Believing his actions or words?

posted 3 months ago in Rings
Post # 2
Member
641 posts
Busy bee

Your friend sounds delusional and desperate. Obviously if he loved her AND wanted to marry her, no amount of debt would stop him. It’s a ridiculous excuse that she’s buying into. If you want to go with her to the appointment for fun, sure. But I’d definitely sit her down and tell her he ain’t proposing any time soon. He’s not in it like she is. She’s trying WAY too hard and is stripping herself of any dignity.

Post # 3
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Wow -she CLEARLY cannot read the flashing sign in front of her that says he has no intention of marrying her..so sad.  This sounds just like my EX and how he is treating his new girlfriend ..and how he handles $$.

I personally would not go to the appointment – it is disrespectful to the jeweler.  JMHO though.  Also – I would TRY to gently talk to her but understand you need to be aware that this talk could bruise or even damage your friendship.  Good luck Bee

Post # 4
Member
490 posts
Helper bee

I’m not sure why she’d even WANT to marry someone like that.  

Post # 5
Member
5132 posts
Bee Keeper

WOW… where to start with all of that?

1. there is no engagement-how can you go look at rings for a fictitious event?

2. don’t feed the bear, excuse yourself out of the situation and let her be mad at you for it-you don’t have to entertain anyone because you didn’t buy a ticket to that circus. 

3. she is trying to force a round peg into a square hole, and it’s going to go horridly wrong for her.  

Post # 6
Member
1616 posts
Bumble bee

I can’t get past “$500 in cheese.” HOW!? 

Post # 7
Member
3574 posts
Sugar bee

Agreed with pp – delusional and desperate sounds about right. She has no business wasting a jewellers time when there is 0% chance she is going to buy this ring. Definitely cancel the appointment, and I would also sit her down and tell her that she deserves better. 

That said, this guy can spend his money however he wants. 

Post # 8
Member
291 posts
Helper bee

This guy needs some backbone and boundaries. I don’t think he’s intentionally leading your friend on but he needs to put his foot down and say no.

However, your friend sounds like a lunatic. They’ve only been dating for 6 months and he just got out of a 16-year marriage. She needs to slow her roll. She is putting a TON of pressure on this guy to marry her RIGHT NOW, which isn’t fair and doesn’t sound like she really cares about him, given the context. I would tell her she’s moving too fast.

Post # 9
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I’m not sure why she’s asked you to be her maid of honor when they’re not engaged. I would like to figure out how much it would cost to redo the ring. She needs to know how much that’ll cost. He obviously doesn’t want to get married

Post # 10
Member
632 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

…What did I just read? Honestly, your “friend” sounds like the crazy one here. Why is she rushing to marry a man she just met, who is recently divorced and in a mountain of debt?

To answer your question, actions speak louder than words. 

Post # 11
Member
8109 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

mishybear :  

This is one heck of a dumpster fire.

For my own sanity, I would peace out as gracefully as possible.

Post # 12
Member
2056 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think he’s necessarily spending like that in order to avoid lowering his debt and thus “having” to propose.

I think he’s in major debt BECAUSE he spends that way – he sounds like a shopaholic. And I’m not being snarky – it sounds like he truly has a problem.

All that to say… this man is free to spend his money however he sees fit.

And your friend is free to leave and find a man who wants to propose, since she clearly wants to get married. 

But her poring over all HIS bills and receipts like this to try to guage how much money he has is insane (and controlling) behavior. She is clearly desperate and has zero self-respect.

I honestly don’t understand why you’d choose to have any involvement in this dumpster fire of a situation.

You agreed to be her bridesmaid, and he hasn’t even proposed?

Post # 14
Hostess
11605 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

mrsptobe2017 :  right? The $500 on cheese is the only thing that made sense. 

OP, 

I wouldn’t be a party to enabling my friend’s delusions(not saying you’re doing that, but she doesn’t need any help enabling her to fool herself).  Support her by gently asking the questions she is not. 

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