Post # 46
jscjsc : No problem!! I honestly used to think the same way, I never thought I would get married. It didn’t seem important to me and I didn’t believe it changed the relationship so why? I also don’t need people to know that I’m married, if people don’t take my relationship seriously why does that really matter to me? I’m not going to just allow someone to hit on me because I have a boyfriend and not a husband type of thing. But since finding my SO I’ve had a change of heart and want to marry him but I don’t know how to explain why, I think part of the reason was because I grew up with a great example of how loving and happy and commited a marriage can be. My parents were together for 26 years before my dad passed away and my parents loved each other so much. The problem isn’t that he doesn’t want to get married he just doesn’t “get it” and marriage as an act gives him anxiety. For him it comes from growing up around a terrible examply of marriage, him and his sisters had an actual celebration when their parents announced they were seperating. I also think his dad bashed marriage quite a bit. So he didn’t develope the desire I did for marriage but he isn’t against it.
Post # 47
A marriage is taken more seriously than a relationship of 5 years because those in the relationship have the OPTION to get married. For any multitude of reasons, they may not yet have availed themselves of that option, but they do have it as an option. From the outside, the general public has no idea how long you have been with someone or why you have not yet been married to that person; generally, they only have the limited information of whether you are married or not.
So, as others have said, marriage = serious; unmarried = no one is sure. Justified or not, this is really the only lens society has through which to view a relationship unless people know you personally. As has been said a million times, it doesn’t take a ring or a party or money or fancy clothes or a college degree or owning a home in order to be married. All it takes is a committment and a trip to the courthouse. That may not be what many people WANT, but that’s about all there is to making one’s relationship “valid” in the eyes of society. So one reason why a person isn’t married is as good as the next for most people, but not married means not serious to many.
Post # 48
Benefits have been more emotional than practical for me so far. Marriage = creating your own little nuclear family that comes first, and being married gives me sense of security and belonging in this crazy world. I feel like a have a true sense of ‘home’ having a husband, and being a wife – coming from a broken family myself. I also love the responsibility and commitment of being married.
edit to add- I was also happy my parents divorced and was against marriage for many years. I can’t say what changed my mind. I think it was the realisation over time that he was the one I wanted to spend my life with, and a sense of longing for a family of my own.
Post # 49
Something similar happened to me. My SO didn’t really see the point of marriage, we have been together for over 6 years and not much would really change for us. He isnt religious (neither am I) but he associates marriage as being religious. We’ve been talking about marriage more in the last year and he knows its something that is very important to me. For me, marriage is important if we have children (about the only point of marriage he agrees with me on), it is important to me to legally have rights if one of us end up in the hospital/make medical decisions, and also it is important due to the emotional aspect of it. I want to be his wife and take his last name, to me, being married feels as if you are more of a family.
You just have to be honest with him and let him know where you stand. For me, I thought it over and let him know that while marriage is important to me, being with him is more important. Our relationship is great, and if he were totally against it, I would be okay with not getting married. He agreed on the getting married for having children aspect, and that he knows that I would be happier if we were married, so we have decided that we will get married. Engaged sometime this year and probably get married sometime next year. Don’t try to change him or pressure him, just let him come around to it on his own time.
Post # 50
I agree on the first part. But what legal benefits to marriage?
Also tax wise it doesn’t make sense to be married. Well at least for us. sharpshooter :
Post # 51
Marriage is not a benefit for many tax wise. It would hurt us by about 10k a year. But we both work. The marriage penalty is very much a real thing.
Also you don’t have to be married to claim someone as your dependent. ispeakingifs :
Post # 52
penny1403 : next of kin, social security, no estate or gift tax….all benefits of being married.
However, it does seem that health insurance and businesses might be moving away from spouse only benefits. Which is nice. I would be able to get on SO’s health insurance even now.
Some people do get benefits to filing jointly, but in your situation it doesn’t work out for you.
Post # 53
It depends where you live. In Canada, common-in-laws have similar legal rights to married couples. For example, they can file for taxes together, they can get spousal and child support after separating, they go through very similar court proceedigs when splitting up, they can sponsor their partners to obatain permanent residency, they can adopt children, and they can inherit properties. So, marraige is pointless unless you are hiding your relationship and want to declare it, you want your future children to obtain dual citizenship or you want to have job opportunities in other countries where marriage of your partner is a requirement for living together or sponsoring a partner.
Post # 54
I know a couple who were content being Domestic Partners but recently decided to get married after experiencing some health scares. This didn’t have as much to do with visitation/power of attorney as it did with what would happen finnancially if one of them died. In Massachusetts the main difference in benefits has mostly to do with taxes, since partnership might be recognized by the state (depending on your state!) but is not federally recognized (so no Social Security, no inheritance without taxation). Morbid, but worthy of consideration!
Post # 55
- Wedding: June 2007 - City, State
lauraspencer : it was the start of our family. Our family, not just two people dating, but the beginning of our lives together under one name. We now have almost 4 kids…4th one is baking ccurently… but we are The ______ Family. All of us, same name, this little life we created together. There’s financial and legal benefits, sure. But honestly, at the end of the day, hes my ride or die and I’m his. He is my person. Its him and our kids, and then everyone else. I guess I am traditional in this sense although I am very progressive in most areas. When we got married nothing changed except legally. It was like “oh yeah we did a thing”. We got married at a courthouse for 10 bucks. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. We were in love and still very much are. He is my one person I unequivocally trust with my best interests in the event that something happens to me. And at this point in our marriage, there’s a sense of pride and ownership in the relationship that goes without being expressed because there’s a very deep mutual respect for one another. It’s hard to explain. When I say “my husband” it has a very intense meaning that goes far beyond a ring on a finger or a marriage certificate.
I don’t trust guys who are willing to bind themselves to you in every single way, house, baby, etc., but not marry you. Procreating is a way bigger deal than getting married. A baby is for life and you can’t annul a human being. It’s very bizarre to me.
Post # 56
Where we live, there really isn’t going to be much difference in terms of our rights after we tie the knot. We already own a house together and have lived together for a few years, so we are pretty firmly bound together legally and financially anyways. If we wanted to, we could make one another our official NOK for health and emergency issues, but we are both really close with each others’ families so neither of us have any concerns about things like being left out of decisions or being unable to visit, etc. Plus, we are considered by law to be in an ‘adult interdependent relationship’ so it wouldn’t take much pushing or anything if anything did come up.
However, for me I think that simply being able to say we are married and that he is my husband just makes everything simpler. It’s a shorthand way of denoting our relationship publicly. If one of us ends up in a car accident, the other doesn’t need to explain anything at the hospital – it’s simply “I’m his wife” or “I’m her husband”. And no more “grey area” about what our relationship is. Like, when I fill out forms and stuff I always have to make a contextual decision about what to list as my marital status. Like, we are listed as each others’ spouses on our workplace health benefits and life insurance, etc., but on an intake form at a new Dr’s, do I say married or single?