(Closed) Best friend didn't invite me to come meet new baby.

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Don’t show up unannounced – that’s just rude! Maybe they are spending time bonding with the baby and their immediate families. I’m sure you’ll hear from her soon.

Post # 32
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Magnolia House

lewie:  Don’t take it personal. If people are up there then I would assume they didn’t ask and just went. I think you should just go up there, of course you leave the hospital in a day or two so I don’t know how long ago this was.

Last month I had 2 friends that were pregnant at the same time and they had their babies a day apart (same hospital) when I went up there (uninvited) there was a bunch of people that had come to see both of them, noone was invited…Now I will say if they are home I would call first but at the hospital, I can say from experience both myself, my sister, and all my friends who have had babies, no one calls first, they stop by for a quick second and then leave….Me personally would have been upset if my best friend didn’t show up…shoot she got there in time to yell push! If she is really your bestfriend you should be more like sisters than friends and sisters don’t ask for an invite

Post # 33
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

leilarobs2:  Agree! People just showed up. A few asked or warned me ahead of time but I just figured if they wanted to come, they would. 

Op, I would bet anything that she just figured you would show up without having to be invited. 

Post # 34
Member
570 posts
Busy bee

lewie:  I don’t really have advice for you but I completely understand how you’re feeling.  When my brother called to say SIL had my niece, he said we don’t want any visitors until we are ready.  Tbh, I was kind of crushed but it was their baby so…what could I do?  They let my mom go though.  Then that evening, he called back and was like where are you?  Don’t you want to meet your niece?  Umm…yeah!   So I went.  They acted similarly when my nephew was born.

Then my Maid/Matron of Honor had her baby and after what my brother had said, there was no way I was inviting myself to the hospital.  I sent her a text saying congrats.  She didn’t invite me.  I didn’t ask.  For the next few weeks we’d text back and forth about how she couldn’t wait for me to meet her Dear Daughter and I’d say that I could wait to meet her.  I wasn’t inviting myself to their house and I didn’t want to ask a new mom to go out in public.  It was a few months before I met her Dear Daughter.

Then my cousin (I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man for her wedding, she was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my wedding) had her DS.  Her mom texted me that the hosptial wasn’t allowing visitors because of germs.  I completely understood, until the next day when I saw pics on FB of her other cousin in the hospital holding the baby.  🙁

I don’t know what is the right or wrong thing to do but I will never go to the hospital to meet a newborn uninvited.  It’s not like someone had surgery and you are going to cheer them up.  Because of what has been said to me, I will never assume new parents will want me there.

Post # 35
Member
515 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Yeah, I’d be a tad upset by this, too, but I’d assume that the other friend turned up without asking. 

As for your friend, I’d say she’s feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Also, have you heard of the “baby blues”? A few days after birth, you can get a huge rush of hormones that make you teary and very emotional. Your friend might just be struggling a little and can’t find the words to say that she’s not ready for visitors. I would send flowers or perhaps drop some meals off to her house just to let her know that you’re thinking of her.

Post # 36
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

My son is 9 weeks old and there are certain close friends of mine that still haven’t seen him yet. If they weren’t offering to bring a meal or help with the baby in the first few weeks, we did not let them come over. The last thing we wanted to do was entertain guests. Honestly, my husband and I are still pretty exhausted. I come home from work in the afternoon and it’s feed baby, walk baby, play with baby, give baby a bath and then bed time for all three of us.

Weekends are our days to relax and I just don’t feel like having guests 95% of the time. In the 8 weeks I was home with the baby we had very few people come and visit because being new parents takes a lot of adjusting. It’s also a very emotional/hormonal time. Please don’t be offended. I guarantee your friend and her husband are still getting acclimated to their new normal and aren’t thinking about who they haven’t seen yet.

Post # 37
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

If people ring or text her asking if they can pop round at x time, if she doesn’t have plans, it’s tricky to say no. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t wish people would stop coming round and leave her in peace to bond with her baby, nurse her stitches and cracked nipples, and basically adjust to being run over by the huge truck that is the post-natal period.

Good for you for giving her space, she will appreciate it. That’s a true friend, not someone who has to be the centre of the action. 

