(Closed) Best friend is getting married…NOT the maid of honour???

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Simsbury 1820 House

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javamonkey:  The bride must have her reasons. Be happy and support her. maybe she wanted Emily to be more involved or feel more involved for some reason. maybe she wanted to give you a break since you’re recently married. I wouldn’t read it into it or care. You’re still a Bridesmaid or Best Man and her best friend. Maid/Matron of Honor is just a title and it’s silly to get upset over. My own sister didn’t have me as her Maid/Matron of Honor and I was ok with it. I was in college while she was getting married. I didn’t have the funds or time to help plan a wedding.

Post # 3
Member
1485 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle

Get through the day with a smile? I assume (or hope, rather) that you’ll be over it by then and will get through the day just fine. 

It stings, I’m sure, but the bride is allowed to make her own choices. It’s not for anyone to understand but her. Kind of along the same lines: my only sister, to whom I am very close, chose her best friend to be her first born’s godmother. I was a little taken aback, but in the end it was her decision to make. 

Post # 4
Member
8409 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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javamonkey:  Either she thinks Emily can do more for her, in which case, she’s kind of a shitty person; or she feels closer to Emily. I can’t really think of any other reason why she’d have her as Maid/Matron of Honor. I don’t think you should feel embarassed, but I tbh, this would probably make me see our friendship differently. I’m super laid back and live-and-let-live, so I probably wouldn’t ask her about it or get upset, but I’d be seeing with new eyes and might adjust my behavior accordingly.

Post # 5
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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javamonkey:  sorry to hear that! i admit i would also be hurt and feel slighted if i were you. as the other posters said, the bride must have her reasons…some we may never know. i agree with the PP, that although i would still be there for the bride, it would also change and shift my view/friendship with the bride. unfortunately in life, sometimes we put higher priorities on others than they put on us. 

Post # 6
Member
7534 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Life isn’t tit for tat. Just because you made her your Maid/Matron of Honor does not mean that she has to make you her’s.

Her wedding is not about you, it is about her and her Fiance. She gets to choose the roles you play in her weeding and you get to accept or decline that role. 

And what does not being interested in getting married yourself have to do with suitability to be someone else’s MOH?

Get over your jealousy and concentrate on supporting your friend.

Post # 7
Member
1617 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

You’re simply not as close as you think you are. All relationships have one party that is more invested and it sounds like you’re that person. Your friend didn’t meant o be hurtful. She just saw Emily as a better fit.

That being sad. I had the same conversation with my friend a few days ago. I’d previously asked our mutual friend to be the Maid/Matron of Honor and my other friend only recently inquired about it. She said she was shocked that I wouldn’t choose her or someone other than the friend I did.

The thing is, I had my reasons for chooising her. She’s single. Fun. But most importantly, she LIKES to oganize. She’s the mother hen of our group. It’s a role she’d thrive on. I didn’t think my other friends would have the time, energy or money to devote to that role. I picked whom I thought would give me the better result (call it selfish if you will I don’t care) and who would ENJOY it more. The friend who did the asking is just too busy with her relationship and kid. I think when push came to shove she’d regret being involved. She’s also not as organized as the friend I chose. The friend I chose is all about itineraries, lol. It just seemed like abetter fit even though I like her way less than the other friend.

Eberyone has a role in your life. A part to play. The relationship dynamic is different for everyone.

Just accept she had her reasons and don’t take it personally.

This bride is clearly more honest with who she is, what she wants and the people around her and the role they play. It’s all about self awareness and making decisions that best suit you and other people in the long run. It’s your life. Act it out as you see fit, ;).

Post # 8
Member
2366 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I would mention it. Youre supposed to be best friends, if that’s really true your friendship can survive a dose of honesty. Maybe your friend asked to be Maid/Matron of Honor, maybe your friend is feeling closer to her for some reason. Either way TALK to her before this testers and ruins your friendship longterm

Post # 9
Member
3791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Keep on repeating this: It’s not about you.  I can kind of understand why you’re hurt — my best friend has two sisters and some really close college friends and though she was my Maid/Matron of Honor I don’t think I will be hers — but at the same time you’re a bridesmaid for one of your closest friends.  Focus on that.  Support her through this.  Don’t read into it; this is nothing personal against you or anything.

Post # 10
Member
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

If Emily’s “gone down the party route” maybe your friend thinks she’s the ideal person to organise that killer batchelorette. Honestly it could be something as simple as that. Just chuck yourself into it all and I’m sure you will feel better very soon as the initial surprise and disappointment fade. 

Well done for putting a brave face on it and only venting on here. Try not to resent Emily, she hasn’t done anything wrong. 

Post # 11
Member
5974 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Please don’t mention it to her. I have 4 very good friends in my life that I would consider best friends. I was actually Maid/Matron of Honor in 3 of their weddings so it was hard for me to choose who to ask. I’m sure your friend also struggled with who to ask. Maybe she thinks that you would feel too stressed being Maid/Matron of Honor while planning your own wedding or maybe she has a closer relationship with Emily than you realize.

Let Emily know you’re there to help plan the shower and/or bachelorette (if you guys are doing that) and be happy your friend is getting married!

Post # 12
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee

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javamonkey:  I understand you’re hurt/confused as anyone would be. I’d feel a little weird as well and kind of wonder what her reasoning is. But, having been on the opposite end of a similar situation, please don’t say anything to the bride. I had a friend get really upset she wasn’t a bridesmaid and it just really made me feel terrible when it shouldnt have even been about her, and I shouldn’t have had to worry about it in what would have otherwise been a really happy situation. It’s hard to manage everyone’s feelings when you’re planning a wedding and its also hard not to take things personally. 

Post # 13
Member
7225 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

If you’re doing it because you love and care for your friend, it shouldn’t matter what your honorary title is.

If you’re just in it for the title, well, I guess you’ll be bummed.

Post # 14
Member
8409 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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mrspereira:  “I picked whom I thought would give me the better result (call it selfish if you will I don’t care) and who would ENJOY it more. The friend who did the asking is just too busy with her relationship and kid. I think when push came to shove she’d regret being involved. She’s also not as organized as the friend I chose. The friend I chose is all about itineraries, lol. It just seemed like abetter fit even though I like her way less than the other friend.

Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/best-friend-is-getting-married-not-the-maid-of-honour/”

So you’re using one friend at the expense of the other friends feelings. Yuck.

Post # 15
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

This might be a silly reason, but perhaps she chose Emily because the role is “maid” of honor. With that said, she could’ve made you “matron” of honor. I’m guessing this is not the reason, but you never know! 

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