(Closed) Best friend is chronically unfaithful

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Hmm, I don’t think there’s much you can do, unfortunately!

My beloved little brother is a total idiot with his various girl friends, so I get how that is a bit hard to watch. All you can do is give her your honest opinion once (if she’s open to it) and let the chips fall where they may as far as her relationships are concerned. That’s what I do with my brother. Then at least I know SOMEONE said what needed to be said. But I do it as politely and non judgementally as I can. It has the best chance of getting across that way.

Maybe point out how totally out of line sleeping with married guys is? Although it sounds as though you’ve already made yourself clear on that.

I would probably have talked it over with Fi too. I can’t really blame him for not wanting to get attached to Fred.


Post # 4
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

I don’t blame your husband for not wanting to get close to Fred, as he’s right – history has a way of repeating itself with Sarah. There may be a possibility of friendship with Fred outside of Sarah – after that relationship ends.

How very sad and unfortunate that this woman has had it drilled into her head that her only worth is in her appearance. Given her upbringing, it’s not shocking that she’s on a wild goose chase for approval from men. So many people wind up doing this – they don’t approve of themselves and they seek it externally. They can’t find it in one person, so they bounce around hoping to find it in the next. Very sad.

There’s little that you can do. The woman probably needs a professional to help her sort all of those feelings out, and then she might have a shot at not blowing up her relationships.

She’s showing classic signs of being a self-saboteur…she gets into a decent relationship, then cheats with someone entirely unattainable. I’m sure she knows the affair will never work out, so she ends up losing both men in the process. She likely doesn’t get too attached to the men she dates, so she’s emotionally ‘preserved’ in a way as she winds up being the one to end everything before they can.

I would tell Sarah that you will not keep secrets for her – if someone asks about her history, you will say, “You’ll have to ask Sarah about that.” You won’t speak up, but you won’t lie, either.

Beyond suggesting she get professional help, I don’t see much to be done.

Post # 5
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think if you want to remain friends, you’ll just have to accept her and the way she is. I also think that you should respect your SO’s view and hang out with her outside of the home, and on your own time. If you get to pick your friends, so does he.

As for your friend, I hope someone can get that gal into some therapy.

Post # 6
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I had a friend like this. I had to quit speaking with her. I realized that everything about her was against my morals, including carrying on with married men. I also realized that by being by her side as she did this to ppl meant that i was letting her think that even though she behaved that way, that she still had someone in her corner. I could not be that person and I dont think she deserved a person in her corner. I am sorry that your friend is this way. I hope she finds help.

Post # 7
8444 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I have a friend like this, whom I love dearly.  Maybe it’s upbringing or whatever, but some people can make wonderful friends, yet be terrible partners.

Post # 8
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I congratulate you for remaining friends despite her flaws.  NO ONE is perfect and I am sorry that your friend believes that being attractive to men is the only measure of self-worth. That being said, I can’t blame your SO’s for feeling the way he does, although I can”t help but wonder if he would feel the same way if your friend was a man acting this way. I agree with a PP that perhaps the best solution is to see your friend outside of your home. You can not force people to be friends.

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