Post # 1
Hello bees! A bit of a long story but I’ll keep it as short and sweet as possible!
My best friend (my maid of honour two years ago) recently got engaged. We have been best friends since 5th grade, along with our other friend, let’s call her Emily, who we met in sixth grade. A little background between Emily and I. I met her in grade six and introduced her to my best friend. Since then she has been our mutual friend but has a group of her own. In the last few years she has gone the party route while my best friend and I have gone the Hubby route 🙂 Anyways, best friends fiancé and I worked together for months to plan the proposal perfectly. Two weeks after the proposal was my birthday. I was meeting up with my four bridesmaids including best friend and Emily For lunch that day. My best friend called and asked me to come early to lunch to talk so I did assuming I was about to be asked to be maid of honour or a bridesdmaids If she chose her younger sister as maid of honour. Excitedly my best friend asked me to be a bridesmaid which I was Extremely excited to be asked assuming her sister would be moh. I’m them told Emily will be the moh and I will be a bridesmaid along with my best friends two teenage sisters. I’m really sad and confused, but I will put on a brave face. Do any of you ladies have any advice for me? I feel a little embarassed to be the bridesmaid along with two teenagers when our other mutual friend who wants nothing to do with marriage is moh. I feel like Kristen wig in bridesmaids! Haha! So any advise to get through the day with a smile? Any advise on how I can be a great bridesmaid without showing my feelings are so hurt? Thanks ladies!
Post # 2
- Wedding: September 2016 - Simsbury 1820 House
The bride must have her reasons. Be happy and support her. maybe she wanted Emily to be more involved or feel more involved for some reason. maybe she wanted to give you a break since you’re recently married. I wouldn’t read it into it or care. You’re still a Bridesmaid or Best Man and her best friend. Maid/Matron of Honor is just a title and it’s silly to get upset over. My own sister didn’t have me as her Maid/Matron of Honor and I was ok with it. I was in college while she was getting married. I didn’t have the funds or time to help plan a wedding.
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle
Get through the day with a smile? I assume (or hope, rather) that you’ll be over it by then and will get through the day just fine.
It stings, I’m sure, but the bride is allowed to make her own choices. It’s not for anyone to understand but her. Kind of along the same lines: my only sister, to whom I am very close, chose her best friend to be her first born’s godmother. I was a little taken aback, but in the end it was her decision to make.
Post # 4
Either she thinks Emily can do more for her, in which case, she’s kind of a shitty person; or she feels closer to Emily. I can’t really think of any other reason why she’d have her as Maid/Matron of Honor. I don’t think you should feel embarassed, but I tbh, this would probably make me see our friendship differently. I’m super laid back and live-and-let-live, so I probably wouldn’t ask her about it or get upset, but I’d be seeing with new eyes and might adjust my behavior accordingly.
Post # 5
sorry to hear that! i admit i would also be hurt and feel slighted if i were you. as the other posters said, the bride must have her reasons…some we may never know. i agree with the PP, that although i would still be there for the bride, it would also change and shift my view/friendship with the bride. unfortunately in life, sometimes we put higher priorities on others than they put on us.
Post # 6
Life isn’t tit for tat. Just because you made her your Maid/Matron of Honor does not mean that she has to make you her’s.
Her wedding is not about you, it is about her and her Fiance. She gets to choose the roles you play in her weeding and you get to accept or decline that role.
And what does not being interested in getting married yourself have to do with suitability to be someone else’s MOH?
Get over your jealousy and concentrate on supporting your friend.
Post # 7
You’re simply not as close as you think you are. All relationships have one party that is more invested and it sounds like you’re that person. Your friend didn’t meant o be hurtful. She just saw Emily as a better fit.
That being sad. I had the same conversation with my friend a few days ago. I’d previously asked our mutual friend to be the Maid/Matron of Honor and my other friend only recently inquired about it. She said she was shocked that I wouldn’t choose her or someone other than the friend I did.
The thing is, I had my reasons for chooising her. She’s single. Fun. But most importantly, she LIKES to oganize. She’s the mother hen of our group. It’s a role she’d thrive on. I didn’t think my other friends would have the time, energy or money to devote to that role. I picked whom I thought would give me the better result (call it selfish if you will I don’t care) and who would ENJOY it more. The friend who did the asking is just too busy with her relationship and kid. I think when push came to shove she’d regret being involved. She’s also not as organized as the friend I chose. The friend I chose is all about itineraries, lol. It just seemed like abetter fit even though I like her way less than the other friend.
Eberyone has a role in your life. A part to play. The relationship dynamic is different for everyone.
Just accept she had her reasons and don’t take it personally.
This bride is clearly more honest with who she is, what she wants and the people around her and the role they play. It’s all about self awareness and making decisions that best suit you and other people in the long run. It’s your life. Act it out as you see fit, ;).
Post # 8
I would mention it. Youre supposed to be best friends, if that’s really true your friendship can survive a dose of honesty. Maybe your friend asked to be Maid/Matron of Honor, maybe your friend is feeling closer to her for some reason. Either way TALK to her before this testers and ruins your friendship longterm
Post # 9
Keep on repeating this: It’s not about you. I can kind of understand why you’re hurt — my best friend has two sisters and some really close college friends and though she was my Maid/Matron of Honor I don’t think I will be hers — but at the same time you’re a bridesmaid for one of your closest friends. Focus on that. Support her through this. Don’t read into it; this is nothing personal against you or anything.
Post # 10
If Emily’s “gone down the party route” maybe your friend thinks she’s the ideal person to organise that killer batchelorette. Honestly it could be something as simple as that. Just chuck yourself into it all and I’m sure you will feel better very soon as the initial surprise and disappointment fade.
Well done for putting a brave face on it and only venting on here. Try not to resent Emily, she hasn’t done anything wrong.
Post # 11
Please don’t mention it to her. I have 4 very good friends in my life that I would consider best friends. I was actually Maid/Matron of Honor in 3 of their weddings so it was hard for me to choose who to ask. I’m sure your friend also struggled with who to ask. Maybe she thinks that you would feel too stressed being Maid/Matron of Honor while planning your own wedding or maybe she has a closer relationship with Emily than you realize.
Let Emily know you’re there to help plan the shower and/or bachelorette (if you guys are doing that) and be happy your friend is getting married!
Post # 12
I understand you’re hurt/confused as anyone would be. I’d feel a little weird as well and kind of wonder what her reasoning is. But, having been on the opposite end of a similar situation, please don’t say anything to the bride. I had a friend get really upset she wasn’t a bridesmaid and it just really made me feel terrible when it shouldnt have even been about her, and I shouldn’t have had to worry about it in what would have otherwise been a really happy situation. It’s hard to manage everyone’s feelings when you’re planning a wedding and its also hard not to take things personally.
Post # 13
If you’re doing it because you love and care for your friend, it shouldn’t matter what your honorary title is.
If you’re just in it for the title, well, I guess you’ll be bummed.
Post # 14
“I picked whom I thought would give me the better result (call it selfish if you will I don’t care) and who would ENJOY it more. The friend who did the asking is just too busy with her relationship and kid. I think when push came to shove she’d regret being involved. She’s also not as organized as the friend I chose. The friend I chose is all about itineraries, lol. It just seemed like abetter fit even though I like her way less than the other friend.
Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/best-friend-is-getting-married-not-the-maid-of-honour/”
So you’re using one friend at the expense of the other friends feelings. Yuck.
Post # 15
This might be a silly reason, but perhaps she chose Emily because the role is “maid” of honor. With that said, she could’ve made you “matron” of honor. I’m guessing this is not the reason, but you never know!