Post # 1
Member
44 posts
Newbee
I’ve been friends with my best friend for nearly 10 years. She was the one friend who was there for me during my lowest times this summer/last year. I started to take peoples advice and block myself from seeing anything to do with my ex and the new gf, i’m far from over it. But do not mention it to said friend now, cos i’m tired.
A month or so ago, she began cancelling plans we made. I got pretty annoyed and stopped responding to messages etc but she knew why cause I told her. She was letting me down. She messaged me saying she felt bad and planned to make things up to me… said plans never happened. Shes been out of touch pretty much since, only responding when I take initiative.
I sent her a message before the weekend telling her I was due to have surgery the day after. She responded saying Good Luck and that alot had been happening in work. It was pretty brief and I felt hurt and didn’t reply. Surgery happened and days later, she hasn’t been in touch to see how I am. 🙁 Yet I see her liking things on facebook.
Would this hurt anyone else? She does have a difficult relationship and stays out most weekends but that hasn’t stopped her checking in before. Particually after surgery.
Post # 2
Member
6296 posts
Bee Keeper
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
Hope you’re doing well after surgery. I would probably be a bit hurt, but would also cut my friend some slack. It seems she has a lot on her plate with work and a difficult relationship.
Post # 3
Member
475 posts
Helper bee
Usually I let people go when the friendship becomes a hassle/one-sided. That’s just me, though and I admittedly have a low bullshit threshold. (And I know a lot of people don’t agree but having to continually chase after someone to make plans or just to talk without any kind of reciprocation on their part is bullshit.)
Do you, live your best life and don’t stress yourself out reaching out to people who can’t be bothered to reach out to you.
Post # 4
Member
984 posts
Busy bee
She was there for you during your lowest times, as recently as this summer.
So instead of cutting her off when she has one difficult month, I would try to be there for her in return.
(And browsing Facebook is a pretty mindless activity; just because someone is killing time on their phone for five minutes doesn’t mean they have time or energy for a conversation.)
Post # 5
Member
5471 posts
Bee Keeper
She’s been distant for a month and she has specifically told you she has a lot going on. You sound like you just want to be her main focus.
What exactly upset you about her ‘good luck for your surgery’ text?
Maybe she doesn’t want to hassle you while you’re unwell and is letting you text her when you feel up to it. How old are you both?
She let you know things at work we’re tough and you didn’t even respond so maybe she feels let down by you.
Post # 6
Member
439 posts
Helper bee
Maybe reach out when you don’t need anything and see what happens. Maybe she feels like the relationship became one-sided and needs you to reach out to her. Maybe not. Maybe try reaching out and only checking in on her and her needs. Or just ask her what’s up. You could salvage a friendship or know it’s time to end things.
Post # 7
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
I’d also be careful not to lean on your friend so emotionally heavily that you rely on her for sympathy, therapy, friendship, relief of boredom, etc. That can happen unintentionally when you are out of a relationship or going through a hard time, and it can be extremely draining on the person who is doing the “caretaking” for you. If she has her own issues right now, it wouldn’t hurt to check in with her about how she is doing. If you can’t do that because you are in your own mental health state right now, than you could be sympathetic to the fact that she is also going through something and just can’t be there to the extent she was. If I was emotionally overwhelmed, I would not check in with a friend extensively about a minor surgical procedure like something like oral surgery, a few stitches, or a colonoscopy, so it really depends on the type of surgery and risk factors involved with whether or not I would respond at length to something like that with a friend.
Post # 8
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
It could be that she needs some of her own “me time”. Maybe she has been there for you and now has her own stressors and requires some downtime and can’t take on anymore of anyone else’s needs. She may feel that she has been giving out to others a lot recently with work and her own relationships and can’t be there to support anyone else for awhile.
I would give her the benefit of the doubt and give her some space. We all need to recharge our batteries.
Let some time go by (at least couple of weeks or so) and then ask her about how she is feeling and how she is doing and keep the conversation just about her.