Post # 1
I am a new-bee here and have been reading posts for a while before deciding to sign up and ask a question. My husband and I have been happily married for 2 years now.
In college, I had a boyfriend. My best friend liked him and the three of us used to hang out together. The relationship with the guy ended when we graduated, we never spoke again. I moved across the country, met my Hubby, and started a new life. My best friend continued being friends with my Ex-BF. When she started having marital problems, her own husband blamed my Ex-BF because the two were ‘too close’ and he thought they were having an affair. This turned out to be a lie. When I asked her she denied everything, but instead confided to me that her husband was the serial cheater, got a girl pregnant, leading to the demise of her marriage.
My husband now hates her simply because he found out that she is still friends to my Ex-BF. He has forbidden me to speak with her. I told Hubby I really don’t care who she befriends, but he says she probably gets along with my Ex-BF because she wanted me to end up with him. I miss my friend (she is going through a bad divorce and could use some support), but I cannot be there for her because my husband raises hell anytime he even hears her name. I tried bringing them together, and it was a disaster. My best friend was lamenting about her cheating husband and how she was hurt, and Hubby kept interrupting to talk about my Ex-BF and demanding why she was friends with him. It made things worse. My best friend lost her patience and told Hubby to go ‘F’ himself. It was a disaster!
Is Hubby right – was my girlfriend wrong to maintain a friendship with my Ex-BF? Should I care?
I might add that at the beginning when I broke up with my Ex, my girlfriend tried to reconcile us. Even after I moved cross country and met Hubby, she would call and try to talk me into reconciling, and update me on what he is up to. I asked her to stop and she did.
Post # 2
voovoo: I was with you (and against your husband) right up until the very last paragraph. It sounds like he dislikes her not because she maintained a friendship with her your ex, but because she persisted in trying to reconcile you with him, even after you had entered a new relationship with your husband. While I think he is being a little drastic, I can understand why he’d be concerned. That being said, my husband absolutely does not dictate who my friends are and who I am “allowed” to speak with. He needs to kinda get over it – she’s not trying to reconcile the two of you now.
Post # 3
voovoo: Despite your friend’s efforts to reconcile you at the beginning of the relationship, it’s extremely controlling of him to forbid contact. It’s uderstandable if he’s not a fan, but she stopped long ago and you value her friendship so he should suck it up and get over himself.
Post # 4
Her actions are not harmful to you or your DH–that was past and you guys are now married. Way to hold a grudge over your BFF trying to reconcile you and her other BFF. Of course she would, she wants your trio of best friends back lol.
What is more concerning to me is that your Darling Husband is “forbidding” you to be a good person because he is biased against your friend. He is stopping YOU from being a good friend and essentially losing this friendship just because she prefers the other guy? I say controlling.
She’s going through a divorce and just wants to vent and he kept interrupting her over the past issue which is really a moissies since you guys are now married. That’s rude and heartless.
I can’t stand for someone who will alienate me. I just cant. I will tell him he is being emotionally abusive by trying to cut you off from a friend in need.
Post # 5
voovoo: Your husband is a conrtrol freak if he cannot accept your BFF in your life. So what if she is still friends with your ex-BF? He must be an awfully immature and insecure man if he sees your girlfriend as a threat simply because she is friends with your ex. Your ex is in her life not yours or your DH’s.
Many of us are still friends with our exes. Fortunately, some relationships just slowly dissolve over time. We don’t all have to end up hating each other.
Post # 6
Is your ex a hotshot lawyer, by any chance?
Post # 7
Your husband is acting like an asshole, and I would have told him to fuck off too. He needs to grow up.
Post # 8
OP, your husband sounds like a dick. Sorry, but it is what it is. He’s never met your ex…I’m assuming your ex never beat you or did anything to warrant your husband to hate him so much, so why does he hate him so much? Simply because he’s an ex? That’s ridiculous.
As for your friend…no, it isn’t wrong for her to still be friends with your ex. I honestly never understood this whole mindset of “choosing a side” in a breakup. Your friend doesn’t owe your husband any sort of explaination of her friendship with your ex. Sure, maybe she tried to get you two to reconcile…but you asked her to stop and she did.
Post # 9
Your husband can go fuck himself, honestly. He doesn’t get to control your contact with your best friend, and his behavior towards her was atrocious–I wouldn’t tolerate anyone speaking to my best friend like that! Your best friend, with whom you have a longtime bond with, is going through a painful time in her life and needs your support. Your husband is doing his best to “punish” her for her friendship with your ex by taking you away from her. He is a controlling, vindictive asshole. And you’re actually considering that he’s in the right? What the fuck??
His ego is out of control and abusive shit like this is only going to get a lot worse. Go to counseling, like, yesterday. Or better yet, tell him to pack his shit and find a hotel for the next rest of his life.
Post # 10
Your friend can befriend anyone she wants, and that shouldn’t matter to your husband. Your hubby sounds insecure, honestly. Even if best friend did try to reconcile you and ex, that’s in the past. So what, move on everyone.
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Oh hell no! Telling you who you can and can’t talk to (including your best friend?!) because of his own irrational insecurities? Just NO.
Even if she was trying to get you back with your ex originally, who the eff cares. Friends look out for each other and she obviously thinks he’s a good guy. Any halfway reasonable man would realize that you married HIM so who cares.
No way could I deal with this. This kind of overly jealous and controlling behavior is emotional abuse, plain and simple.
Post # 12
His insecurity is overbearing!
Post # 13
I agree with the PP’s… he is insecure and very controlling.
If your friend wants to be friends with him, then that’s her choice. As long as she knows that you have absolutely no interest in reconciling with him- as a friend or anything else for that matter. Which, she does know and has stopped pushing him on you.
Also- please be there for your friend. Sounds like she is having a tough time.
Post # 14
Your husband has absolutely no say in the friendships of others. He sounds very immature, insecure, controlling and petty. Frankly, for me this would be a massive red flag. You should be able to visit your friend. As long as she isn’t trying to get the two of you back together now who cares if she did in the past when you were single. Ugh. Sorry OP but this post made me angry at your husband and I feel for you living in that situation.
Post # 15
Thanks everyone. I had a frank conversation with my BFF, she’s currently going through hell and the last thing she needs is my Hubby’s BS (her own words). It is sad because I have to call her in secret to offer my support.
I don’t know what to do about Hubby, it’s like he sees red anytime he hears about my BFF. Instead, talks to her cheating husband, who keeps feeding him with a lot of trash about my BFF. Go figure.