Being walked down the aisle

posted 1 year ago in Ceremony
Post # 16
3948 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My father escorted me down the aisle. I’m a pretty staunch feminist, but I knew it would mean a lot to him to have that memory, and it was a lovely moment with him that I am glad I had.

(Also glad he was there because I tripped a bit at the head of the aisle and he steadied me before I completely embarrassed myself!)

Post # 17
648 posts
Busy bee

It’s important to my fiancée that her dad walks her down the aisle:  she’s an only child and her mom died when she was a teen, she & her dad are really close.

I chose to walk with both my parents in my first marriage, because that public acceptance was important and meaningful at the time.

This time, I plan to walk solo or wait at the front of our space for my bride, and my parents don’t love attention so they won’t feel that they are missing out. 

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by leztrythisagain. Reason: eta: I'd describe myself as lesbian & a feminist
Post # 18
238 posts
Helper bee

My dad did for my first wedding, which was as traditional as it gets.

For my second wedding my teenage daughter might walk with me or I might just walk by myself.

Post # 19
2785 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

The traditional reason for a father to walk his daughter down the aisle was for the purpose of giving her away at the end. I think if you skip that part, you’ll be avoiding the key part of the patriarchal history of it. 

My dad is walking me down the aisle because I love him. He’s always supported me when I’ve needed him, and in the literal sense, I’ll need it– I’m walking down the a brick-paved walkway as my aisle, in a fitted dress with a train. I might be wearing a short wedge heel, but there is still a 50% chance I could fall flat on my face if my dad isn’t there to catch any unsteadiness. 

There will be no “giving away”.

Post # 20
41 posts

I think it’s traditional to think only fathers can take this role. My mom walked me down the aisle and this decision came very easy for me. I never saw it as “giving me away”. I only remember it as ..I have the closest and most special person who supported me every moment in my life right next to me.

At the end of the day, do what makes you happy! But if you do end up walking with someone, make sure you choose a person that is very special to you.

Post # 21
417 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

My Dad walked me down the aisle – twice. Second time I was 43. I never considered I was being ‘given away’ and of course my Dad plays as big a part in my life since the weddng as he did before. It was just a lovely traditional moment. 

Lots of tradition has slightly omincous backgrounds but life moves on and we can have them mean what we want to have the mean, we are not beholden to the past. It’s really up to you if you want to do it!

My only thought is – it would be a shame to miss out on a lovely moment you quite fancy doing, just to make a point. If you are not fussed then there is no obligation! 

Enjoy it – whatever you do! 

Post # 22
139 posts
Blushing bee

I didn’t have anyone walk me down the aisle.  Nothing to do with the patriarchy, I just felt most comfortable by myself.  My parents and my husband’s parents all walked in first as a part of the processional.

Post # 23
1557 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@lauralaura123:  Perhaps he should walk down the aisle then, as a symbolic gesture of joining your family.

Post # 24
3106 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply

An easy solution would be to do the processional the way it’s done in Brazil:

Bride walks with her father

Groom walks with his mother:

Mother of the bride and father of the groom walk together.

This way, it is not a matter of the father “giving away” his daughter, but integrating and honoring both sets of parents.

Post # 25
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2020

I walked down the aisle with my mom and my dog. 

Post # 26
762 posts
Busy bee

Many aspects of the traditional western wedding are couched in patriarchy. We all pick and choose what we can accept and/or reframe in terms of symbolism, be it the proposal, parents’ “blessings”, an engagement ring, a white dress, a veil, walking down the aisle, vows, and so on. We accept/reframe the aspects that are important to us for whatever reason, and drop the ones that don’t feel applicable or valuable.

If being walked down the aisle isn’t important to you, then it doesn’t have to be. What prompted this discussion of the meaning of the act? Does your fiance want someone to walk you down the aisle? In this case I don’t know why he would feel that strongly about it because it doesn’t affect him directly. Maybe he just has an idea of what a “default” wedding looks like. Or if he’s just discussing it for discussion’s sake, then I wouldn’t worry too much about how he views it if you view it differently.

I am having my father walk me down the aisle because it is an easy and comfortable way to involve him in the wedding, which I want to do. He is not someone who is comfortable with giving a speech or dancing with me, and neither of us is interested in a “father first look” with photos. But walking down the aisle is a brief way for us to connect that day. So that’s why I’m doing it.

Why my dad and not my mom? Because my mom wouldn’t want to walk with me. She wants my brother (my man of honor) to walk her down, and to watch me walk with my dad. And that’s what I want – for my parents to be involved in the ways that are meaningful to them. As long as I’m not made uncomfortable or unhappy by it, I’m cool with doing it for them.

Post # 27
7991 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

in jewish weddings, the groom is escorted down the aisle by both of his parents, followed by the bride by both of her parents.

both of our fathers had passed away prior to our wedding.  as my husband’s mother had a stroke and couldn’t walk very well, he pushed her wheelchair down the aisle.   and i walked with my mother.

Post # 28
1029 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

You should do whatever you feel most comfortable and happy with!

For me, it was less about being escorted and more about the symbolic nature of old into new. My parents who raised me walked with me into my next journey (I had both my mom and dad walk with me). My husband also walked with his parents down the aisle before me!

Post # 29
7996 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

My father had died before I was married, and it never occurred to me to have someone walk me down the aisle. However, I do think it is a nice gesture if a father wants to be involved. I probably would have had my dad walk me down the aisle had he been with us.

If you want to get upset with marriage symbolism, then don’t get married in a white dress, don’t wear a veil, have no best man at the wedding, don’t have a bouquet toss, don’t wear an engagement ring, don’t have a shower, and don’t take his name (or automatically give it to any children you may choose to have). And I certainly hope you didn’t wait for a proposal. 

Basically, what I am saying is that MOST traditions in weddings came from their patriarchal roots. We can choose to abandon them, use something else in their place, or reframe them to suit us. Having your father walk you down the aisle is no more patriarchal than wearing a white dress or wearing an engagement ring, IMO, but YMMV.

Post # 30
7800 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I absolutely hated the idea, I’m not property, I dont need anyone to give me permission to marry. But I havent spoken to my dad in like 20 years, so that was never going to be a thing. My mom offered herself and suggested some other men to do it, but I declined. 

I walked like 3/4 of the way by myself, had my husband come out to meet me and we walked up the remainder together. That symbolism was really important to me. We were joining together and facing everything coming forward as a team. 

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