- 8 years ago
A while ago SO and I talked about getting engaged very soon, around our anniversary. I believe this is a decision that should be made as a couple, since it involves a major decision in both our lives. He told me that he will do that by our anniversary, so I made that my ‘deadline’. He knows this. He has told me numerous times that he will do it by the deadline and to leave him alone, but tensions were running high this past weekend and the fight started from something else and it always leads back to the engagement elephant in the room.
Last weekend we visited my parents, and they hinted that he did not talk to them about us getting engaged, which was something he said he was going to do before purchasing a ring, and something they know is coming soon (from listening to us talk). I have been upset about this for a week, and finally this weekend I let him know. He got REALLY MAD and said that he’s sick of everyone expecting him to propose, and that he is no longer going to do it and that I can forget about it.
So of course I cried and told him I was moving out, all that girl drama which I am now embarassed of, and a while later he came up and said, I was going to drive out to your parents house without you the end of January and talk to them, but now that I told you my plan is ruined and I don’t know what to do so I”m not going to do it. Then he said, since everyone expects me to propose by our anniversary, why don’t I just give you a $6500 check and you go buy it yourself? THEN a few minutes later he came up to me and asked if I could have my parents visit us next weekend and he will take my dad out and talk to him while I entertain my mother so she doesn’t find out.
OK WTF. One second he says he DOES NOT want to propose and I should FORGET ABOUT IT, the next second he is spitting out dollar amounts for a ring (did he already buy it and that’s how much it is? is that what he budgeted? He is a very money specific person so this was something strange for him to say), and then the next second he is telling me to have my parents come to visit so he can talk to them. WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM. ARE YOU GOING TO DO IT OR NOT.
After a while and after he saw how upset I was, he came up to me and told me again to have my parents visit, and that when he says he is going to do something, whether it is proposing or having new windows in the house, etc. I need to believe he will do it because he will not lead me on and his word is his word. I still feel really bad about our fight and I apologized, but I now no longer know if I can believe him or not, even though he told me to.
Things like this damage our relationship. He thinks all I want is a ring, which is not the truth. We already live together, so I don’t think a surprise, big deal proposal is important. I don’t want that. I wanted to make it easy for him, I never told him a specific size diamond, amount of money to spend or brand of ring to buy. I just want something that shows that we want to spend our lives together. How much money he spends and how he gives it to me is not a big deal to me. I just do not want to be a forever live in girlfriend, and sometimes he needs a kick in the pants, which is why we agreed on a deadline. All I know now is that I am dissapointed and hurt and I want to believe he still is going to do it by then but something in me really now does not believe him.