Post # 1
My best friend from elementary school moved across the country in middle school. We kept in touch all throughout middle school and high school, with each of us making a trip to see the other. We lost touch when we both went to university, but reconnected on Facebook a few years ago, and caught up quickly.
I got engaged in August 2011, and she was one of the first people I contacted after the fact. She was really happy for me, and said she’d “definitely” be at the wedding. She still has extended family here, so I thought she would use my wedding as a great opportunity to see her family, as well.
I sent Save The Dates in September 2012, and she send me a long email saying she couldn’t afford to come to my wedding. I really wanted her to come, and said she could stay at my parents house and have all of her transportation to and from the wedding taken care of. I also said she could spend the morning with my bridesmaids and I getting ready for the day. She still said she couldn’t come. I was sad, but understood. Airfare is expensive, not to mention using vacation time to come across the country.
We’ve exchanged a few emails back and forth since then, and she always asks about the wedding. She seemed excited for me and always asked for details.
Fast forward to yesterday: I logged on Facebook and saw that she booked a trip for the week AFTER my wedding to Montreal (which is about four hours from where I’m from). WTF? My feelings are really, really hurt. Not sure why she can afford to go to Montreal, but not to my wedding. I get that people don’t necessarily want to travel just for a wedding, but if the tables were turned, I would be there for her in a heartbeat. I’m sad. 🙁
Post # 3
@mgol25: Maybe she is going to Montreal for a family function, or perhaps her partner is paying for the trip. You don’t know all the details, so you can’t judge. Maybe when she initially agreed to come to your wedding, she said it because she felt obligated and now that the time has come, she doesn’t have the money (or want to spend the money on a wedding). It’s an individual preference how we spend our money, so as much as it sucks, if she doesn’t want to go then there’s not much you can do :- We can’t control who accepts and declines, we just have to accept their decision.
Post # 4
Is it possible that she was expecting to be asked to be a bridesmaid and is upset that you didn’t ask her?
Post # 5
Sorry your feelings are hurt, but what she does with her money is her business and it’s not your place to question it. She told you in plenty of time that she wasn’t going to be able to attend.
Post # 6
@BoxerLady: She’s going to see a Formula 1 race – she planned it on Tuesday (according to her Facebook, anyway)
@Corgi-cariad: I told her my sister and two cousins were bridesmaids from the get-go because we were all bridesmaids in each other’s weddings. She could be upset about that.
Post # 7
@mgol25: maybe she was already planning on going to montreal for something and can’t afford both.
Post # 8
Maybe it was a choice between your wedding or Montreal and she couldn’t afford both. Honestly you can’t expect her to choose your wedding over a vacation if thats how she wants to spend her money/vacation time. I have a close friend coming to my wedding from California and honestly if she told me she couldn’t afford it but then went on a trip I wouldn’t be that upset. If I chose a trip over flying across the country for one day then I really hope someone would understand as well. As bad as it sounds, your wedding is not nearly as important to other people as it is to you. It doesn’t mean she isn’t happy for you or likes you any less, but people have their own lives to live :-/
Post # 9
@mgol25: Maybe the Formula One race is her priroity then. She gets to choose how she spends her money. I agree that it would be shitty to have a friend choose that over your wedding, but I would just focus on your bridesmaids and close friends who WILL be there 🙂
Post # 10
@mgol25: I understand what everyone is saying about her reasoning but at the same time if I had decided I would rather go to Montreal, as your friend I would have made the decision to at least try to cover it up better. She’s gotta understand that it hurts you in some way. Espeically since she didn’t just come out and say
I’ve had this trip planned forever
This has been one of my life goals
I understand totally how you would be hurt. I think she’s just being inconsiderate. Hopefully you will be able to talk to her about this after the wedding when you are not as stressed by this situation. Good luck to you!
Post # 11
@DarthBetty: Thanks! That’s exactly where I’m coming from. I’m not trying to sound like my wedding is the be-all end-all event of the century, but I at least expected my best friend to come, or at least explain her reasoning to me. If she chose Montreal over me, good for her! It would have been nice if she had told me before I found out about it on her wall.
Maybe I need to quit Facebook?? 🙂
Post # 12
Maybe she got a better deal on the Montreal trip? It surprises me how airfare can change depending on where you are going to end up… even if it is close to the other destination. Or maybe someone else paid for it, or is helping with the costs? The only way I think you’ll get over it though, is to ask her about her Montreal trip. “So I see you are going to Montreal, that should be fun.” She’ll probably tell you details about it, that might fill in some of the gaps for you.
I know you two have kept in contact for so long, and it really sucks that she can’t make it to your big day. However, I think some of the other posters are right, it is ultimately your decision. On the big day, I doubt you’ll hardly notice.
Post # 13
I have a friend who is coming here two weeks after my wedding. She’s going to a concert and meeting up with some extended family that happens to be flying in around that time. FH (who will be Darling Husband at that time) and I are going out for dinner with her and her Fiance to celebrate our wedding when she is here.
Would you be interested in making plans like that?
Post # 14
I don’t blame you at all for being hurt, but I also agree that unfortunately, there’s not much you can do here. I received a few disappointing “no” replies before my wedding, and I just tried to focus on who WAS going to be there, versus dwelling on who wasn’t. I know it’s easier said than done, but please don’t let this ruin anything for you!
Post # 15
That’s too bad and my feelings would be hurt too. But I think if she is your best friend, you should have made room for her in your bridal party.
Post # 16
@mgol25: You keep saying she is your best friend, that you are hurt she isn’t spending HER money on going to YOUR wedding, and is instead going to Montreal for a holiday. If she is your best friend why wasn’t she in the bridal party?