Post # 1
So, there is a bit of history to this. My best friend from University was originally one of my BMs, but backed out after she got engaged, as her and her Fiance wanted to get married 2 weeks before me. This was really difficult to swallow, but I got over it and was really excited for her. Now, I just got an email from her saying that he was abusive and she had left the relationship and was cancelling the wedding. She stated that she wanted to let me know that she would not be attending any of my wedding events (stag and doe in 2 weeks), shower in August or the actual wedding becuase it would be too hard for her. She also stated that she did not want to get together with me “for a while” because she didnt want to see me and see where I am and how happy I am, when she should be there too. I don’t know how to respond to her, what to say or anything. When I heard that they had broken off the engagement I sent her a bouquet of flowers with a card saying I was here for her…. I kinda get where she is coming from, but don’t want to lose a friendship over something that a best friend should help out in, just because I am getting married…. help! how do I respond? or do I let it be and hope she comes around?
Post # 3
I think you did a good thing, by sending her flowers and saying you are here for her.
She will come around. (AWWWW)
Post # 4
Agreed – you sent her flowers and she knows you are there if she needs you. That is all you can really do at this point. Right now, I think she just needs time to adjust and come to terms with everything that has happened. Give her space and I think she will come to you when she is ready.
If you do want to respond to her e-mail, say something simple that says you are there if she needs you for anything and that you wish she could be there with you on your wedding, but you understand that she needs some time for herself. Wish her the best. That is probably all she needs from you at this point. I don’t think you will lose her over this, though it may take some time before things go back to “normal” between you two.
Post # 5
You did the right thing on sending the flowers and note, it was really sweet. I would just send her emails and text messages every so often just to keep in touch. She will come around, and I even bet she will be at your wedding and ready to be happy for you.
Post # 6
I’m sorry. I can really feel for her. And I applaud her for just basically saying she needs some space, rather than pretending she’s fine with everything, but cting really pissy in front of everyone. It’s hard when you’re grieving a break up. You feel like you should be happy for people who are happy. But I think it’s OK to have a little pity party.
She’ll come around eventually.
Post # 7
That’s really sad. You are an awesome friend by sending the flowers and the note.
I can understand where she is coming from, but at the same time a good friend would be there for you too. My six year relationship ended 2 days before my best friend got engaged and I was devestated, but I still went out to celebrate with her the night after her engagement. Everyone is different though.
I guess I would just respond by saying that you are here for her but that you hope the two of you can still be friends and that she will contact you when she is ready.
Post # 8
I’m sorry but I disagree with some of the posters. I understand it’s difficult but if it were my best friend, I’d have to suck it up. I may not do EVERYTHING (like the parties) but I’d atleast attend the wedding and maybe leave the reception early. I think the original poster is very very nice, hopefully she’ll come around.
Post # 9
If you feel like it, you may want to reply “I’ll be here when you are ready to reconnect.” or sometihing along that line. I’d leave it up to her to make the connection. Maybe a New Year’s card when the time comes would be a good intro to get back in touch. She must trust you to understand if she sent the email. Some people would just hide.
Post # 10
Yea, I think you’ve done everything right, but I think she is acting a bit ridiculous. You are best friends and this is a very important life event. I can understand not attending additional events, but not going to your wedding?
Post # 11
It was very nice of you to lay low and just send her flowers and a note. She will come around eventually, I’m sure it’s tough for her, but it is upsetting I imagine to not have your best friend at your wedding! I hope she’ll come around, it’s a long way to October! (well, not too long, I’m an October bride, too 🙂 )
Post # 12
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I can understand that it would be hard for her to be at your wedding events when her relationship has failed… but your wedding is about you, not about her, and if she’s your friend, she should be there to support you, at least on your wedding day. I think she’s being rather selfish. You can make additional gestures (reaching out and letting her know you’re there for her and whatnot), but I think she’s trying to tell you something by backing out of your wedding party because of her own wedding, and now out of even being a guest because her wedding was called off–and what she’s telling you is that she’s not that good of a friend.
Post # 13
Although she is going through a very difficult time, I realy don’t think it is right for her to tell you she won’t be attending any of your events. A true friend would want to see their friends happy, I would think. I hope that doesn’t sound harsh, but I would be really upset if a friend said that to me.
Sending her flowers was a very nice idea.
Post # 14
I think you’ve done the right thing so far and I would just give her the space she needs right now. I find it strange that she is RSVPing no to your wedding which is still 6 months away – I know she probably feels like she will never be happy again and never be able to go to a wedding again and never fall in love again (because that’s what a break up is like), but for her to assume she will still be feeling that way in 6 months time is really sad 🙁 I do hope she comes around and is able to celebrate with you at the later events (I do understand the stag and doe thing though as that is coming up pretty soon). Friends need to be able to put their own issues aside and be there for each other when it really matters, even if it’s hard.
Post # 15
I actually see this a little bit of a different way. First, you did a wonderful thing by being so nice and not taking it personally. I think that it can definitely appear that she is being selfish, but I think its possible that its the complete opposite. If she knows herself and knows that if she were to attend any of these events, she would end up a complete wreck in tears for herself and her broken engagement, it would take away from your day, and knowing that she is the type to do that, told you ahead of time that while she would love to be there, she just can’t do it.
I have no idea if she is like that, but if she is, I think she is doing the right thing. As close of friends as you two are, a true friend wouldn’t want to ruin your day. Is this immature? Definitely. I also think its not the nicest thing in the world that she planned her wedding for 2 weeks before yours AFTER you were already engaged and had a wedding date, but I digress.
Post # 16
Just give her some time. Thank god she got out of the bad relationship!