Best friend is pregnant. I should be happier, right?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 47
Member
9733 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

thunderboltsandlightening :  I totally get where you are coming from and I think it makes perfect sense. I’m also CFBC for now and have been getting the same pressure for years even before I was in a healthy relationship to have a child immediately. Once we got married in Oct literally the next day all anyone could do was ask us when we were going to start having children. And while we do want children soonish, I hate the feeling of being pressured to do it RIGHT THIS SECOND. 

On the other hand, I also have some friends who I think really hope we won’t have children for some time. I know this is because they are scared our friendship will change, and honestly it will. But its also scary for me because I feel like if we do have children that those friends who don’t will replace us with people who can go out and do the things we won’t be able to anymore and thats a huge bummer because I love them.

Even though I was initally harsh in my first comment I do think you’re being very mature and its so nice to see you taking the comments constructivly and using that to examine your own feelings. I think even if you don’t know squat about babies you’ll still be able to help your friend through this just by being there to hold her hand and be an ear to listen. Wishing you all the luck in the world!

Post # 49
Member
2153 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

thunderboltsandlightening :  Just one thing to add which might be helpful – remember she’s a person in her own right who is living her life doing something that’s going to make her extremely happy.. so if you love her you can be happy for her ๐Ÿ™‚ try not to view her as an accessory to your own life-style.. I know we all have a tendency to do that sometimes – to view friends as ”people who will make our night awesome” or ”make our day better” or whatever, but try and feel her happiness and be happy with her even if things do change ๐Ÿ™‚ And she should do the same for you.

Post # 51
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

thunderboltsandlightening :ย  I thought I’d post this, which I saw the other day and has a slightly different perspective:ย http://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/a-friends-pregnancy

In general, I wouldn’t worry too much about how something (pregnancy/marriage/new job) is going to change things until you see if it actually does. Especially since there is nothing you can do about it, it doesn’t make sense to worry about it beforehand! Easier said than done, I know, but freeing if you can manage it.

Post # 53
Member
7372 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Change is inevitable.

My Boyfriend or Best Friend of over 30 years had her first of two children 9 years ago. I’m the Godmother. We always planned on being pregnant at the same time. Guess what plans change. I’ve come to terms that I will not have any children.

Did our friendship “shift” yes, her priority has to be her children and shes a Stay-At-Home Mom while I work. I made consciencious decision to simply add more people to my circle when I had more time on my hands because she couldn’t be around to be my party partner anymore.

When we do have time, alot of time was spent with us and her kids. Thankfully, I adore them so I didn’t have an issue with that. We now share time in diffrent ways.

But our love and respect for each other has remained. There is nothing she can’t call me for and vice versa. We have support each other thru the loss of parents, grandparents, relationship changes, financial hard times, you name it been there, done that. If she every needed me to help bury a body, I’ll be there shovel in hand. 

She’s still my bestie for life! No parenting status will ever change that.  

You have to be bamboo and flow with things. Nothing stays the same, once you accept that, you will be able to navigate the changes with more ease. 

Post # 54
Member
9391 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

thunderboltsandlightening :  uhhh birth control pills don’t have HCG in them. If her doctor seriously told her that she should change to another provider.

Most likely she had a chemical pregnancy/early miscarriage.

Post # 58
Member
3905 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

thunderboltsandlightening :  The disgusting  thing here is your initial comment that is extremely  selfish and immature. You should have see the rant i replied with which i then edited after reading your update.

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