Post # 1
I am torn on what to do about walking down the aisle and would love to hear some different suggestions and opinions. This is a really long post but i really want some different opinions. So thanks in advance to those who take the time to read and reply.
I didn’t meet my father until I was 14. He left my mom when he found out she was pregnant. My dad is an alcoholic and a drug addict. He has been in and out of jail, prison and rehab my entire life. When I was 14 he got out of jail and had nowhere to go. So my mom let him move in with us. They ended up getting married when I was 16. He refused to work and let my mom work 2-3 jobs to pay the bills while he stayed at home getting drunk or high and cheating on her. He was physically and emotionally abusive to my mom. I moved out at 18. I’m 24 now and have spoken to my father once in 5 years. We never built a relationship. He was never there for me even when we lived in the same house.
Because my mom was in college and worked full time when she had me, my grandmother and step grandfather helped raise me. I was at their house just as much as my moms house. My grandmother married him before I was born and he has always treated me just like his own. He has done more for me than any other man in my life. I lived with them half of the time. He paid for almost everything down to my school lunches, field trips and doctors bills growing up. He used to pay for me to go on family vacations and trips when my mom didn’t have the money. He went to all of my ball games and school functions. He was literally the only father figure I ever had and I thank God every day for putting such a great man in my life. I have no clue where I would be today if my grandparents hadn’t been there for me. He already asked if he could walk me down the aisle and I really feel like he should be the one to do it.
I know my dad will be hurt but I honestly don’t care. What I do care about is not hurting my real grandfather (my moms dad.) I feel like if my step grandfather walks me down the aisle it will hurt my real grandfathers feelings. My real grandfather has been there for me too but nowhere near as much. Hes a good grandfather but Im just not as close to him. He wasn’t around as much as my step grandfather. Before my step grandfather asked I was planning on walking down the aisle alone. He told me it would mean the world to him if I let him walk me down the aisle. I know it means more to him than it would to my father or real grandfather. I don’t want to hurt his feelings by not allowing him to and doing it by myself. And it would be comforting to me to have someone there by my side.
Am I overthinking this? I know its my big day and I should do what makes me happy. I’m just really worried I will hurt my real grandfathers feelings. Any suggestions or advice?
Post # 2
- Wedding: September 2015 - Country Club
I have a similar situation with my wedding. My father has passed so I was going to have my brother walk me down the isle but I felt bad about not involving my step-father, who has been in my life for a while now. So what I am going to having my step father walk me down the isle and I’m doing the father/ daughter dance with my brother. Maybe you can have each of your grandfathers involoved then.
Post # 3
Would your grandfather and step-grandfather be willing to both walk you down the aisle? I wouldn’t worry about involving you father but it sounds like you do care about your two grandfathers. Or as jmuffins5 said you could have one walk you down the aisle and the other for the ‘father/daughter’ dance.
Post # 4
- Wedding: Atrium at the Curtis Center
Would you consider having them both escort you? That might be nice.
Post # 5
I was going to say something like jmuffins sugguested. Or you could have them both walk you down the aisle. I’ve been to a wedding where the bride had her dad and step-dad walk her down the aisle, it was cute! My dad passed away 5 years ago and I knew right then that my younger brother would walk me down the aisle on my wedding day. I haven’t decided yet though if the father/daughter dance will be with my brother or grandpa.
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2015 - On a Cliff Overlooking the Bay, Florida
lucylove1990: Let your Step Granfather walk you.If would mean the worls to him and it sounds like it means more to him than the other 2.
I have kinda the oppisote story growing up i had the perfect family life (so i thought) and when i was 21 (no longer elegible for his military belefits) my dad walked out of our life….vanish….boom gome. It took us almost 2 years to find him to server divorce papers and we found out he had another family 5 min down the road for the past 14 years. I have physically seen my father since he walked out but he avoides me (we were at the grocery store and he turned around and walk a different way so he wouldn’t have to pass by me) My mom told me to be the bigger person and send him an invite but i didn’t as far as i’m concerned i have no dad.
I asked my Uncle (Mom’s bro) to walk me (after i got his daughters permission she said she was honored i think so highly of her dad to ask) he got emothional when i asked because he knows how much not having a dad hurts me right now.
Post # 7
Can you just explain to your other grandfather that your step-grandfather asked to walk you down the aisle, and it is meaningful for the both of you to have him do that? I would think that his feelings wouldn’t get hurt by this. Since you are much closer with your step-grandfather, and it seems to mean so much to him, I think it would be a bit weird to include your other grandfather just out of fairness. Maybe you can include your other grandfather in a different way, such as having him do a reading at the ceremony or asking him to give a speech.
Post # 8
You could have both your grandfathers walk you down, if that’s something you’re open to. And it doesn’t sound like you want your father/doesn’t sound like he deserve the honor of being the one to walk you down, so I’d discount him entirely. Honestly, you sound like you know you want your step-grandfather to be the one to do it and that it would mean the most to both of you if he was there for you in this way – ultimately, that’s what’s most important. If your biological grandfather knew what was happening when you were growing up and what the situation was with your step-grandfather, then I’m sure he understands and won’t feel slighted. You could also potentially set aside a special dance for him if you wanted, to show that you appreciate his role in your life as well?
Post # 9
It isn’t required that anyone walk you down the aisle.
Why not your mother?
Post # 10
2XMOB: I think she knows that, because she said she was originally going to walk by herself. It’s just that her step-grandfather specifically asked her if he could walk her down the aisle, since it would mean so much to him. So now she’s in a pickle: let her step-grandfather walk her, since he requested it and it clearly is special to him? But now risk hurting the feelings of her other grandfather, or father?
OP, I wouldn’t care about hurting your dad’s feelings. He must know he messed up in a lot of ways, and wasn’t there for you like he should have been. It makes perfect sense that you’d go with a grandfather who was actually there for you. Since your step-g asked and said how much it would mean to him, I’d let him walk you. Then, you can either have your other grandfather co-walk you down the aisle, do a dance with him, or just ask him if he’s okay with that: “I was planning to walk myself, but step-g asked and said how much it would mean to him, and I’m hoping that’s okay with you?” Or “would you like to walk down with me, too?”
Post # 11
thanks for replying. I’m sorry for what you have gone through. Not having a relationship with your dad can be so hard sometimes. 🙁
Post # 12
Thanks for all the helpful replies! 🙂