I have so many questions.
- Does your friend have a history of “falling in love” super fast?
- How old are they?
- Is dude aware that your friend sends you pictures of his private financial statements!?
- This convention where they first met, was it “Great Canadian Cheese Festival”?!
- Did you get to eat any of the $500 cheese? Would you recommend this cheddar?
- Is your friend and this dude actually engaged? Or does your friend wish to be engaged?
- Is his divorce from Wife #1 even finalized? Is he legally able to remarry at this point?
Also I’m confused on this point. First you said dude wasn’t over his ex wife, and then you when your friend brings up marriage, dude seems “not as eager” about marrying her. When he says “I’d marry you tomorrow, alas I have so much debt, let me buy this vintage cheese, NOM NOM ALL THE NOMS.” So in the 6 months since she moved in, has he gotten over his ex wife?
Also the part about his refusal to look at rings – when he said they “don’t have any money to get married“, did he mean he’d truly love to marry your friend but he can’t afford a nice ring, so he wants to wait?
Or did he mean he’d truly love to marry your friend, but can’t afford to host the wedding he thinks she deserves? And still wants to wait? And then your friend went and bought him a wedding band??
Or did he mean “this is all moving way too fast but I’m afraid of having adult conversations so I’m not going to admit that I don’t want to marry you”?
Is your friend under the assumption that if she buys herself this ring, her boyfriend will agree to marry her? Does she think they are engaged now?
This is moving 90 kilometers too fast, and your friend sounds like she needs a reality check.
Hell, go to see the jeweller with her. Maybe this will open her eyes that if she wants an expensive ring, she/they will have to prioritize saving money for it.
I agree with you, jewellers realize not every appointment ends in a sale. She is not wasting the jeweller’s time by going. Maybe she will see something she really loves and this will spur her/them into saving.
If your friend brings up his bank statements again and wants to speculate how much he owes, I would firmly encourage her to have that discussion with her boyfriend, and continue refusing to view any pictures of bank statements she sends your way. That is such a huge invasion of privacy!!
If she continues to cry to you about his lack of money for a ring or a wedding, if you want to be a good friend, maybe try something like this:
“Elizabeth, if he says he can’t afford to buy a ring or have a wedding, then you should think about what he prioritizes spending money on. The sausages last month were delicious! I think that Jon is not prioritizing his money on the same things you want him to, like marriage/wedding. It sounds like you guys aren’t on the same page, or the same novel, for what you want. You need to talk this out with him.”
And then drop it. She’s an adult, she’s going to do what she wants and make the mistakes she plans to make. You can’t talk her out of this foolishnesh.