Best friend just got engaged…

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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dellarossa :  I was surrounded by all my close friends being engaged for 2 solid years (Not exaggerating 10 close friends and about 10 other friends that I was invited to their weddings). It’s really easy to get jealous and start day dreaming of your own wedding but I also looked at it as a way to think about what I would and wouldn’t do when it was my time. Planning my wedding has been pretty easy because I’ve seen the good, bad and ugly of wedding planning. 

Just be a good friend to the bride and help her out as best you can, start a private pinterest board for when you need a little private planning release and enjoy this time because you want her to do the same for you when it’s your turn

Post # 3
Member
3066 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

The fact that you are concerned about how you might start to feel tells me you are self aware enough to recognise it if it starts happening and talk yourself down. You’ll be fine πŸ™‚

Post # 4
Member
3007 posts
Sugar bee

That’s exciting that you’ll be a bridesmaid! 

And hope this helps, but my mom was one of her last friends and family members to get married. She always jokes about how she got to pick and choose what she liked from their weddings so it made planning her own wedding easier πŸ™‚ Haha! 

 

Post # 5
Member
235 posts
Helper bee

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dellarossa :  I was in this situation. When my youner sister got engaged, I was happy for her but felt very down about myself, being older sister, 35 having a bf ( for only a year though) and no engagement on the horizon. People did not miss any chance to point out that I am older not married yet, including my own sister. She was bragging to me “how she got engaged first, and then how she got pregnant first, in spite of me being older and prettier sister. ” I felt awful inside  because of her words, and I had to be maid of honor. 

Think about it this way: your friend got engaged, and you will be too one day. We have to think positively, positive energy attracts good things in your life. I understood it later. 

Post # 6
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

Dear Bee- I know it isn’t always posssible to avoid feeling envy. As women, we often feel the pressure of having to be married by at certain age in our lives. Don’t fall for that nonesense. You will reach that point when the time is right for YOU. Right now, re-direct your feelings and try to focus on your friend and her happiness. If she’s your best friend, then that means she must have many amazing qualities that resulted in you forming such a close bond with her. That means she deserves to have an awesome wedding with the support of her awesome best friend who loves her dearly (YOU). I’m sure she’ll be thrilled and happy for you when your time comes. 

My best friend felt similarly to you when I got engaged. She didn’t get involved claiming she was always “too busy.” In the end, she didn’t attend my wedding. We all knew that she simply couldn’t get over her failed engagement and couldn’t bring herself to feel happy for me. I still talk to her and are friendly with her becuase I did my best to understand her feelings. However, in the end, the relationship changed and we grew apart. Envy is a tricky feeling so it’s always best to deal with it sooner than later. Best of luck!

Post # 7
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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dellarossa :  Stay joyful and positive for your friend because one day she may have the chance to do the same for you. Swapping roles as bridesmaids is super fun because you really get to take turns supporting each other. It’s just the coolest thing.

Take notes and only offer constructive criticism on her wedding whenever it’s appropriate. I learned a lot standing in my MOH’s wedding and now three of my bridesmaids are taking notes on mine (two are engaged and one is very hopeful). It’s been so fun to share all these experiences together, so stay in that mindset.

Envy is the ugliest thing at a wedding and people can feel that vibe from across the room. Don’t succumb to it. Be joyful and your turn will come <3

Post # 8
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

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dellarossa :  Yep! Been where you are. All of my close friends in college got married  (and had children) within a year of each other. At the time, I was still single and not even close to any of those milestones. Of course I was jealous, but I kept that to myself or vented to my mom only. You can be envious of someone else’s situation but still be a loving and supportive friend, as long as you recognize the feelings of jealousy without succumbing to them. Feelings are feelings, you can have them and you can notice them, but it’s your choice to act on them. As far as your opinions about her wedding, just think about how you would want your friend to act when planning your wedding… and then act accordingly for her! 

