(Closed) Beside myself

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

personally, I don’t see anything wrong with a SMALL birthday cake and a few minutes of singing happy birthday to your Future Mother-In-Law. I understand that it’s your day and stuff, but even a short acknowledgement? Really isn’t worth “war” though.

Post # 5
Member
46613 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you are within your rights to ask that this day belong to you and your Fiance.

If they have family who are travelling to your wedding, the FIL’s could host a brunch for their family the next day and surprise Future Mother-In-Law with a cake. Obviouslly it would not be a problem for local relatives to attend any day.

Post # 6
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@CinderellaSoon:  I totally understand. although like I said, I personally wouldn’t mind a small cake and singing for a few minutes, you are perfectly right in refusing the celebration because it IS your day 🙂

Post # 8
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@CinderellaSoon:  Hell no. No wedding/birthday celebration. That is absurd. If she wants to have a get together the next day because more people will be around, thats fine. You shouldn’t have to share your day with anyone. Besides that, your parents are hosting the party and your Fiance parents shouldn’t be demanding anything. Rude.

Post # 10
Member
2447 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Uninvite her and proceed with the wedding. Less headache for everyone involved. She sounds like an awful person.

Post # 11
Member
7679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Have you done a counter-suggestion that they celebrate her birthday the next day? (Whether it’s brunch like @julies1949:  suggested, or something else).

By The Way, is this a major birthday like 50 or 60? If so, it probably wasn’t the best choice of a wedding date (FI’s fault there, not yours), and I think a round of happy birthday might be appropriate. If not, Future Mother-In-Law is being silly and I totally agree with you that it’s your day.

Post # 13
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

Since your parents are paying for everything, I think it’s pretty inappropriate for them to ask to share the party. Also, why would you want to bring another cake to a wedding? So no one will eat it? Can you maybe make peace by offering a compromise like having the DJ announce the birthday/have everyone sing? You could even, if you want to be generous, put a damn candle on her slice of wedding cake just to make her happy. That way it takes only a little time out, doesn’t turn the wedding into a wedding/birthday celebration, and would keep both parties happy (hopefully).

I know how you feel, though. My parents paid for my sister’s wedding & really didn’t want a money dance/boot/anything. They thought it was tacky (it’s not a thing where I come from; I’d never heard of it until reading here) & since a registration card had been sent out with the invites & people were bringing gifts, my parents thought it would be too much. So, when my sister’s Father-In-Law made an announcement asking for donations to the honeymoon fund & passed around a boot, my mother was IRATE. I still hear about it years later…

Post # 15
Member
4415 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@CinderellaSoon:  WHATTT?!? It never ceases to amaze me what people think they can get away with. Did she really think no one would ferret out the truth?

Post # 16
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Sorry you’re having to deal with this. This woman seems a little off her rocker. Why do weddings seem to bring out the crazy in people?

I could see doing a small recognition of a birthday if A. the birthday was the actual day of the wedding (which its not) or B. if family was spread out and this would be their only chance to get together (again sounds like its not the case).

Tell her you’re glad to celebrate her birthday *on her actual birthday* but that there will be no secondary celebration at your wedding.

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