(Closed) Best friend and bridesmaid..really letting me down..advice please =(

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Are my hurt feelings justified?
    No..get over yourself..she was having a big day too : (7 votes)
    16 %
    Yes...she shouldn't have committed if she could not follow through : (37 votes)
    84 %
    other.explain below : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    410 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I have had to check myself, and remind myslef a few times over the past year that my wedding is not going to be as important to anyone else as much as it is to me. Even my best friends, who I know love me and are beyond excited for me.

    That being said…. Your friend was way out of line and incredibly rude. I am honestly surprised you did not tell her off.

    Yes she has a business she is trying to open, but she comitted to your shower and then chose to change the bar opening to that date. If she could not pick another date then she should have explained to you and your mother that she had to bow out of her shower responsibilities. Unfortunate, but not unforgivable.

    The fact that she had you at the bar moving furniture and buying your own refreshments before your surprise shower? I have no words. Unbelievable. That goes beyond self centered and straight to narcissism.

    Post # 4
    2542 posts
    Sugar bee

    Normally I think brides seem to expect more than they should from their bridesmaids and forget that they have lives. BUT in this case, I think your friend was waaaaaaaayyy out of line. She should not have committed to all that stuff for your shower if she knew she wouldn’t be able to partipcate or provide the items she said she would. Not cool of her at all.

    Post # 6
    660 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    You poor thing. What your “best friend” did has NO excuse. Although it’s true that other people have things going on in their own lives & that YOUR wedding may not always be THEIR top priority, in this situation it is inexcusable. She should NOT have volunteered to help with preparations, she should NOT have asked you to come help her with her bar on a special day when you were the guest of honor & not only make you late, but sweaty & upset. It sounds like your Mom and other BM’s went through a lot of trouble & I can totally understand why they would be upset. You deserved way better and if nothing else she owes you $ for the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress and a big apology.

    Post # 8
    635 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    It sounds like she was trying to do everything all at once to make everyone happy, but it backfired. I’m sure she didn’t WANT to have her opening the same day as your shower, but was probably losing money each day she wasn’t opened. She was wrong to have you helping the day of your shower – I wonder if she forgot or had the wrong time. I know I’m scatterbrained when stressed.

    So she was wrong. You are right to be disappointed. But unless you think she did this on purpose or with bad intentions, then I think you have to chalk it up to life is sometimes shitty.

    Post # 9
    3148 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Seriously, I am sending you a huge HUG.  I couldn’t believe what I had read, you should have never been treated like that.  I really cannot imagine it at all.  I understand brides expect a lot, but what she did needs to be aired between both of you. Do you think you’re going to say something?

    Post # 10
    660 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Wow! I am shocked anyone would tell you that you should “get over yourself, she had a big day too”. If she forgot, got dates mixed up, is a flake or whatever, she should have called another Bridesmaid or Best Man or friend to take her to the party and also let someone else know they needed to get ice/drinks or whatever. What she did is unacceptable, saying it was OK, in my opinion is being a little ridiculous. I have been in situations where I am over committed but I make it work. I run a business with my husband and if I were co-hosting an event I wouldn’t schedule something business related that day and then ask the guest of honor to come help me. That is completely idiotic.

     @Irishb“It is really easy to become wrapped up in yourself sometimes I guess” -IMHO you have every right to be upset and don’t let your poll results make you feel you are over reacting. Your friend should have handled the situation very differently. Of course how you handle your friend is your business and I’m not about to tell you what to do or say, but you are entitled to being upset & hurt by her actions.


    Post # 13
    90 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Wow that is ridiculously selfish and rude….the question is do you still want her to be a bridesmaid? If she had the nerve to do that during your shower, what will she do on your wedding day? I am a very forgiving person but that is over the line, and if I was in your situation, I would probably be considering if I wanted her to still be a bridesmaid. I hope she comes around and realizes what she did and apologizes. However your actions by still showing up to her bar show that you are one true friend she is lucky to have! Too bad she can’t step up and be the same :/

    Post # 14
    104 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I would be extremely pissed if this happened to me. For her to have you get all sweaty right before your shower is like she wanted you to look as bad as her at your shower. She sounds like an inconsiderate slob. Haha I just think you are very sweet for still showing up to her bar to congratulate her after what she did. Do you think you will be able to hold your tounge? I couldn’t!!

    Post # 15
    7387 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I’m in total agreement with @Ms. Peach: & @blingybride:. As an adult she should have managed her time better and worked closely with you other BMs on this situation. She dropped the ball. You have every right to be upset.

    Post # 16
    2053 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    It’s one thing to be in over one’s head with life obligations and responsibilities. In such a case, one would be expected to confront the situation, admit fault, and ask for help. It’s another thing altogether when, instead, that person imposes on their friend and tricks them into manual labor for which they weren’t prepared, and errands they should have run themselves. Shame on your friend for her dismissive and manipulative behavior. Certainly she had a lot on her plate, but so did you. The difference here is that you were sincere in your efforts while she was not. I’m sorry this happened to you. 

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