Post # 1
My fiancee and I got engaged recently and decided that neither of us wanted a large bridal party. Mainly because there are some family rifts on my side that would make it difficult for me to include a family member with whom I am VERY close. So, I decided that my two sister would be my co-MOH’s, and my fiancee will have just his best friend.
My best friend called yesterday to catch up (we have known each other 10 years and are very close) and asked me if I had decided who would be in the bridal party. I told her my sisters and she told me that she was really disappointed she wouldn’t be standing up there. I felt like I had to explain myself to her… even though she knows ALL about the fighting going on in my family.
She then told me that she really wanted to be given an important role in the wedding, and that if I didn’t come up with one, that she would assign one herself. She was half-joking, but I thought this was really rude. There are a lot of people in my life who have asked to be a part of the wedding in some way, and every one else has at least asked “how can I help you make this day special?” rather than “I want a role.”
Historically, she has not been the most dependable person when it comes to planning things (like, in a REALLY bad way), which is another reason that I was kind of relieved about having only my sisters in the wedding.
I want to include in her in the wedding, but not in any way that I would have to worry about her not coming through. Ideas?
Post # 3
On David Tuttera they have a Lady in Waiting! She could do that. That way she still gets to be with you all day and help out. Plus if she doesnt show up its not the end of the world because you could do most of the stuff yourself.
Post # 4
Maybe you can invite her on some of your shopping trips and things like that, she can be included, but if she doesn’t make it you won’t be stuck….if she insists on being part of the wedding I guessa reading is always an option, or you can explain that you appreciate her offer to help bit there’s just not too much to do.
Post # 5
There’s a lot of things going on in this post for me.
The first thing is, I applaud your decision to ease stress for yourself and just have your sisters as your bridal party. I have a sister who is my best friend and I wholeheartedly understand.
The second thing is, I think it’s wonderful that you have such a supportive best friend that so actively wants to be a part of your wedding. Perhaps you didn’t like the way she communicated her desire to be involved, but personally, I don’t really see much of a problem with it. You can definitely assign her tasks that will become important – even behind the scenes – and she’ll have a role. It’s possible she used those words, and didn’t say “how can I make this day special,” because you guys are so close and so she felt that she could just say things more bluntly. Sometimes with familiarity comes less “social graces” and being “politically correct,” so to speak.
And for the last part about her not being dependable, that is often found in helpmates of the bride and I would say you either ask her to do something with someone else or you choose carefully what it is she does, and the timing of said thing. If you needed help putting stuff together, you could even ask her to assist you, so you know it’s getting done and she’s helping.
Post # 6
one of my closest friends had her sister in law stand in for her Maid/Matron of Honor.
I don’t care what role i had in her wedding. As long as she was happy, so was i.
This may not be about the wedding per se. She may just be hurt. Maybe she doesnt’ need a big place in the wedding. Maybe she needs to hear that she means a lot to you and the role of Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t necessarily a reflection of how you feel about her. Have you expressed that to her?
Post # 7
If you decide to include her, maybe she could perform a reading during the ceremony?