- 2 years ago
Okay guys this is going to be a long one but I really need to vent and could use some support. Please bear with me.
Fiance and I have been engaged for two years. We got engaged Thanksgiving 2015 and originally were going to get married September 2016. We decided to wait another year because we were both in two other friends’ weddings on the weekends book-ending the weekend that we’d have wanted to get married. More importantly, my dad was battling cancer but had just started a new immunotherapy treatment that seemed to be working well and we figured that if we waited, he would be feeling better for the wedding (this based on advice from doctors and family members who agreed with this line of thought).
We decided to forgo a bridal party, but I did ask my best friend since 8th grade to organize my bachelorette party and to give a speech at the wedding (defacto Maid/Matron of Honor, sort of). Fiance is asking a neighbor who has known him since childhood and who he considers both a kind of uncle and a best friend to do a speech for him. These speeches were one of the VERY FEW things that were important to me in this whole ordeal. We’re going very non-traditional and a lot of the “wedding” stuff just isn’t going to be a part of our day. But this thing, the speeches, were important, and I thought that I made that clear.
Fast forward to November 2016, one year after we got engaged. My dad took a turn for the worse, and at the same time my best friend announced that she was getting a divorce. My dad got better after Christmas and seemed to be on the mend again, but suddenly went downhill and passed away in early April. While I was at home to deal with this, my sister announced that she is pregnant with her 7th child and will not be coming to the wedding because she’s due in September (there’s a lot of baggage with the situation with my sister but let’s just say that this was not really a surprise to me). So in a span of two days my sister is out, my dad is gone.
Fast forward about a month after my dad passed away and my sister tells me she’s not coming, and my friend tells me that she has passed the job of organizing the bachelorette party on to someone else because she can’t afford to fly out twice in a row. I get that, except that I had suggested having the party in our hometown (which is actually a Midwestern city that has some pretty fun stuff to do). When I asked her if people had just all voted against doing that, she said that there had never been a vote because I had “made it sound like that wasn’t really what I wanted.” Okay, fine. I get that most people live closer to where I live now and that majority rules on that kind of thing. No big deal. Friend and I will just go out for drinks together when I go home about a month before the wedding. No big deal.
About a week ago, though, I get a text saying that she straight up can’t afford to come to the wedding.
Now, almost immediately after my friend got her divorce, she started dating a guy whom she had dated when we were in high school and had never really gotten over. I was totally fine with this because I wanted her to be happy and I had always liked him better than her husband anyway. I knew that the divorce had been expensive for her because her husband was in grad school and she was working, but a couple of weeks ago she went on vacation to New Orleans (across the country from where she lives) with the new boyfriend. When I offered to pay for their hotel room, she told me that that wouldn’t make a difference because it’s “$1,000 for round trip flights for two people.” No suggestion that the boyfriend, who also has a job and an income, could pay for his own ticket. No suggestion that, heaven forbid, she come to her best friend’s wedding without the boyfriend. No suggestion that they drive instead (It’s a 10 hour drive. Not great, but not completely unreasonable as a road trip).
I’m just kind of at the end of my rope here. I am so excited to celebrate with everyone who WILL be coming, but most of my other friends who will be at the wedding have only known me for a few years. No matter how much I love all of my other friends, I know it’s stupid, but I wanted the nice speech from the friend who has known me for half of my life. My dad’s not going to be at my wedding. My sister is not going to be at my wedding. Neither of those two things can be helped. But the person who is supposed to be my best friend, who has known about this wedding and the travel that it would require for the past TWO YEARS, who was not asked to pay for a special dress or a bridal shower or at this point even a HOTEL ROOM, that person is also not going to be at my wedding. I know that I should be thankful for all of the things that I do have and for all of the people who do love me enough to come. And I know that traveling is expensive and that she went through a divorce and that everyone has their own struggles. I know all of this. But I can’t help thinking that maybe if my best friend truly wanted to be at my wedding, maybe she would have skipped the vacation that she took two weeks ago with her boyfriend. Maybe she would drive the ten hours. Maybe she would find a way.
Maybe I am being unreasonable. If I am, please tell me because I don’t know anymore.