(Closed) Best friend backed out as bridesmaid

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Sorry this is happening to you.

I have been through this exact same thing. Best friend backed out on me through text. I was really upset and angry for a while. My best advice is take a while and cool down. Sit on it for a few days before you give any sort of response. Then you can talk to her more rationally about it and discuss budget and options that maybe would work for her to still be in your wedding. Jsut explain to her that it would really mean a lot for her to be there for you on your big day and maybe you can work something out.

Side note: Has she asked you to be in her wedding party? Maybe she feels guilty or awkward because she’s not having you in her party. Just a thought.

Post # 4
Member
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Double Post

Post # 6
Member
3969 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

That’s a good thought. If I were her, I would feel bad if I wasn’t asking you to be in the party, while you were asking me. If it comes down to money and you truly want her to be there, maybe you can suggest that you will cover her dress or something similar (whatever’s in your means.)

Post # 7
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2012 - Patrick C. Haley Mansion, Joliet, IL

She didn’t discuss it with you, she simply said she was out. I have two friends who said after the fact that they couldn’t be bridesmaids because of the cost. They both said so through text, but that wasn’t weird since we primarily communicate through text during the day.

I responded to one with a reply that we’d figure it out (my Fiance and another bridesmaid ended up slitting her costs). For the other, I simply responded “okay”. She’s the more selfish one and I didn’t even want the drama. Two of the other bridesmaids ended up buying her dress, but I would have totally been fine with her not being in the wedding.

The point is, my girls made it a conversation, they didn’t just drop it on me and then not respond. Also, my bridesmaids really stepped up to help.

I don’t know the best solution to your problem, but if you’re feeling not even surprised by her f-ed up behavior and you don’t feel the need to beg her to be in your wedding, don’t.

Post # 8
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

@nellie_pie: In 5 years time, who are you going to be wanting to stare at in your wedding photos? I know for certain if it was my best friend it would be her that I would want standing by my side.  (My Boyfriend or Best Friend who is also selfish and crappy at communicating – however after 12 years of friendship she hasnt changed and I dont expect her too just because im getting married)

If its her face you want on your wall next to you and your hubby then call her.  Call her and tell her she will be in your wedding and you will do anything to make it happen. After all – thats what friends do

Post # 9
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you’re being quite harsh to her.  I did pretty much all communication with my BMs though e-mail and don’t really see it being bad.  I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that it was not an excuse but honesty that she needs to save money.  Being in a wedding can be really expensive.  Better she drop out than being closer to the wedding and not done anything because she couldn’t pay for it like I see far too often on these boards.  It may also be a time commitment.  If you are planning your own wedding you dont necessarily have time to help someone else plan theirs.  I’d talk to her and tell her your feelings.

Post # 10
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

it’s a rough situation – and of course dissappointing.  you know her best, but maybe she was embarrassed?  maybe she felt really bad and didn’t know how to face telling you so she sent an email?  sometimes understanding the reason a person did something matters way more than what they actually did.  maybe she is just totally lame and selfish … but there could be a reason that she sent an email other than just plain rudeness.  

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