(Closed) Bes who DID NOT change their names – WHY?

posted 5 years ago in Traditions
Post # 61
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I actually don’t want to change my last name, but he finds it extremely upsetting and offensive that I wouldn’t want his. I don’t like my own last name as I am not close to my dad at all; I’d rather we both changed our last names to something new.

I hate the connotations it has with signifying that the woman now belongs to her husband (among other things)

Post # 62
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee

I’m not married yet, but i will not be changing my name because:

– it is sexist, why should the woman have to change her name?

– i will have had my name for 31 years when i marry, its my identity

– my qualifications are in this name

– i don’t belong to him and i am my own person

 

Post # 63
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I’m also struggling with this decision because my fiance has told me before it would hurt his feelings if I didn’t take his last name and because it’s tradition. But in my eyes, it’s 2016 and I love my name. My last name has always been a part of my identity and how people refer to me. I truly feel like I’d be losing a part of me if I had to give up my last name. I still haven’t brought it up to my fiance in awhile about my decision because I’m afraid of how the conversation will go. My friends think I’m crazy that I don’t want to change my last name, but maybe it’s just the feminist in me. I’ve really worked hard in my career and I don’t really want to have to re-establish myself with a new name. HELP! I don’t know what to do…

Post # 64
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

View original reply
RosaBride :   I am lazy. Going through all the trouble to change my name isn’t worth it. I also think it is weird how I don’t recognize old friends who recently got married because of the new name. You defiantly do loose old contacts and I’m not ready to loose mine.

Post # 65
Member
386 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Rydges Hotel

I will not be changing my name because all my qualifications and all the legal papers are under my name and I don’t want to go through the paper works to change names

Post # 66
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I wont change it because we dont do this in our country . Only in north america that i hear about this . 

Post # 67
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

View original reply
kellynash13 :  I’m in the same boat. I really like my last name, it is very uncommon, and people always think it’s a “cool” last name. His last name is also a really nice name, BUT it doesn’t sound great with MY first name… it just doesn’t flow… I don’t know what to do either. I suggested hyphenation and he doesn’t really like that either. He is a super traditional old soul, so I don’t really blame him.

Post # 68
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

View original reply
RosaBride :  I kept mine for the same reasons you did. I don’t see why I should have to change the name I’ve had for over 30 years when there is no expectation for my husband to change his! I have had a fair few comments about it but I’m not troubled. 🙂

Post # 69
Member
3934 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
kellynash13 :  my DH was like yours and was initially really upset that I didn’t want to change my name. He gave me a hundred arguments about why I should change it (my favorite was: “but it will be awkward when they announce us at our wedding if you don’t change it!” Lol!). I always gently reminded him that it was my name, my decision. It also helped when I said things like, “It won’t make us any less married, I promise”, and when I asked him how he would feel if someone pressured him to take his name.

It took several discussions but he eventually realized that it wasn’t even an option (my name, belongs to me, has nothing to do with him). Years later and he can’t believe he made such a big deal about it. He said it has in no way affected anything about our marriage and really is a non-issue.

Be strong with your Fiance and don’t give in! I think you need to take the “it’s my choice, not negotiable” stance. Then he can start the stage of “acceptance” and move on.

Also, it might help if you remind him that you can decide to change your name at any point (like maybe if you decide to when you have kids). It’s not a “now or never” thing.

Post # 70
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
junoesque :  My Fiance is a traditionalist too, so I get it and I see his point but like @hollyberry4 said, we should be strong and hold our ground, if we feel that passionate about it. I just hope he doesn’t break off the engagement laughing let me know how things go for you!! 

Post # 71
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
hollyberry4 :  You’re right. I can just position it that maybe I’ll change it down the road when we have kids (which I still doubt I’ll do) but at least that would solve the problem for now. I agree that I should just stand my ground on this issue though because I do feel very strong about it. Thanks for the advice! 

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