Post # 9
Member
346 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada

Definitely been there! Currently slated as a bridesmaid in my best friends’ upcoming wedding, and while I’m over the moon for her, the little green eyed monster pokes her head out every now and again. I keep it private, though (aside from venting to my mom and boyfriend) and have definitely kept in mind from all of the weddings over the years that I’ve been involved in the aspects I’ll include/avoid in my own future wedding planning πŸ™‚ Also currently avoiding having more than one glass of wine (I’m a total lightweight and two drinks is my limit) as a few months ago -when the bride moved her wedding date up by six months- I got tipsy and went off in an immature rant to my guy (embarrassingly comparing myself to other women asking what more I have to do to be worthy of a ring) and definitely don’t want to repeat that behaviour. Just gotta keep on trucking, and hope that my time will come as well! And in the meantime, be the most supportive friend possible and keep on with planning the most amazing shower and bachelorette possible πŸ™‚

Post # 10
Member
6901 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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dellarossa :  totally natural feeling, IMO.  My best friend got engaged, split up and engaged to someone else all before I got a freaking boyfriend (I did have him for her wedding at least -I was not at all looking forward to being there ‘alone’).  And it still took him 8 years to marry me!  I had to watch an awful lot of people get married and/or remarried.  Heck, one guy did it three times already (which honestly is sad… I’d rather wait too long than split up so much before my mid 30s).  It really sucks to feel left behind, but we’ll all get our chances in our own timelines.

the bonus is that by watching someone else get married, you can get a lot of information about what to and not to do.  I knew it was a no-go for me to get a big heavy dress.  I knew the style of photography I wanted and that I wasn’t likely to look at them enough to splurge on it.  I knew what styles I liked and hated, whether getting a DJ or a bakery cake or whatever else was worth it.  It’s easy to get swept up in what ‘must be done’ but when you watch so many people get married, you realize what isn’t worth it at all, which is super nice.  By comparison, she was young and did all the ‘right’ stuff.  The food was mediocre, the photography was cliche, etc etc.  It was a lovely wedding but 8 years later, mine was better wink

Post # 11
Member
719 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I can totally relate to this. My best friend from high school and I are both very close to being engaged. She and I aren’t as close now, but I know I will be one of her bridesmaids (I am not planning on having a bridal party, only my sister as MOH). Both of us have been waiting for some time, and both of us know our boyfriends have the ring and have had them since March! Also, we both want to get married in the fall next year πŸ˜‚

I am really hoping I get engaged first. I feel bad for feeling that way but I just can’t help it! I also have a sister and brother who could get engaged any day as well. I’m not saying we can’t all be engaged together but it’s nice to be first haha. I don’t think that will be the case though!

Post # 12
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2018

i think it is normal, to feel excited for your bestfriend who just got engage but also get slightly jealous over it because she took a step further in their relationship. like, it’s a situation where you wanted to be in too. but i guess, you can overcome this as during the process, you’ll see how important this wedding preparation for your bestfriend and with her choosing you as her bridesmaid, she’s counting on you and believes that you know what’s best for her. and in the end, you just really want to do absolutely the best out of everything for her.

and keep in mind that eventually your time will come too πŸ˜‰

Post # 13
Member
8897 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

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sarathemermaid :  This is my life right now, I am the last one. I have been to so many weddings planning ours has been a doddle so far. 

 

OP- I know how it feels trust me but you will be fine. Enjoy being a bridesmaid and stash away ideas for when it is your turn.

Post # 14
Member
7 posts
Newbee

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winewithwedding :  I totally agree!!  Having to go to other weddings, and even be part of the bridal party, I did feel as if all eyes were on me for being the last single lady standing!  But I focused on just having fun, and reminded myself that it wasn’t about me.  I also made mental notes of what I would have or wouldn’t have in my own wedding, and that helped me feel a lot more excited than I was!  Hang in there, @dellarossa Your feelings are completely natural and human; just don’t let them eat you up inside. 

Post # 15
Member
40 posts
Newbee

It’s important to let yourself feel your feelings. Find some alone time to really be upset and then shake it off! If you bury your feeling or tell yourself that you shouldnt feel that way then it will just pop up when you least expect it. Get some wine and/or ice cream, watch a rom com and be a little bitter for a while. Then realize whats important, that your friend is so happy and you care about her, and I garuntee you’ll be OK.

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