, I have a sad update. While we were on vacation this weekend, my Fiance recieved a text from the groom uninviting me to the wedding, which is being held at a courthouse. We received a formal invitation for both of the reception and the ceremony, and their wedding is in April. My Fiance got very, very upset and I awoke this morning to a screaming fight between the two of them. As it stands now, my Fiance refuses to go to the wedding without me and is asking the groom to not be in our wedding (he was going to officiate it).
Ok. So, here’s the deal. I understand that they are doing a small, civil ceremony and then a reception at a local restaurant. I do feel horrible that I am being cut from their list, but I understand that they are limited in the number of people they can and cannot invite. My Fiance believes that since I was originally invited, I should be able to go and that uninviting me is a major personal insult to the both of us and their friendship.
Anyways, I am more of curious on where we should go from here. I would hate for them to lose their long term, very wonderful friendship over this. I would also hate for there to be even more issues with the bride. And I dont want to get in the middle, even though I am the issue at hand. I also worry that because this groom is dying and his bride will have complete medical control over him when he becomes unable, this may be a bigger issue later.
What would the hive do?
Post # 3
Whoa buddy, uninvisting your best friend’s fiance… thems fightin’ words! Your fiance is 1000% in the right for being insulting, saying so and standing by your side. That is a huge and obviously intentional slap in the face. I would do nothing and let Fiance handle it, but I would also try to talk him down because screaming isn’t going to solve anything. I honestly don’t know what I would do beyond that. I guess the issue is why does the bride or groom not want you there? It being small is an excuse so I’d want to get at the root of the issue there. I’m sorry dude, that sucks.
Post # 4
Wow! What a difficult situation!
Honestly, if it were me, I would try to look past all the ettiqute issues and snarkiness. If your FI’s friend is ill and his condition is going to deteriorate then I think that is the thing to focus on. Like you said, you don’t want them to loose their lifelong friendship over something like this. I would worry that you Fiance would have a very difficult time dealing with his friend’s death if things ended like this. Also, you wouldn’t want your Fiance to later on be resentful.
I would talk to your Fiance and tell him how you feel. You love him more than you care about being invited to a wedding. Then, I would reach out to the other bride. Maybe write her a letter stating that you understand she is making the decisions that she feels like is best and that you support her marriage. Tell her how much you appreciate her Fiance being such a good friend to your Fiance through the years and that what is most important is that they maintain their friendship. I would let her know that she doesn’t have to worry about any drama coming from you. Perhaps putting her at ease would help settle everything else.
Good luck, girl!
Post # 5
@mixtapehearts: I know the groom wants me there… it’s more of that they invited too many people. It’s just so sad. They could have easily looked this up or called the court house and checked. I’m just sad that I am the one being axed.
Post # 6
Did they actually use the term ‘uninvited’ or did they say you just could not come. In this case, there is a huge difference.
I wouldn’t be offended. With a maximum amount of people allowed at a civil ceremony, it should be the closest of friends and family, if they were going to go over the maximum, would you have rather they cut grandpa or you? In this case, I think your Fiance needs to look at it from that perspective. Honestly, I think he’s the one being immature about it.
Post # 8
He’s dying and he chose to spend his time fighting with a close friend? Nice. I’d say your Fiance should go because he’s dying. If he wasn’t, I’d say he shouldn’t go because what they did was in really bad form.
Post # 9
@ananeele: I believe the text said, “We cant have her there.”
I get what you mean though.
Post # 10
@Dandelion D: agreed.
If the groom is sick with a life threatening illness, then this all needs to be pushed aside. I think your Fiance should call him back, apologize, and go to the wedding. I know men have issues with pride sometimes, but he needs to do this. If something happens to the groom, your Fiance will never, ever forget the fight and the fact that he didnt go to the wedding/their last conversation was them screaming at each other.
And as for the bride, she is probably being tense with everyone. She is probably in more difficult of a situation than anyone understands unless they have been there. I can’t imagine if my Fiance was dying and I would assume full medical control of him after our wedding. That’s so serious.
I know your feelings are hurt…but just remember that everyone involved is going through something difficult…and you can feel hurt but just encourage your Fiance to go to the wedding and make up with his friend, please.
Post # 11
I honestly wouldnt even want to attend a wedding by these people
Post # 12
I think your Fiance is right on this. Consider the relationship of your Fiance and the groom, they would need to invite you both since you are engaged. So my feeling is that couple knew what they were getting into when they decided to uninvite you.
So I think your Fiance is right to be upset and insulted. However, I think you two should talk to see how your Fiance want to persue this friendship in the future. Yelling at the guy won’t help the situation so make sure your Fiance is calm on this first. But personally, if my friend did this to me or Fiance, I don’t think I want to be friends with them anymore.
Post # 13
@Dandelion D: Completely agree, great advice!
Post # 14
Good for him for sticking up with you. I’m doing a small courthouse ceremony with mostly just family, and I invited my cousin’s boyfriend and my BFF’s Fiance because it’s polite. It is incredibly rude to invite – and then uninvite – you to this event, even if they changed plans after sending out invites.
PS. You and that girl will probably never be friends. It’s OK, cause you seem cool and rational, and her – not so much.
Post # 15
@redheadem: The friend is currently in good health. However, it’s pretty much agreed that he probably only has a couple of good years left.
Post # 16
The groom is dying? I totally missed that part. Either way of all the people to cut you are the one? That is just odd to me. I wouldn’t think the best friend’s wife would be the logical choice to cut at all. Hm. Maybe your Fiance and him will talk it out? I hope so because it would be a shame for him to miss the wedding.