Best friend hasnt asked me to be in her wedding (yet?)

posted 1 month ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
2799 posts
Sugar bee

She might also not be having a wedding party. 

Post # 3
630 posts
Busy bee

Just ask her. She may not be having a bridal party, as a previous poster suggested. Or she may feel shy and doesn’t want to burden you. Ask her in the most unassuming way possible if she’s thought about who she wants as her bridesmaids.

Post # 4
1334 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

Hmm…maybe you could casually just ask “so are you having a wedding party?”. She might have changed her mind and just dropped that idea altogether, or may be having a family only (cousins, etc.) party.

Re: your last question – I asked my BMs 9-10 months out, but I’m a planner and did it really ahead of time as compared to a lot of people. She might just be overwhelmed. Maybe ask her if you can help with anything, or ask her if you can give a speech/toast?

Post # 6
755 posts
Busy bee

She might not have a wedding party, or she might not ask you.

If she doesn’t ask you, try to not take it personally because it’s NOT about you. When you plan a wedding you discover a million obligations you have to cousins, nieces, sisters, aunts, future in laws, et cet.

Post # 7
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Do you know if she’s asked anyone else? There’s a chance that she could just be super disorganized and behind on planning. I do find it strange that, if she wasn’t going to include you in the wedding and you are close, that she would bring up others she was considering asking. Is there a chance she may assume you know you’re automatically a bridesmaid/MOH? I say this because one of FI’s good friends never outright asked him to be a groomsman, it was just assumed (it was really bizarre). 

To answer your question, I asked my BMs about a year out because I’m a planner, people have busy schedules, and our wedding is during a popular vacation time for some of our friends and family members. 

Post # 8
16 posts
  • Wedding: July 2018

Personally wouldn’t ask. That can lead to an awkward conversation which she might just be trying to avoid all along. It’s her wedding day and if she wants you up there, she will ask. 

To answer the questions, I asked mine about 9 months ahead. For me it was very easy, I have three sisters which were absolutely had to be in. Then i choose his 3 sisters as well. I didn’t have to pick between any friends and this way our family photos will look great as everyone is coordinating and all done up. 

Post # 9
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

She might not be having a bridal party or she may have a bridal party with only family 

Post # 10
1045 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

With the sounds of things, it sounds like she’s running behind on planning. I wouldn’t ask and would just wait and see. If she hasn’t asked any other people to be in her wedding party, then I wouldn’t worry about it and would wait.

Post # 11
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

It’s hard to say – she could just be running behind on planning (it doesn’t sound as if this would be surprising), she could have decided to scrap a bridal party all together, she could just be having one attendant, etc etc. I don’t think I would ask though, as I wouldn’t want her to feel like I was putting her on the spot.

To answer your question, I asked my bridesmaids about a year out from the wedding. I waited until we’d put a deposit down on a venue so that I could tell them the date. A friend of mine is getting married later this year and she still hasn’t asked anyone to be in her bridal party yet (although I have a feeling theirs will be family only) and another friend who isn’t getting married for a few years but has already asked her bridesmaids. Everyone is different, some people are just more organised than others.

Post # 12
441 posts
Helper bee

Do you think she is just assuming you already know?

My BFF (who I have been friends with since we were 5, now in our 30s) just assumed the role on her own. Which I kinda loved and thought was funny all in one. She immedately started booking appointments for dress shopping and putting together ideas. I “officially” asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor becasue I wanted her to feel super special so I went and did a cutesy balloon pop thing. 

Maybe she jsut assumes you already know? 

Post # 13
1433 posts
Bumble bee

I haven’t asked my bridesmaids yet and I got engaged in November! I would say it’s still early. 

Post # 14
114 posts
Blushing bee

Don’t ask if you are bridesmaid. She will ask you if she is going to. Just wait and see. She might have someone else or she might not have a wedding party. It shouldn’t make a differnece in your friendship.

Post # 15
9420 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

People plan whole weddings in less time than there is until hers. Just wait and see if anything is mentioned. Eventually she’ll have to discuss dresses etc. Maybe the gift she had in mind was delayed or she hasn’t ordered it yet, which to me is a silly reason, but whatever. 

As others say, she may not be having a wedding party at all, she might assume you already know, or she may have decided to include only family members. 

Do not bring it up or ask. That would be rude. 

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