Post # 1
I guess I am just looking for thoughts and opinions right now.
I have been best friends with a girl (Kate) since elementary school. Over the last few years, we have grown apart a little (which I think is normal with adulthood), but I would still consider her to be my closest friend. We text eachother almost daily and hangout around once a month/once every other month. Other than me, I know she doesnt have many friends she considers to be close with- and I am the same way with her.
Kate got engaged January 2017 and will be getting married October of this year. She has told me that so far, they only things she has planned are the venue and the save the dates (so I think she is running a little behind with planning). When she first got engaged, I kind of assumed I would be part of the wedding. Kate doesnt have sisters, has one Future Sister-In-Law who she isnt close with, me, and maybe a couple other friends. We hung out in November and she said “Im making a gift type thing to give you, but it isnt ready yet” and IMMEDIATELY after starts talking about her wedding. I havent heard anything about the “gift” since.
I feel a little down, as tons of people (my parents, her parents, BFs parents, Boyfriend or Best Friend, etc.) are asking if I am a bridesmaid/MOH. Everytime, I have to answer with “I dont know”, which seems weird considering how close we are. Do you think she is just running behind on wedding stuff and asking me? How far out did you ask your bridesmaids?
Post # 2
She might also not be having a wedding party.
Post # 3
Just ask her. She may not be having a bridal party, as a previous poster suggested. Or she may feel shy and doesn’t want to burden you. Ask her in the most unassuming way possible if she’s thought about who she wants as her bridesmaids.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center
Hmm…maybe you could casually just ask “so are you having a wedding party?”. She might have changed her mind and just dropped that idea altogether, or may be having a family only (cousins, etc.) party.
Re: your last question – I asked my BMs 9-10 months out, but I’m a planner and did it really ahead of time as compared to a lot of people. She might just be overwhelmed. Maybe ask her if you can help with anything, or ask her if you can give a speech/toast?
Post # 5
Thank you for the responses so far!
Last I spoke with her, she is having a wedding party. At one point, she said “I was considering asking XYZ to be a bridesmaid, but there is no way I will now”. Kate and XYZ were never super close, but the turning point was when XYZ started to go out and get drunk every night and then cheated on her fiance.
She has also mentioned making her little sister a Jr. bridemaid (I lied- Kate has a sister who is 8 years old).
Post # 6
She might not have a wedding party, or she might not ask you.
If she doesn’t ask you, try to not take it personally because it’s NOT about you. When you plan a wedding you discover a million obligations you have to cousins, nieces, sisters, aunts, future in laws, et cet.
Post # 7
Do you know if she’s asked anyone else? There’s a chance that she could just be super disorganized and behind on planning. I do find it strange that, if she wasn’t going to include you in the wedding and you are close, that she would bring up others she was considering asking. Is there a chance she may assume you know you’re automatically a bridesmaid/MOH? I say this because one of FI’s good friends never outright asked him to be a groomsman, it was just assumed (it was really bizarre).
To answer your question, I asked my BMs about a year out because I’m a planner, people have busy schedules, and our wedding is during a popular vacation time for some of our friends and family members.
Post # 8
Personally wouldn’t ask. That can lead to an awkward conversation which she might just be trying to avoid all along. It’s her wedding day and if she wants you up there, she will ask.
To answer the questions, I asked mine about 9 months ahead. For me it was very easy, I have three sisters which were absolutely had to be in. Then i choose his 3 sisters as well. I didn’t have to pick between any friends and this way our family photos will look great as everyone is coordinating and all done up.
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre
She might not be having a bridal party or she may have a bridal party with only family
Post # 10
With the sounds of things, it sounds like she’s running behind on planning. I wouldn’t ask and would just wait and see. If she hasn’t asked any other people to be in her wedding party, then I wouldn’t worry about it and would wait.
Post # 11
It’s hard to say – she could just be running behind on planning (it doesn’t sound as if this would be surprising), she could have decided to scrap a bridal party all together, she could just be having one attendant, etc etc. I don’t think I would ask though, as I wouldn’t want her to feel like I was putting her on the spot.
To answer your question, I asked my bridesmaids about a year out from the wedding. I waited until we’d put a deposit down on a venue so that I could tell them the date. A friend of mine is getting married later this year and she still hasn’t asked anyone to be in her bridal party yet (although I have a feeling theirs will be family only) and another friend who isn’t getting married for a few years but has already asked her bridesmaids. Everyone is different, some people are just more organised than others.
Post # 12
Do you think she is just assuming you already know?
My BFF (who I have been friends with since we were 5, now in our 30s) just assumed the role on her own. Which I kinda loved and thought was funny all in one. She immedately started booking appointments for dress shopping and putting together ideas. I “officially” asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor becasue I wanted her to feel super special so I went and did a cutesy balloon pop thing.
Maybe she jsut assumes you already know?
Post # 13
I haven’t asked my bridesmaids yet and I got engaged in November! I would say it’s still early.
Post # 14
Don’t ask if you are bridesmaid. She will ask you if she is going to. Just wait and see. She might have someone else or she might not have a wedding party. It shouldn’t make a differnece in your friendship.
Post # 15
People plan whole weddings in less time than there is until hers. Just wait and see if anything is mentioned. Eventually she’ll have to discuss dresses etc. Maybe the gift she had in mind was delayed or she hasn’t ordered it yet, which to me is a silly reason, but whatever.
As others say, she may not be having a wedding party at all, she might assume you already know, or she may have decided to include only family members.
Do not bring it up or ask. That would be rude.