- 5 years ago
So this is semi-wedding-related.. But it’s something that has been bothering me a lot lately and I can’t talk to a ton of people about it, really, so I would like to hear your toughts.
A little background info…
My best friend (let’s call her C), and I have been best friends for about 10 years now. In the last couple years I will say we have not been quite as close, mostly because we don’t see each other very often. She moved into the city, (still not that far away, less than an hour) and our work schedules very very rarely allow us both days off at the same time, so it is difficult to plan to hangout. I think in the last two years we have maybe hungout 4 times … We still talk every day, and I still consider her my best friend.
Over last summer, I invited her and her bf over all the time for BBQ’s that SO and I would have at our house, we would invite all our friends, SO would make amazing food, we would hangout by the pool, everyone would come over (including my parents and SO’s mo). Almost every weekend we would have these gettogethers. Over the whole summer, not once was my bff able to come. Whether she had to work, or she was “too tired”, or “felt too awkward around my other friends”. She never once invited me over to her house, or tried to plan anything, it was always me.
Cue “new friend”, (let’s call her A). A co-worker who has now become one of my really good friends. It started off we just got along really well at work, then started hanging out outside of work, and now we are pretty much insperable, haha. Last summer we became pretty close, she has become good friends with my parents, SO, SO’s friends, SO’s mom, and all my other friends.
C & A met for the first time at my birthday last Nov, which didn’t go very well. C is socially awkward (as am I) so she found it hard to “mingle”(?) with my other friends there, while A is very outgoing and social, and already had met/hungout with/become friends with all my other friends. C got very upset with me that I had “replaced” her as my “best friend”, which in all honesty, I didn’t think I had. She said some very hurtful things to me about how I’ve “changed so much into a person I’m not” and blamed it on A.
(Side note: in high school when C and I were very close, I was not very happy, and I had a lot of confidence and emotional issues. So yes I have changed since then, but for the better. I’m happy, more outgoing, and more social than before.)
The worst part of this is the most ridiculous… I guess I had mentioned at some point that I would have both A & C as bridesmaids when and if I ever married SO. (My sister would be Maid/Matron of Honor, which everyone knows). C is very upset by this. She has said many more hurtful things since then about this, and it is really upsetting me. I consider them both my good friends, and would want them both there by my side. (Not to mention, SO would want A there as well, since they are now good friends also). C has told me that she would “respectfully decline” her invite to be a bridesmaid if A was also going to be one.
Does this sound ridiculous to anyone else? I have tried to reassure C a million times that she is still my “best friend” and that I love her dearly. But all she comes back with is that she imagines my wedding being like the movie “bridesmaids” and that A will make her life hell if they were both bridesmaids. (She has only met A once, and A was nothing but nice to her). Her exact words were “She has turned you into someone you’re not. You know her for 2 minutes and now you’re in love with her and want her to be a part of your wedding?!” I have been friends with A for 2 years now, and she has actually ended up being way more supportive and honestly, a better friend, than C has been lately.
I know this is long, so I’m sorry. But I can’t stop replaying all the things C has said to me that have hurt me, and I feel like I am in highschool again. Why can’t I have both my good friends there with me? And if C “respectfully” declines, that for me, would be the end of our friendship. I know it’s silly to worry about now because I’m not even engaged. But whenever C gets mad at me she brings all this stuff up again. And one day it’s going to be a real issue.
I don’t know.