Best Friend getting me down.

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
6358 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

Hope you’re doing well after surgery.  I would probably be a bit hurt, but would also cut my friend some slack.  It seems she has a lot on her plate with work and a difficult relationship.

Post # 3
Member
559 posts
Busy bee

Usually I let people go when the friendship becomes a hassle/one-sided. That’s just me, though and I admittedly have a low bullshit threshold. (And I know a lot of people don’t agree but having to continually chase after someone to make plans or just to talk without any kind of reciprocation on their part is bullshit.)

Do you, live your best life and don’t stress yourself out reaching out to people who can’t be bothered to reach out to you. 

Post # 4
Member
1037 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

She was there for you during your lowest times, as recently as this summer.

So instead of cutting her off when she has one difficult month, I would try to be there for her in return.

(And browsing Facebook is a pretty mindless activity; just because someone is killing time on their phone for five minutes doesn’t mean they have time or energy for a conversation.)

Post # 5
Member
5865 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

She’s been distant for a month and she has specifically told you she has a lot going on. You sound like you just want to be her main focus.

What exactly upset you about her ‘good luck for your surgery’ text?

Maybe she doesn’t want to hassle you while you’re unwell and is letting you text her when you feel up to it. How old are you both?

She let you know things at work we’re tough and you didn’t even respond so maybe she feels let down by you.

Post # 6
Member
520 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Maybe reach out when you don’t need anything and see what happens. Maybe she feels like the relationship became one-sided and needs you to reach out to her. Maybe not. Maybe try reaching out and only checking in on her and her needs. Or just ask her what’s up. You could salvage a friendship or know it’s time to end things.

Post # 7
Member
984 posts
Busy bee

I’d also be careful not to lean on your friend so emotionally heavily that you rely on her for sympathy, therapy, friendship, relief of boredom, etc. That can happen unintentionally when you are out of a relationship or going through a hard time, and it can be extremely draining on the person who is doing the “caretaking” for you.  If she has her own issues right now, it wouldn’t hurt to check in with her about how she is doing. If you can’t do that because you are in your own mental health state right now, than you could be sympathetic to the fact that she is also going through something and just can’t be there to the extent she was.  If I was emotionally overwhelmed, I would not check in with a friend extensively about a minor surgical procedure like something like oral surgery, a few stitches, or a colonoscopy, so it really depends on the type of surgery and risk factors involved with whether or not I would respond at length to something like that with a friend.

Post # 8
Member
1255 posts
Bumble bee

It could be that she needs some of her own “me time”. Maybe she has been there for you and now has her own stressors and requires some downtime and can’t take on anymore of anyone else’s needs. She may feel that she has been giving out to others a lot recently with work and her own relationships and can’t be there to support anyone else for awhile.

I would give her the benefit of the doubt and give her some space. We all need to recharge our batteries.

Let some time go by (at least couple of weeks or so) and then ask her about how she is feeling and how she is doing and keep the conversation just about her

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