(Closed) Best friend issue – what would you do?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think you need to talk to her about what is bothering you.  It’s not fair to punish someone if you haven’t told them what they are doing wrong.

I understand why you are frustrated and hope you and “Jane” can work it out!!

Post # 4
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@meggiemay:  Based on what you mention, I would definitely give her the benefit of the doubt if she ever warms up to the idea.  There’s about 900 millions reasons why she’s pushing it off right now.  The sad reality is that you and she are going through different life events.  You are right, she’s being a poor sport in not supporting you when you have been a solid friend to her.  Since she asked you to make more time for her, she might feel neglected.  Maybe this is a chance to have her get involved?  Does she have a certain skill or “knack” for something that you can ask her opinion on (decor, fashion, colors, food, etc…) when it comes to the wedding? 

Post # 5
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@meggiemay:  I would suggest that when you do talk to her, ask about  her life first. Speaking from my current situation- it will mean a lot. I’m in the opposite spot. My friend ONLY talks about her wedding and her shower and blahblahblah but never asks about me before hanging up. Show interest in her life and then move to your wedding. It’ll warm and open up the conversation.

Post # 6
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@meggiemay: She gave you her best wishes when you got engaged. What else is there really to discuss? You have not picked a wedding party or anything to discuss dresses. All women are not into weddings and its not a dig because she is not into your wedding. She is not at that point in her life and may seem fake trying to talk abouut it. She loves you and wants to hang out. Are you saying she is not a friend because she does not want to have wedding chats? Let it go, she’s harmless. You can chat on the bee for wedding advice.

Post # 7
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Unfortunately weddings bring this kind of behavior out a lot. She’s probably convinced herself that once you’re married, you won’t have any time for her, so she’s coping by ignoring the wedding and pretending that nothing’s changing. It happened with my former best friend, before I was even officially engaged. I mentioned having her as my maid of honor and she flipped out and said there was no way she could do that. Eventually she realized that I had every intention of marrying Darling Husband, and came up with a bunch of lame excuses why she didn’t want to be my friend anymore, none of which were true, because she couldn’t stand how serious my relationship was getting. She was convinced that I would drop her altogether once I was married, so she wanted to be the “breaker-upper” instead of getting left behind.

With your friend, I’d just give her some time to adjust. IMO if she does eventually come around, it’s not too late. We all have moments of selfishness; I’d like to think that once we realize we’re being selfish and get over ourselves, we can be forgiven. But if she’s still determined not to acknowledge the wedding by the time you’re well into the planning process, then I guess it’s time to re-evaluate the friendship.

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