(Closed) Beside myself

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I just had to chime in.


Last year, my now fiance (then boyfriend)’s brother got married.  He was married on a Saturday, and it was lovely.


His grandmother (who is very well loved) had her 90th birthday coming up I think a week or two later.  Now, this is a milestone birthday, and everyone was in town… so what do you think happened?


Nope-  not a bday/wedding celebration, the grandmothers daughter (fiance’s mother) had everyone over for a birthday celebration for the grandmother THE DAY AFTER THE WEDDING. 


TOTALLY appropriate.  Why anyone would think to handle this any other way is batshiznat crazy to me! 


You are totally justified in your anger and frustration and it’s amazing your fiance is the sweet giving man that he is considering the info on his family.  Yikes!  (but good for him!)

Post # 33
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

That’s crazy! To go around telling everyone she’s paying. What a slap in the face for your family! That actually sounds like some my Future Mother-In-Law would do, although she isn’t even invited to the wedding.

Hope it all works out for you and your FI!

Post # 34
195 posts
Blushing bee

This is woman turning 10!!?? Her birthday isn’t even the same day as your wedding, what ridiculous behaviour.  It sounds like she may possibly be purposely trying to take attention away from you.. just a thought. 

All I can say is stick to your guns, don’t let them make you feel bad, and good luck with dealing with that crazy woman!!

Post # 36
826 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Unbelievable- and the worst part is you will be connected to these irrational people for life. Ugh. At least is sounds like your Fiance is supportive and doesn’t give into their demands.

Post # 37
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@CinderellaSoon:  I think you are in the right.  Sorry, but come on!  A birthday cake as well as a wedding cake?  Who does that?  I think yes, guests could wish a happy birthday to whomever, but to have a whole damn separate cake and all that hubbub is just ridiculous.  Guests would probably think, “WTF is going on here, now we have to eat 2 slices of cake?” 

It honestly sounds to me like they are jealous and bitter that you and fiance will be the center of attention and that you will be “taking” him away from his family.  He isn’t going to help them financially anymore, so of course they are blaming you and taking their anger and jealousy out on you.  If his parents don’t want to attend, then fine.  Let them cut off their nose to spite their face.  Do not negotiate with them.  Do not compromise.  They are being gigantic jerks, and you should call them on their bluff. 

Post # 38
169 posts
Blushing bee

@CinderellaSoon:  That’s a big “no”. I could see that maybe during a toast or a speech, your Fiance would stand and say something like, “And I’d just like to honor my mother, who is having her birthday in a few days. You mean so much to me, Mom, Happy Birthday!” But no extra cake, no calling it a “birthday/wedding”. That’s craziness!

By the way, at the time of my sister’s wedding, my grandparents were celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. They DID want to take advantage of the fact that all the extended family would be in town for my sister’s wedding, so they hosted a large dinner party the evening after the wedding. My sister didn’t mind at all – they weren’t trying to “steal her day” – they were just extending the party onto the next day. So, if Future Mother-In-Law wants to have a big party for herself, she can plan it and host it herself on one of the days before or after your wedding!

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