(Closed) Believe or not believe?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
3587 posts
Sugar bee

Aww! I’m so sorry. I hate fights like that.  I hope he still does it for you on that day. This kind of stuff sucks.

Post # 4
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Based on this and the other post you have up right now I’m really confused what you’re looking for. I wish you luck, but it sounds like you are now pressuring him into proposing when two days ago you came online and asked if you should leave him.

Post # 5
2025 posts
Buzzing bee

Ugh, and guys think WE WOMEN are the wishy washy ones!

I think probably the hardest part is the pressure that is put on guys to propose and the expectations that are set by hollywood movies on how to do it. In my experience, guys like to feel like it was their idea. Prime example? I really wanted to get another dog because unfortunately his childhood dog, who moved in with us when we moved out, got sick with lymphoma within a month of living with us. Unfortunately we don’t have a doggy door and would not be home to let him outside to go the bathroom, which he would need to do more frequently with the steroids he was on, so he spent his last month back at SO’s mom’s house. Well, a week after his dog was officially put to sleep, guess who wants to get another dog? SO.

I know you have a deadline, and it’s hard because women know things WAY before men do, but try and keep hush about it. It sounds like somehow the engagement is coming out as an excuse to all your fights, which let’s be real here – is NOT really the issue, but just another straw on top of the real issue – and it’s become a blanket fix all. Try and relax, drop the subject, and when little fights come up, think “if I were married, how would I handle this?” Chances are, you’d handle the situation differently, and that’s probably the better way to handle it.

Good luck. I hope it helps. Keep your chin up 🙂

Post # 6
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I just saw that other post too.  I think the two of you might have some relationship kinks to work out before you get engaged and I’m fairly concerned that you might think an engagement is going to cure all of your problems.  It’s not.  In fact, it might just magnify those problems.  I’d concentrate in getting his cousin out of the house and mending your relationship before freaking out about your engagement not coming quick enough.

Post # 7
75 posts
Worker bee

@SimplyOrganic: It’s simple….stop pressuring him. He can’t take it. The more you speak of it the longer he’ll wait. Annoying as hell,but true! Trust me I went and still am going through it. It’s torture I know! Get quiet,very very quiet,wait and see as hard as it is. If you get the urge to freak out come talk to the bees instead =)

Post # 8
3305 posts
Sugar bee

@sleepingbeauty88: Very good advice- OP good luck and I definitely agree with just dropping it for now. Work on some other areas of the relationship before thinking on the engagement end of it.

Post # 9
1730 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

It sounds from your other posts like there is a lot of stress in your household right now, and not just from a possible broken engagement promise.  While I understand wanting your Boyfriend or Best Friend to carry through with an engagement would make you personally feel better, I think he might need to be more considerate of you in other ways before it would mean what you want… especially in reards to the all night shouting/gaming and disregard for your times for sleep.

I agree with the PPs who say to back off a bit about whether ou get engaged on your anniversary.  In fact, in my heart I’d tell myself it’s not going to happen and try really hard not to hope for it or allow my expectations to get raised.  It sounds nuts and mean, but I think it’s more pragmatic to have low expectations and then be pleasantly surprised than to hope for the most wonderful thing only to be disappointed. 

It sounds like your SO is feeling a lot of pressure, and he sounds like he can’t make up his mind if this is something he wants, if he wants to only do it if you’re not expecting it (silly guys, we’re always hoping, even when we try not to), and he balks at doing it when you make it clear its something you want – suddenly it’s not his own idea, just yours.  It’s like this – when you plan on soing osmething for soneone as a nie gesture, a surprise or whatever – you feel good about it.  BUT if they ask before you get to do it, don’t you sometimes feel cheated of the ability to do it for them on your own instead of now feeling obligated to do it?

Post # 10
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

@Isilme: You hit the nail on the head!  

I experienced this just the other day; my SO was trying to tell me he was late for work and couldn’t clean up, but ended up saying “could you clean up for me?”  I was already planning on it and got mad at him for asking me to clean up because I wanted to surprise him when he got home.  Something that was tiny and stupid actually turned into a mini-argument!  So imagine what would’ve happened had this been about something more serious than cleaning up after breakfast.

Post # 11
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think you may be putting to much pressure on him and it’s driving him a little nuts. My advice would be to back off a bit. Give him some space. 

It seems to me that he does intend to propose. I understand how frustrating it is, but he probably wants to do this the “proper” way and make it a surprise.

Post # 12
1730 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@LaurenK0105:  It seems my Boyfriend or Best Friend is willing to do things, until he’s asked… then he becomes balky and doesn’t want to do it anymore.  I know I’m the same way about some things, too, so I guess I shouldn’t be too cranky about it. 

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