- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
Hi all newbie here, have been stalking the site for weeks and LOVE IT, now I need some advice so I thought I would consult the hive!
I was best friends with the same girl since we were five years old, we have been through so much together, each losing a parent, moving around a lot but always supporting each other. 2 years ago, we had an epic falling out, lots of things had been building to it, but we stopped speaking because she moved out of our flatshare without a word leaving a mountain of unpaid bills and even bailiffs to our door, much to the shock of me and the other housemates who became responsible for her mess. I was angry for a long time and could not even bear the thought of seeing her. But I realised that I had to make a choice between holding on to that anger and having her in my life, so I let it go, and I am not angry any more. So I reached out to her over email and we recently met up for dinner, had a wonderful time, and although it is early days, I feel positive about our relationship going forward, she seems to have grown up a lot, and genuinely sorry.
The problem is that, in this time, I have gotten engaged to my long term boyfriend, yay, and started planning my wedding. All my life I believed she would be my MoH, and now she is not in the bridal party at all. My close cousin is my MoH now, I was recently hers, and I love her dearly but now I am considering including my former best friend in the party (not as MoH). Now my fiance doesn’t like her because of what happened, and my MoH already didn’t like her because my best friend had never really made an effort to get to know her and felt she looked down on her because she’s not as ‘cool’ if you will- juvenile I know (I have a very diverse group of friends, and my former best friend only made an effort with a few, I never understood why but it was one of the reasons there was tension between us, as I accepted and had a great relationship with everyone important to her). I am worried that including her will upset my MoH, one because they do have a relationship and she feels angry on my behallf, but perhaps mroe significantly, because my ex BFF knows me and what I like better than anyone, even me sometimes. When we lived together, we would stiill go shopping separtely and come back with the same clothes. Also, my MoH is very different from me in her approach to things, she’s a lot more logical and singularly focussed, my former best friend ‘gets me,’ in that she’ll know how and what I’d like from her, whereas its already quite a bit of work to get my MoH do some certain things, not because she doesnt care or want to but because she’s just wired differently. I’m happy defining their roles clearly and my MoH is not overly sensitive, but if she were to join I’m scared my closeness with her will undermine my MoH’s role inadvertantly.
Anyway, the reason I’m thinking of including her is that I have had falling outs with several close friends, including my MoH, who I didnt speak to for a couple of years, but we’ve always worked it out and become stronger for it, my former best friend and I had never fallen out ever and in many ways there are friends that have meant less to me and have still worked hard to repair those friendships. I’m concerned now ,that we will rebuild our friendship and things will be great again, and I will always look back at my wedding day and regret not having her standing by my side. Should I exclude her, discounting all these years of friendship, for what could be a blip in our friendship or merely bad timing? If my fiance proposed tomorrow, would I have made the same decisions? Or should I leave things be and not risk upsetting anyone?
Confused! Would appreciate some advice!
Cheers in advance