Post # 1
I am absolutely exhausted – my best friend’s fiance just broke up with her this weekend, and she spent most of the weekend at my house, crying hysterically. We also did the “getting the stuff back” trip – brutal. I feel like her story isn’t mine to share, but I’m just wondering – anyone out there who called off an engagement, what did your friends/family do that was helpful? They weren’t actively planning a wedding, so there isn’t anything that needs to be done in that respect, and she had already moved out of his house a few weeks before. I just don’t know what to do or say to help her. My wedding is 4.5 weeks away, and I don’t want to make it harder on her by talking about it, but, its kind of crunch time. Ugh. I feel so terrible for her right now.
Post # 3
@greenmint: just be there to support her…that is such a hard thing to go through. is she in your wedding party?? I know its hard but i would try not to talk about the wedding while around her…at least for a week or two.
Post # 4
Take her out and do things with her. Shopping, dinner, go to the movies (NOT sappy romantic ones), etc. Things that require her to think about something other than her ex are the best activity. Just try and keep her too busy to think about the situation.
Post # 5
She’s not a bridesmaid (we decided to just keep it small and have only our siblings) but she is doing a reading, and will be coming to all the upcoming things – bachelorette party, rehersal dinner, etc. I know she is going to be super lonely for a while, and I would totally have her over to our house to hang out after work, but I need to be working on wedding things on the next few weeks.
Post # 6
@greenmint: that’s so awful, and the fact that your wedding is getting closer has to make it harder. as far as what to do for her, just be there for her. i also like the straight-forward and honest route with friends when they’re going through something that i don’t know how to help them with – like, the mother of a friend of mine just passed away, and i have no experience on what to do with that, so i told my friend “i love you, and i want to be here for you, but i don’t know what you need or what to do to help you – so, i’m here if you want to cry, if you want to go out drinking, or if you want to talk about something else – but no matter what i’m here for you and i love you.” she appreciated that i wsa there, and also that i wasn’t trying to “force” a specific kind of attention or help on her – it gave her the reins.
Post # 7
That’s a good point, about not forcing it – I’ll let her tell me what she needs. I just feel so terrible for her, and, in a way almost, responsible – i guess the fact that our wedding is happening so soon was sort of a catalyst for him to re-evaulate his relationship with my friend, and he decided that it wasn’t what he wanted. I know its not my fault, but it just makes it all the more painful.
Post # 8
take her out , keep her distracted, talk about it when SHE wants to talk about it – just support her .
Post # 9
aw! She is so lucky to have you though. Does she have a place to live or is she staying with you?
Take her out often, keep her distracted. Maybe take a class together (yoga or crafting or cooking, etc) to give her something to frequently look forward to. And I agree with a PP, try not to talk about your own wedding for a few more weeks so that she can at least get past the gut wrenching part of the break up before having to focus on wedding season. Sounds like you are a great friend.
Post # 10
@greenmint: Just continue to be a great friend to her
Post # 11
She will get through it and be much much stronger. When she does find the ONE she will look back and be thankful she didnt married the other guy.
I was engaged once before. He turned into an abuser. Breaking off my engagement was a HUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGEEEEE deal because in the close Albanian community, breaking off an engagement is equated to getting a divorce. Usually, the girl gets blamed. However, because my father handled the breaking of it, I was pretty good. I didnt even tell my Fiance i was dumping him, part of me was too scared and the other part of me wanted him to feel like a complete and utter moron. My father called his father and told him if he ever comes near me he will be begging for mercy. I washed my hands of him and spent a year just doing my own thing. It took me a year to get over it. It wasnt until I got over it that I was able to love again.
Its rough, but at least she has you. I had no one. My bestfriend was my ex’s cousin. She and a number of other girls I was friends with stopped talking to me after my break up.