(Closed) "Best Friend" Bride to Be Emotionally Torturing Me?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

My MoH has a habit of doing something similar. Every time she gets a new man in her life, she would drop her friends and that man became the center of her world. When things went tits up, she would run back to her friends and moan about how sorry she was that she let him alienate her from her friends. The truth is, she only really wants friends around when she doesn’t have a man. And she is the one who alienates herself from everyone. It’s pretty sad, but that’s just the way things go.

I say you tell her that since her future husband doesn’t approve of you being involved in the wedding, you don’t feel comfortable helping with planning. If she still sticks around, great. But I doubt she’ll talk to you again.

Post # 18
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would definitely NOT help her out. She dropped you from Maid/Matron of Honor, so how dare she try to make you act like one now! She didn’t even invite you to her engagement party ffs, she has a nerve asking you to help her out now. Can’t she ask one of the people she invited to that party?

She treats you like this because she thinks you will just allow her to. I think it’s time to stand up to her a bit. Not even in a confrontational way, you don’t have to get in an argument with her, put just say no and that you’re busy. Hopefully she’ll get the hint.

Post # 19
Member
824 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

First of all, I do not think she was wrong for saying that you would not be the Maid/Matron of Honor. And that saved you a lot of work. Also, isn’t an engagement party just for the 2 families? And isn’t it thrown by the groom’s parents? If you do not want to help then politely say that you are too busy, but I do not think that it is out of line for a bride to ask others for help. JMO

Post # 20
Member
824 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Btw, since you told her that you were hurt not being Maid/Matron of Honor, maybe she is trying to be nice and include you and make you feel important. I mean, if you wanted to be Maid/Matron of Honor, isn ‘t that bc you supposedly care about her, are happy for her and actually want to help? So is it just not having the title and recognition then?

Post # 21
Member
787 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If it’s a friendship you really want to save, I would talk to her about it. Apologize for having burst her bubble and ask out-right if that’s why she ask you to step down. Tell her you’re uncomfortable helping out given how the last couple months have played out.

If you’re not as interested in keeping the friendship, just ignore all this. Tell her you’re thrilled to attend as a guest but you’re to busy to help out right now.

Post # 24
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Umbrelline:  I would be honest with her and say, “Congratulations on your impending wedding. I greatly appreciate that you would intrust me with the planning of your wedding but regrettably will not be able to commit due to my personal schedule. I look forward to see you in your beautiful gown as you walk down the aisle.”

Post # 25
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee

She doesn’t sound like a great friend. I can’t believe she didnt invite you to the engagement party. I would NOT contribute in any way to her wedding. Definitely be polite about it when you respond, but I wouldn’t put out the effort on someone who clearly isn’t a good friend.

Post # 28
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I would say, no, thats what you have your Maid/Matron of Honor for. Good luck to you and your future husband.

And i wouldn’t even go to the wedding if invited. Just cut her out of your life completly and be done with it.

Post # 29
Member
2092 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I don’t think you were out of line with what you told your friend about needing to step back from wedding planning, you were being and honest and caring friend.

I was in a similar situation to yours, you can personal message me if you would like to know more details about what happened and how it was handled. But needless to say, you do not need to feel obligated to help her in anyway and you also do not owe her an explanation. Just tell her you do not think it would be appropriate given the circumstances and you wish her the best of luck in life. After that, I would really try to separate yourself from her and focus on your own life and not let her bother you. It sounds like you were a better friend to her than she was to you and she’s so blinded by the fantasy of a wedding, she’s lost touch with reality. Take space from her until she comes back to earth, [or permanently] and focus on the positive things in your life. 

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