(Closed) Best friend has become a bridesmaid-zilla :(

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If she’s been your friend for 20 years I would have a talk with her, telling her how you feel and ultimately that you miss her as a friend. Yes, she’s a sucky bridesmaid right now… BUT…. maybe there’s something else going on? I’d tell her I was concerned with how she was acting and wondered if she was okay or if there’s something else bugging her you don’t know about? 

 

If there’s nothing else or she refuses to talk about it…. do you want to ask her to step down as bm? You have a long time till the wedding and it may not be taken so badly. If she’s acting like she wants out or is disinterested, maybe she really is and would be better off out of the wedding planning process. :/ it’s unfortunate either way. I don’t understand it either. 

Post # 4
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

you’re not over-reacting at all! It is so weird that she suddenly started acting so strangely towards you… definitely keep trying to talk to her to figure out what’s going on. I wonder if there’s something totally unrelated going on in her life that’s upsetting her, and she has for some reason decided to take it out on you… some perceived slight or wrongdoing on your part. It’s just so odd though. Is this out of character for her or has she done stuff like this in the past?

Post # 5
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

IMO, you should’ve picked up the phone a looong time ago before it got heated.  Days of texting can be so impersonal.  When she wasn’t responding to you, you should’ve picked up the phone and called her!  We rely on e-mails and texting so heavily these days. By the time you actually called her, you were fuming. Ok, so that was my rant on communication. 

So when you got engaged, she was happy? Everything was good?  Did you miss or forget something that is going on in her life?  Usually, people do not withdraw from a relationship without some sort of reason.  Has this ever happened before? 

Wait for her to come back from her vacation and talk on the phone or in person without any anger (I know you are upset and have a lot of emotions going on).  You need to put it plain and simple and ask her why there hasn’t been any communication.  And then go from there. It’s weird that all of this is happening, so you really need to talk this out, that can solve it all!  I’m wishing you the best of luck and let us know how it goes.

Post # 7
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Yes, I agree with @starbuck  it seems like really odd behaviour for such a long time best friend. Is there something else that happened? 

If she just had a baby, could she feel like you’re wedding obsessed and not there for her and her child, so she’s giving you the brush off now? Not exactly mature behaviour, but it definitely seems like she is being purposely spiteful.

I would try to talk to her, if not in person then by phone. Tell her this is beyond wedding stuff, and you are concerned about your friendship. If you’ve been close for that long then she’s essentially family. You should be able to have a conversation about this and move on. If she doesn’t want to put in the time to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man anymore then ask her to play another role, maybe a reading, or whatever. 

Your wedding is important, but not worth sacrificing a life long friendship over.

However, if she continues to act like a beatch, and blow you off. Let her know you are moving forward as though she is no longer participating, and stop including her. 

I hate reading these posts about Bridesmaid or Best Man drama. It just makes me sad. These women are supposed to be the brides closest friends and family. I don’t get how these situations devolve into such petty drama when they can usually be easily rectified by an adult conversation in 5 minutes.

Post # 8
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Sunshine09:  Try and not jump ahead of yourself.  Really, take this one step at a time and don’t think about asking her to step down or ending the friendship hastily.  You owe it to the friendship to have a long talk with her, especially since you said it’s very out of character for her to act this way.  I was going to suggest that she is having money problems with the new baby, selling the house, going back to work situation so she is avoiding dresses, luncheon’s, ect. – but you said she’s on vacation now lol.  I think (in my opinion), it’s important to find out what is going on and then decide what you want to do.  She is acting crappy and it’s not right – but I truly think it would help you to talk her first and let her know in the convo that you are really hurt by this because it’s such an exciting time in your life.

Post # 10
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think you should have long talk with her about your feelings and find out where all of this is coming from. She may feel like since you are planning a wedding, you are only interested in the wedding. Try to remember to talk to her about her life and about things that are not related to wedding. She’s your Bridesmaid or Best Man, so you should be able to talk to her about somethings, but your friendship should not be 100% wedding related until you get married.

Post # 11
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Sunshine09:  Don’t let it kill your wedding buzz!!! There is so much time between now and your wedding, you may be able to get through this in one conversation and get going on things again!  Just like a disagreement with a fiance- open, constructive and honest (tactful) communication can resolve 99% of them.  Just make sure you start off with the fact that you were really upset and hurt that you never got any responses, not only as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but as a best friend and you don’t know why she would withdraw from the relationship at this time.  Apologize for the heated phone call, but let her know it was just built up anger from lack of responses.  Get to the heart of the matter and then…. move on! 

Remember you are marrying the love of your life in August, don’t let anything take that meaning away from it, your wedding day will be perfect!

Post # 13
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

If I were you, I wouldn’t worry too much about if you’ve been talking about the wedding too much. It doesn’t matter how much you have a friend that fixates on one thing, you still don’t tell them they’re not your priority! That would seriously have left me crying. 

I would just call her and ask what happened. I’m sure she knows that something is wrong in your friendship, so it shouldn’t be a big surprise when you ask her what’s going on. I would just be really honest about what’s happening and why it’s hurting your feelings. I’m sorry this is happening, it’s really unfair of her. 🙁

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