- 8 years ago
My bf & I have been in a relationship; it will be 3 years this November. We’ve talked about getting married, I picked out a ring last year, and we joke daily about “are we married yet?” and sometimes we call each other husband and wife. Many of my friends have already been married & had kids. It’s really hard somedays to contain my patience.
Last night my best friend called to tell me that her bf proposed. They just had a baby a month ago, and I couldn’t be happier for her. This guy has changed her life for the better since he came along, and I’m so happy to see them bonding even more over their son. I told her how happy I was, but I could already feel the shell within me cracking even more.
I’ve been feeling stuck for a while now. We live with his mother, and even though she’s nice enough, not having our own place is starting to take its toll. We both live paycheck to paycheck, and he’s afraid of getting a place and getting behind on a mortgage or rent. (We both have debts to pay off) He went to school to become an EMT, and he got his certificate, but so far it’s just been hanging on the wall. I know it’s hard to get a job like that without experience, but I have to actively bug him about getting more training or taking more classes. He has another job offer from a friend currently, but it would be at a call center.
I just feel like we’ve been stuck on at a red light for months now, while everyone else is getting the little green arrow to turn into the next lane. I don’t mean to put so much pressure on him, but it’s frustrating to see everyone else struggle like us, yet have houses and children and whatnot. I had plans for my life, and I hate having to alter them or put them aside, or away completely.
I just don’t know what to do, Bees. I’ve been moody and crying more than usual, especially since I heard the news last night. I’m starting to resent my bf just a little bit, and I hate that. I just wish he would fight harder for us, and himself. He knows I’m upset and wants to talk, but I brush it off. I’ve said everything I need to, and nothing changes. When we’re been intimate the past couple of nights, I go through the motions, but my thoughts are somewhere else, and I hate myself for faking it. What should I do?