(Closed) "Best Friend" can't afford to come to my wedding (vent)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@mgol25:  Maybe she is going to Montreal for a family function, or perhaps her partner is paying for the trip. You don’t know all the details, so you can’t judge. Maybe when she initially agreed to come to your wedding, she said it because she felt obligated and now that the time has come, she doesn’t have the money (or want to spend the money on a wedding). It’s an individual preference how we spend our money, so as much as it sucks, if she doesn’t want to go then there’s not much you can do :- We can’t control who accepts and declines, we just have to accept their decision.

Post # 4
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Is it possible that she was expecting to be asked to be a bridesmaid and is upset that you didn’t ask her?

Post # 5
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

Sorry your feelings are hurt, but what she does with her money is her business and it’s not your place to question it. She told you in plenty of time that she wasn’t going to be able to attend.

Post # 7
Member
8823 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@mgol25:  maybe she was already planning on going to montreal for something and can’t afford both.

 

Post # 8
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Maybe it was a choice between your wedding or Montreal and she couldn’t afford both. Honestly you can’t expect her to choose your wedding over a vacation if thats how she wants to spend her money/vacation time. I have a close friend coming to my wedding from California and honestly if she told me she couldn’t afford it but then went on a trip I wouldn’t be that upset. If I chose a trip over flying across the country for one day then I really hope someone would understand as well. As bad as it sounds, your wedding is not nearly as important to other people as it is to you. It doesn’t mean she isn’t happy for you or likes you any less, but people have their own lives to live :-/

Post # 9
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@mgol25:  Maybe the Formula One race is her priroity then. She gets to choose how she spends her money. I agree that it would be shitty to have a friend choose that over your wedding, but I would just focus on your bridesmaids and close friends who WILL be there 🙂

Post # 10
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@mgol25:  I understand what everyone is saying about her reasoning but at the same time if I had decided I would rather go to Montreal, as your friend I would have made the decision to at least try to cover it up better. She’s gotta understand that it hurts you in some way. Espeically since she didn’t just come out and say

I’ve had this trip planned forever

or

This has been one of my life goals

I understand totally how you would be hurt. I think she’s just being inconsiderate. Hopefully you will be able to talk to her about this after the wedding when you are not as stressed by this situation. Good luck to you!

Post # 12
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Maybe she got a better deal on the Montreal trip? It surprises me how airfare can change depending on where you are going to end up… even if it is close to the other destination. Or maybe someone else paid for it, or is helping with the costs? The only way I think you’ll get over it though, is to ask her about her Montreal trip. “So I see you are going to Montreal, that should be fun.” She’ll probably tell you details about it, that might fill in some of the gaps for you.

I know you two have kept in contact for so long, and it really sucks that she can’t make it to your big day. However, I think some of the other posters are right, it is ultimately your decision. On the big day, I doubt you’ll hardly notice.

Post # 13
Member
247 posts
Helper bee

@adoc86:  THIS

 

I have a friend who is coming here two weeks after my wedding. She’s going to a concert and meeting up with some extended family that happens to be flying in around that time. FH (who will be Darling Husband at that time) and I are going out for dinner with her and her Fiance to celebrate our wedding when she is here. 

Would you be interested in making plans like that? 

Post # 14
Hostess
16195 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I don’t blame you at all for being hurt, but I also agree that unfortunately, there’s not much you can do here. I received a few disappointing “no” replies before my wedding, and I just tried to focus on who WAS going to be there, versus dwelling on who wasn’t. I know it’s easier said than done, but please don’t let this ruin anything for you!

Post # 15
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

That’s too bad and my feelings would be hurt too.  But I think if she is your best friend, you should have made room for her in your bridal party.

Post # 16
Member
9668 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@mgol25:  You keep saying she is your best friend, that you are hurt she isn’t spending HER money on going to YOUR wedding, and is instead going to Montreal for a holiday. If she is your best friend why wasn’t she in the bridal party? 

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