- 2 years ago
I’m sure I’m being overly sensitive about this, but any advice is appreciated.
Last year, my best friend and her husband decided to have a baby. It took them three months to concieve. During these three months, she called me constantly crying about other people getting pregnant before her and that she wasn’t a mother yet. I totally understand her being frustrated, knowing she wanted a baby, and not getting pregnant until her third time around trying. Nonetheless, she made rules that me and two of our other mutual friends were not allowed to talk about babies, talk about friends who were pregnant, etc. when we were together, or through any communication. We couldn’t even look in the direction of a mother with a baby when together without her crying.
Now, she has a beautiful, two-month old boy and I am SO happy for her.
Nonetheless, I am starting to get frustrated. Darling Husband and I started TTC right before she announced her pregnancy and have had nothing but trouble. I’ve posted a few times before about this but we had a miscarriage, chemical pregnancy, and have not been able to get pregnant since. We started IUI this month due to my extremely low progesterone and his extremely high amount of abnormal sperm. (Which I am very excited about starting IUI… and hoping this may be our answer… otherwise on to IVF!)
Anyway, despite all of her rules, and my constant support during her three months of trying to concieve, she doesn’t seem to have the same respect for me DESPITE knowing how much of an emotional drain this has been on Darling Husband and me. I’ve called her crying and while she’s been supportive as well, I can’t help but notice that her only conversations consist of babies, how wonderful it is to be a mother, how happy she is about all of our other friend’s pregnancies, etc.
DON’T GET ME WRONG! I am so happy for her! I love hearing about her baby boy and getting pictures.
The part that is bothering me is the constant reminders of how hard it’s been for Darling Husband and I to get pregnant. Again, I acknowledge that a lot of this is probably my problem… but there are constant texts about how “it’s so amazing to be a mother and you will never understand until you are one,” or “oh it’s so funny, I was trying to remember why I didn’t wear much of my winter clothes this year and then realized it was because I am pregnant!” Or, complaining about how it’s hard being a Stay-At-Home Mom but so fulfilling. Or how she remembers back to the hard part of her pregnancies and it is so worth it now! Or even the updates of her friends (not mutual friends) and how their pregnancies are going. So many times I’ve wanted to scream, “at least you could get pregnant!”
I never wanted to be one to implement rules about talking about babies and what not, but part of me wants to talk to her and ask her to just tone down the baby stuff. Not tone down updates about her son or anything, but just about babies in general. Like, I don’t need to hear about all her friends who are pregnant right now, I have enough friends of my own who are pregnant. Or even just to tell her I would love to have a conversation one of these days about something that ISN’T baby-related.
At the same time, I don’t want to stifle her happiness as I know how bad she wanted a baby! And I’m sure being a new mom is completely amazing and exciting for her and I don’t blame her for wanting to talk about it!
I guess I just don’t know what to do. Do I suck it up? Or do I approach her? And even if I say something, I have no idea how to balance the “hey, I love you and your new kid, but can we tone down some of these other baby-related conversations right now because it’s really bringing me down?”
Thanks, bees. I really hope I didn’t come off as a selfish B here. Just feeling down and out right now as I am getting a thread of texts from her about the most recent things that are happening in her new mommy Facebook group and really not knowing how to or wanting to respond… 🙁