Post # 38
Member
1056 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I do not think she probably had time to text you to come. I think she maybe just assumed you would stop by since you guys are super close. I think it was a misunderstanding

Post # 39
Member
3729 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

lewie:  She said she wanted you there and told you she had the baby. I am assuming she thought you would just show up. I bet she didn;t think you were waiting for an invitation. Honestly, I would text her saying you would love to bring over some food and meet the baby and then ask when is a good time. I am sure it is nothing personal.

Post # 40
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Yeah I wouldn’t take it too personal. You don’t know if that other friend just showed up unannounced, or just TOLD her that she was showing up.

Maybe wait a day or so and suggest a time? Take the thinking out for her. Say something like “I hope you and baby are doing well, I have some free time on X day around X time. Is it okay to pop in and visit and meet the new one?” Something along those lines?

Or maybe wait til she gets back home and bring the family some food or something because they may not have time to cook for themselves?

Post # 41
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I wouldn’t take this personally. My friend just had a baby, and I waited until she was home for the hospital for a few days before I asked if I could come meet her baby. 

I showed up with a lasagna to put in her freezer, stayed for 30 minutes and left. She was exhausted (had slet 4 hours in a week), hungry, extremely sore, disoriented and kept forgetting to finish sentences.

Plus, she was anxious about every little thing her daughter did, because she’s a new mom and doesn’t know what’s normal yet.

 

Mayyybeeee just let this one go because your friend has literally had the biggest thing that will ever happen to her happen and she’s probably trying to deal with her own stuff right now.

She loves you but is not thinking clearly beyond her new bundle of joy and will likely be a bit ditzy for a while. Ask to go meet the baby and arrange a time.

Post # 42
Member
2109 posts
Buzzing bee

My BFF just had a baby too – I literally had to text her “I’m coming on this date at this time – is this ok?” because she was so flustered and exhausted.

 

Try not to take it personally xo

Post # 43
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I find it weird how many posters think showing up at the hospital, especially without asking first, is okay. I think it’s incredibly intrusive. She might now want visitors, other person might have showed anannounced. And, frankly, there is really NO NEED for a child to see so many adults before getting immunizations. You will play an important role in this baby’s life, but right now give her space to bond with her child and for a child to bon with his/her parents.

Also, while in the US being both spectator of labor and visiting in hospitals is fairly common, a lot of women blatantly don’t want it and feel it’s invasive, stressing etc. Not all post-partum woman wants visitors, even her best friend. 

 

Don’t take it personally. Send a friendly message, assure your friend that she’s in your thoughs and so is her baby, and that you’re ready to meet up whenever she feels ready with all the changes going in her life right now. 

Post # 44
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2016

As a mother of 4 everyone has always just shown up. Its never been no more than maybe 4 people each time during my entire stay. They will call or text and ask for my room number. Or they will call and tell me they know I’m sick of crappy hospital food and ask what I’d like for lunch, dinner, etc. You have to just show up and no its not weird everyone doesn’t require you to jump through hoops to support them. I’m 99% sure that’s what the one girl did to your friend. Don’t feel bad it’s just how it goes for some women. I enjoyed people dropping in. It’s pretty lonely and I appreciated the love and help. It showed me that they cared and wanted to see my new baby and make sure I was okay and being treated well. Also, if I can accept all of their gifts and money at my shower then why would I turn them away to meet my new baby?

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  TenderRoney16.
Post # 45
Member
5864 posts
Bee Keeper

“I know her pretty well and I know she hates when people are pushy or make plans for her”  See, this is it right here. You know her, you know she won’t want people being pushy & so you’re trying to be considerate. Unfortunately sometimes considerate people get sidelined by pushier people. It sucks but your friend will appreciate your consideration in the long run. As for the ‘first to see the baby!’ posters on FB, likely they showed up at the hospital &/or their home without asking. I know this happened to me when I had my babies & I would be sooooo exhausted that I just wanted to sleep whenever the baby napped, but if someone ‘popped by’ to see the baby, usually with a gift, I didn’t want to be rude and tell them it was a bad time (even if it was). If someone was considerate enough to understand how completely exhausted I was and waited several days then asked what was good for me, I would really appreciate it- and be capable of being better company. 

I wouldn’t read too much into seeing FB posts from her, it takes less than 5 minutes to update a status and might even be done middle of the night after feeding her newborn. 

 

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