(Closed) Best friend admitted he loves me…help please

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
841 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@redpanda29:  I would cut off contact with him, and maybe limit time with his Girlfriend too. It is disrespectful toward both you and your Boyfriend or Best Friend that he said this to you – he should’ve kept his thoughts to himself. You were his friend first so I wouldn’t feel obligated to tell his Girlfriend but if you do, be warned that it could end both friendships with him and her.

Post # 4
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Oh yuck, I don’t envy you that!!!! I have no idea what I would do. 🙁

Post # 5
2942 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I had not one, but three guy friends tell me they liked me as more than a friend at different points.  None of them pushed the issue as they all respect my Fiance, but it is definatly awkward to have it out in the open. 

In my case, none of them were with any one at the time when they made the confession, and none of them pushed the issue.  It was a casual conversation and more of “If you weren’t dating Fiance, I would totally make a pass at dating you.” 

In your case, first, you are under no obligation to tell his Girlfriend.  I also probably would not tell his Girlfriend.  I don’t get from your post you know what their current relationship is like.  Maybe they are in a rough patch, and he is romantising his friendship with you.  This happens to both guys and girls.  If that is the case, either they will break up, or they will smooth out the rough patch and he will get over it.  Telling his Girlfriend will not help in either case.

As far as you personally, I would basically tell him that you are not interested, and that this needs to stop.  He is putting what ever is left of your friendship in jeapordy. 

Post # 6
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@redpanda29:  No, I wouldn’t tell her. It sounds like he would break up with her if you wanted to be with him. He hasn’t/isn’t cheating on her, and he might love and be happy with her if it wasn’t for this fixation on you. You should tell him you don’t reciprocate and quit talking to him, since you also have a boyfriend.

Post # 7
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@redpanda29:  Cut him off hun.  If you want to stay with you Boyfriend or Best Friend its better that way.  Also, dont say anything to the girl.

Post # 8
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@redpanda29:  I wouldn’t tell the girlfriend.  


However I would tell the guy that you are uncomfortable with his declarations of love, as you have a boyfriend. Tell him that you only think of him as a friend and want it to remain that way.   If he keeps pressing you and texting you, then you need to cut it off.  Its hard, but part of being a friend is maintaining certain boundaries, and if he keeps texting you lovey crap, then he is crossing those.    

Post # 9
522 posts
Busy bee

@redpanda29:  Honestly I wouldn’t tell her. She may believe you or she may think you are trying to mess up her relationship. As for him he’s being very disrespectful of your relationship.

One of my closest male friends finally admitted after months of very odd behavior that he was in love with me. He knows I’m in a serious relationship and only confessed after I point blank cornered him and demanded to know why he was being so weird.

It’s one thing to just inform someone that you are in love with them but the fact that he keeps pestering to know if you’d date him etc is completely selfish.

You are in a relationship, you need to set up boundaries with this guy immediately. I would honestly remove him from your life at least for a set period to allow him to get over you.

Post # 10
1128 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@redpanda29:  Hey! Welcome!


I don’t think I would tell her… YET.


I’d, first of all, tell my Boyfriend or Best Friend what’s happening. Then I would have a serious talk with this guy you say is your best friend. Tell him you don’t want to hurt him but you don’t feel the same way about him, and that you think you should spend sometime appart.


Also tell him to focus on his Girlfriend and that she doesn’t deserve for him to go behind her back like this. If she loves her, he should go and try to make things right with her, if he doesn’t love her, then he should rethink what he is doing dating her and discuss those things with her, so they are both on the same page.


Tell him that you don’t feel it is fair for anyone (both of you nor your respective partners) to remain friends until all this feelings get fixed.


Then be very strict with cutting out all contact, because it can be hard and heartbreaking.


Good luck!


EDIT: I said YET because if the guy gets really annoying and pushing after you talk to him to cut him off, I would tell the girl.


Post # 12
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Cut him off.  He told you he loved you – the friendship is forever changed.


Anything less than cutting him off is just you keeping him around for kicks.  Cut him off. 


Post # 13
1128 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@redpanda29:  if he feels this way about the girl, he should break up with her even if you don’t love him back. That’s not fair for the girl.

Post # 14
503 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Yikes…that’s a messy situation. I’ve had a couple of instances with single guy friends being extremely interested in me before or while I’ve dated my SO. One of them is one of my best friends since middle school, and he actually took a couple of classes with SO while they were at the same college. Small world, huh? We’re still close friends, SO knows full well about him, and there’s zero awkwardness. More recently, though, I just had a major come-to-Jesus conversation with a close guy friend who still likes me even though he accepts and respects my relationship with SO. The conversations finally got too personal for what I considered appropriate for me and my relationship, so we mutually agreed to cut off contact for a while. I immediately told SO everything, and he trusts me completely and was very grateful I told him.

Biggest advice I can give based on my experiences is this: Keep ALL lines of communication open. Be open and honest with your SO so he has no reason to doubt the relationship. That speaks highly of your character and fidelity. Also, definitely cut off communication with this friend for a while. I would hate to see a broken friendship, but if you’re serious about marrying your SO, then protect that relationship (and your own heart!) at all costs. Hopefully some time away will also help your friend deal with his feelings and whether or not he stays with his Girlfriend.

Best of luck to you, OP! It sounds like have a wonderful SO and a very healthy relationship, so I’m sure everything will work out.

Post # 15
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@redpanda29:  I think your best option here is to let him know that you’re happily in a relationship and you don’t see that changing. Maybe when he let’s go of “what if” he can move on.

People wonder about things in their life. This man is obviously wondering if he missed a connection. He’s wondering if maybe he took the wrong path, maybe you love him and you’re supposed to be together.

You don’t love him and won’t be together so just end his “what if” game so he doesn’t have to wonder. 

Then let him sort out his own relationship based on what he discovers about himself when he realizes that you weren’t “the one that got away” you were just a friend and he has other options. 

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