(Closed) Being with someone who has a child

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Would you have a serious relationship with someone who has children?

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 62
    Member
    6386 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Nope, it’s a dealbreaker for me.  I wouldn’t even think about dating someone with children.

    Post # 63
    Member
    588 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    @KatB442:  thank you. Hopefully a deeply recessed fear to never be realized. For what it’s worth, DH has set me up as sole executor and poa of all his assests should he perish before me. The children would then be completely dependent upon me for financial support. hopefully a move that would entice the Ex to fly straight and also give me consistent access to them and NOT just be a checkbook to them…again, I can only pray it would never even come to fruition…

     

     

    View original reply
    @lionsheart:  oh yes, I get it alright! I feel like a 5 star veteran in my short tenure of a mere 11 months!!! Those first few were EXCRUTIATING. as mentioned, I’m not ashamed to admit, I sought counseling with a really good family therapist who specializes in ADHD cases, as my bonus-son, 12, is very high spectrum. Every day is a new adventure! I also found a local support group for parents of ADHD children and read several books! One of my favorites…just because it’s so damn REAL, is “Stepmonster” by Wednesday Martin. Very good read, painfully realistic from a step mommys (rather ascorbic, socially unacceptable) POV. A softer balance to that is “The Smart StepMom” by Laura Petherbridge, written from a Christian POV but very practical and “kind” if you will. Very best of luck to you in your new endeavor!!! Any time you feel you’d like an ear, feel free to PM me 🙂 

    Post # 64
    Member
    1845 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I would never date someone who has children.

    Post # 65
    Member
    1338 posts
    Bumble bee

    Never. Absolute dealbreaker.

    I don’t want children of my own FWIW.

     

    The only exception would be if I was older and met someone and he had grown children. Maybe then.

     

    Post # 66
    Member
    122 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @MissHarleyBlue:  haha! we just might be! it’s so hard, my DH thinks I’m too hard on them because I have expectations for them. for example, they have to go to bed at a decent time, they can’t eat junk food before dinner, they have to take baths, and clean their room regularly. it’s not easy girl! & like you will be, I am with the kids way more than he is due to our job schedules. good luck! 🙂

    Post # 67
    Member
    1589 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    At this point in my life- no- I am too young and I am not ready to be a parent yet- not that I have ever been placed in that situation either.

    I have a couple friends who are dating guys with kids.  One has joint custody so the kid (about 9) is with them half the time and she gets along with the mom pretty well.  One problem is they cant move too far from the bio mom.  When our mutual friend wished her Happy Mother’s Day I felt like a total jerk- she’s totally a mom too and deserves the recognition!  Another friend of mine is dating a guy with a 5 year old.  The mom literally signed away all her rights to the kid at birth and didn’t want to be involved.  This guy literally raised his kid on his own and he is an awesome guy.  He does let the bio mom see the kid sometimes even though he legally doesn’t have to and there isn’t anything that would stop them from moving if they wanted to for a career opportunity.  I have the utmost respect for my friends in this situation- I am not sure I could do it myself. 

    Post # 68
    Member
    1471 posts
    Bumble bee

    I guess it just depends. I am 20 years old, and my SO is 22. I don’t think I would date someone at my current age who has a child. I’m not at the stage yet that I want to be a mother, and I don’t think I would want to mother someone else’s child at the moment. If I were in my late twenties/early thirties then it may be a different story. Personally, it would also depend on the age of the child for me. I don’t think I’d want to be 28 and with someone who has a teenager. I’m sure other people have had great experiences with this, but I don’t feel like I’d have any control over the kids at that point. If the kids were younger that would be different because you can establish yourself in more of a parental role. 

    Post # 69
    Member
    153 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I am currently dating a guy who has a 9 year old daughter. At first it was hard to adjust having to work around our work schedules and his schedule with his daughter. He’s a cop and works every other weekend 12 hour shifts so on his weekends off he has his daughter and for the first 5 months of our relationship I only got to spend time with him when she was sleeping, now we go and do stuff as a family. At times it is hard because you aren’t replacing that childs mom or dad and you dont want to cross any boundraries. We are not about 10 days from moving into our house together and I can’t wait to see what life brings us. It will be so much easier for us since he won’t have to worry about being home by the time she wakes up and stuff.

    Post # 70
    Member
    2563 posts
    Sugar bee

    @freshflowers:  Honestly i would IF and only IF they had a good relationship with their mother. It shows maturity and responsibility.

    I have dated someone with Baby mama drama – noooo thank you!!!

    Post # 71
    Member
    1413 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2000

    I am currently married, but if he had a child, we’d love eachother the same.  You can’t control who you fall in love with.

    Post # 72
    Member
    736 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    commenting to follow

    Post # 74
    Member
    32 posts
    Newbee

    I’m currently in a relationship with a man who has a 7 year old son, and I gotta say, I’m LOVING IT! I never thought I’d be into dating a single dad (I even used to be against the idea), but I’m a believer now. It’s really something special. Here are a few reasons why:

    -I can instantly tell that he’s a good father and responsible parent. No guessing here. I’ve seen him tackle tough situations with perfect parental grace. If we have our own children, I know exactly how he will parent.

    -He’s selfless. After 7 years of putting his little one’s wants and needs before his own, he knows what it’s like to make sacrifices. (I mean, any man can be like that even without children obviously, but I’m just pointing out what having a child helped him become.)

    -He’s in it for the long run. After an awful divorce and raising a child, he’s been through hell and back and is not going to let it happen again. I know that he’s adamant about making our relationship last. I feel appreciated.

    He has custody half the time. It can get rocky with the bio-mom sometimes, but that’s OK because we’re a team now and I stick by his side. I’m so relieved to have found a man as intelligent, attractive, hard-working, and patient as he is. Sometimes I look back and shudder that I almost missed out on him because learning he had a kid was kinda scary.

    I urge any bees who have written these men off to keep their hearts open. My boyfriend told me once “For the first time, probably ever, I feel like being a dad and being in a relationship are not two completely separate things!” There are soooo many amazing single dads and they are just waiting for a chance to share their life with someone and find love again.

    Whew, I feel better, I just had to share my positive experience with everyone!

     

    Post # 75
    Member
    783 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I didn’t vote becuase my answer is “it depends”

    I love kids and would love to have one that I didn’t have to birth, but can call my own 🙂

    That said, the issues with my partner forever being tied to another woman because they share a child…that can be a deal breaker. Particularly if their relationship is unhealthy, she’s crazy, overbearing, in his business, and/or there’s problems with custody. 

    Post # 76
    Member
    2444 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge

    I have kids of my own so it didn’t bother me that Fiance had a daughter.  Honestly I never see the ex-wife which suits me just fine.  My Fiance does see my ex often though because he comes to our house to pick up our son.  My twins’ father has nothing to do with them so I never see him.  Which is fine by me, he’s a low life.

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