(Closed) Best Friend Chooses to not Make MOH

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Bee
6473 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011 - Sydney, Australia

It’s hard when it’s someone else’s decision to make – but co MOH’s couldn’t hurt anyone?

Post # 5
Bee
6473 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011 - Sydney, Australia

@July2012Lady: You’re welcome – I hope you can maybe bring the idea up so that nobody gets left out! *hugs*

Post # 6
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

This is exactly why I didn’t have a Maid/Matron of Honor. I am blessed to have three best friends and there is no way I could choose any one over another. Sure it was difficult when it came to the shower/who hold the bouquet/etc. But I’d rather deal with that than hurt anyone or have to choose.

Post # 7
Member
4675 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I am in a similar sittuation…  I have a younger sis and a friend I have know since the fifth grade.  I was Maid/Matron of Honor in my friend’s wedding, but she was not particulary close with her sister.   I’m not really worried about the ‘tradition’ of the Maid/Matron of Honor duties…  to be honest I realy don’t care.  My aunt who is my god mother and has no daugthers has already volunteered to though an bridal shower, and as for the bachalorette party all I really care about is a night out with the girls.  

I am considering one of two things, making them co’s or making my sister Maid/Matron of Honor and letting my friend know that I would have made her Maid/Matron of Honor if I wasn’t close to my sis, and that she is really very important to me.

I understand your friend’s feelings…  I can understand that it sucks not to be her Maid/Matron of Honor…   but I would still be as active in my friends wedding.   If the other girl lives soo far away then she wil need plenty of help planning the parties.  

Post # 8
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I honestly don’t understand why people get so hurt about this, but I am sorry you’re feeing hurt. It’s a title. For a day. And after that day, no one really talks about it or cares. Look at it this way, it’s less responsibility for you. But honestly, being given a title shouldn’t be what validates a friendship.

Post # 9
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

It can be tough, for sure. When my best friend named another friend of hers matron of honor (I was maid of honor) and had us work together, I was a little hurt at first until I realized that it was for the best – that person lived closer and was already married, thus knew what to do with planning where me as a college sophomore had no clue.

I’m having incredible difficulty choosing my own wedding party between perceived “obligation” people (such as my fiancé’s closest friend who I know he’d want in but I barely know well at all) and those who I’m not sure will be able to get along with one another. I have two people in mind for shared Maid/Matron of Honor duties, but I know choosing them will hurt one other girl who I’ve technically known longer.

It may be that while you talked about these things in childhood, adulthood has changed her feelings. She may feel closer with that girl than you, which definitely can hurt to realize, but if she wants you to be a part of her wedding and with her on that day… isn’t that what really matters? You’ll still be involved, you’ll still be there for her, and you can still make her your Maid/Matron of Honor. And honestly, if you’re getting married that same summer it might be easier not to be each other’s Maid/Matron of Honor just because that’s a ton of work on top of your own weddings. Yannow?

Post # 10
Member
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I understand why you’re hurt. My best friend got married in September and did choose me as Maid/Matron of Honor, but I know she was debating between her other childhood best friend and myself. I can’t lie, I would’ve been really hurt if she hadn’t chosen me. The title is very validating, especially when you’ve been close with someone for so long, so I totally understand that you are sad. 

Maybe she thinks that since you’re planning your own wedding, you will be happy to not have as many responsbilities? 

This is why I’m so happy I have one sister. No one can be hurt that I’ve picked my flesh and blood as my Maid/Matron of Honor, right? πŸ˜› 

Post # 11
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I completely understand why you’re hurt and upset. When my Maid/Matron of Honor got engaged we were on a rough patch of our relationship, and their engagement is actually what got us talking again. About a month later she asked me to be a part of her day. It was myself, her college roommate and her younger sister. Her college roommate was super busy with softball, sorority events and church activities, and I ended up doing the bulk of planning and organizing with her. I didnt mind at all. She and I have been best friends since 10th grade, its what I always pictured. What I didn’t picture was picking up a wedding program a couple days before the wedding, only to see the other ‘maid listed as Maid/Matron of Honor, not me. We had never addressed titles during planning, but it just always seemed implied. I was the one who did all the leg work, picked out the bridesmaid dresses etc. My feelings were beyond hurt, but I sucked it up and tried to let it go. The hardest part was on the actual wedding, seeing and hearing all the guests give the other girl all this credit for being Maid/Matron of Honor and listening to her give a speech, acting like she had done all of these things and put all this effort in.. when in reality, we had to BEG her to even stay the night with us the night before the wedding and help us finish last minute things. It was hard. My MOH/best friend has since apologized to me, and has admitted her mistake, and it’s long since been water under the bridge. We’ve been thru so much since that day in ’08, it seems silly to even have ever let it affect me that way {her husband committed suicide in june of ’08, she moved out of state and started dating a total asshole, moved back home, dated ANOTHER asshole and is now with someone who treats her the way she should be treated, and we’re planning another wedding, with me as the Maid/Matron of Honor πŸ™‚ }

I agree with Jags though.. try to bring up the idea of Co-MOH’s. If she’s truly your best friend, she’ll take it into consideration. Lots of people do it to be honest. Good luck! πŸ™‚

Post # 12
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I didnt read everyone elses comments, so I may be repeating this, but girl, you do NOT want the responsibility of being someones Maid/Matron of Honor when you have your own wedding that you’re planning a month before.. TRUST ME, I know.  It is such a big PAIN IN THE NECK… Your wedding is going to be ultra important, and you’re going to be SO stressed out, and then, in addition to your wedding, you have to plain HER parties?? I would just let her choose who she wants, and thank your lucky stars! HAHA!

I understand where you’re coming from, but honestly, it’s a blessing in disguise.

Post # 13
Member
962 posts
Busy bee

I get why you are hurt. I actually had a friend decline my request that she be a bmaid and it stung really bad (sort of the same situation in reverse). By reading your post it sounds like she just made this girl made of honor because she knew the other girl would pitch a fit whereas you would not

Post # 14
Member
1415 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Yeah, sometimes the squeaky wheel gets the grease…

Post # 15
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

You know, if you haven’t yet, I would recommend just telling this friend of yours how you feel. I definitely feel I get shoved aside by friends sometimes for things like that simply because they know that they can and I will put up with it. It sucks, and getting through the actual day will be full of moments which make you feel resentful and hurt. Be tactful but be straight with her.

Post # 16
Member
9667 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I don’t think you should ask her about co-MOHs, remember it is the bride’s decision. If she wants you as Maid/Matron of Honor she will pick you πŸ™‚

 

i do understand why you’re upset though, talking for years about being each other’s Maid/Matron of Honor and then facing the possibility that you won’t be is tough. But don’t let it ruin your friendship if she doesn’t choose you. Your friendship is the main thing

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